The Google, Cut, Paste, Sure-Why-Not? Method

I have no idea what Warhammer Fantasy RP adventure the underlying relationship chart here was stolen from (I'm sure someone in the comments will), but it's mine now.This took an hour.

I didn't bother hunting down personalities for the dead people. I figure they're dead, y'know?

Metamorphosis Amber

The vessel contained complete Terran environments...Life became a struggle merely to survive for those humans that were left. In this struggle, all knowledge of the ships mission or even, in fact, that the humans were on a ship, was lost. Ship's systems were maintained in a minimum operative state by the vessel's main computer and the robots that were operating at the time of the cloud's entrance into the starship. Later generations of humans lost all sense of identity with the ship regressing into a state of savagery.
--Metamorphosis Alpha

The Ambers live magically lengthened lives, but they have seen too much and are bored. They seek anything to relieve this boredom. On top of their other traits, the Ambers possess a bizarre sense of humor. It amuses them to watch adventurers battle obstacles which the Amber family members place in their way. The Ambers are equally amused whether the adventurers succeed or fail. A good spectacle is more important to them than defeating the adventurers.

--Castle Amber

_____________

So, basically, there was:

-a prophecy of a great flood that the inhabitants of this fortress have been waiting for for a verrrry long time, or
-an actual great flood which they don't know is over yet, or
-some primordial lich or sorcerer-patriarch decided the outside world was in a Miasmatic Phase that his family and the lands they protect would have to wait out, so as to be able to begin a literal Renaissance spawned from uncorrupted lifeforms once it was all over

Anyway, point is now there's this palace--colossally imposed on the landscape like a dead stone god, hermetically--in every sense of the word--sealed, containing all the flora and all the fauna and all the items of culture and technology, because it's an ark.

Needless to say: this didn't work at all. After a few thousand years, most species were outDarwined or eaten, others simply dried up from lack of sunlight or welcoming weather. Everything that thrived was a dangerous mutant, everything that could think went insane.

It is laughably easy to get in. The locals will tell jokes about the inbred idiots that haven't seen the sun in centuries, and then they will tell you that no-one ever comes out alive.

The hobbies of the Antediluvian inhabitants include, but are not limited to:

-Breeding sharks in tiled pools.
-Alchemically modifying their own digestive juices so as to be able to chew and metabolize rock.
-Throwing babies.
-Pretending to be dead for decades at a time.
-Playing elaborate combinatoric wargames in an attempt to model what they suspect is going on in the outside world.
-Asking intruders questions and not believing the answers and then becoming very upset.
-Hiding from blasphemous deformed freak descendants of their own pets.
-Devising new and unusual ethanol-based beverages.
-Trying to renovate the architecture so as to ensure a decent and continuous supply of ice.
-Casting Speak With Dead and/or passing out behind the glass case in the All Maps Yet Devised room and waking up thinking they'd just cast Speak With Dead.
-Looking for new and exotic lifeforms to evolve so they can sacrifice them to their cruel gods.
-Puppet shows!!!!
-Making elaborate and very focused traps to protect themselves from creatures that may or may not have become extinct millennia earlier.
-Trying to murder each other through proxies. (Their complex dogma suggests outsiders are irredeemably fallen and so if they can get them to bump off their despised relatives without directly suggesting it they'll remain pure until the flood or miasma ends.)
-Polishing things in the Flatware Of All Known Nations Room.
-Composing works of taxonomy.
-Placing mystic seals across doorways after unfortunate mishaps.
-Insipid brunches that last 60 years where no-one really wants to talk to anyone else but does anyway.
-Losing maps they made of this sector that they could swear they left just over here on top that thing.
-Praying the new genus of octomantis will taste better than the previous three.
-Researching ways to build portals to dimensions that aren't more dangerous than where they already live.
-Waiting for creatures to become smart enough to hire or enslave.
-Experimenting with time compression.
-Astronomy.
-Multi-classing.
-Furniture design.
-Trying to create jesters via eugenics and controlled exposure to confidence-eroding phenomena.
-Trying to remember who got polymorphed into what and why, when, and whether this gecko might be them.
-Dress rehearsals and dry runs for internecine intrigues.
-Fox-hunting. Though what you they call a "fox" and what you call a "fox" may not be exactly the same thing.
-Admiring the way the words "Invoked Devastation" just trip off the tongue.

Blue But Vicious Rose

"In the high fantasy quests of authors like J. R. R. Tolkien, or the larger than life swords and sorcery of Robert E. Howard, Fritz Leiber, and others, heroic loners or small groups of rebels, outcasts, or eccentrics perform great deeds and go on quests to obtain power and glory or to protect the world from some threat.

"In the mid-1980s, a generation of new fantasy authors - Diane Duane, Mercedes Lackey, Tamora Pierce, and many others - wrote fantasy novels different from any that had come before. The main characters in their novels occasionally start out as loners and outcasts, but find a place in society, generally as members of some prominent group or official organization that goes on exciting adventures to protect ordinary people from danger.

"Developing a sense of belonging and finding comrades are central features of these novels. Most of these novels are in series, and by the end of the first book, the main character has usually found a community where he or she belongs. Many of the character’s adventures involve either becoming a more fully integrated member of this group or protecting the group from harm...in all romantic fantasy worlds, nature is a positive magical force, and anyone who protects it is on the side of good."

--Blue Rose (Introduction)

"Slaai communicate in enigmas and koans through their crystal balls (with ESP and clairaudience as standard), and can easily overwhelm your tiny monkey brain with mind blasting telepathic insights into their ancient cosmic frog perspective (save vs. death, fail = dead, pass = terror for 1d6 turns)."

--Small But Vicious Dog (Menagerie)

_____

So if you don't know, Blue Rose is a d20-derived hippie version of F.A.T.A.L.--that is, another example of the distasteful and disastrous things that happen when the "fantasy" in "Fantasy RPG" is interpreted as meaning "wish-fulfillment" rather than "invention".

(It is also just all-around baffling. Here's a suggested adventure seed--the whole thing, verbatim: "51. A daring thief steals from the wealthiest people in the city". Um...Good? How is that an adventure seed?)

Small But Vicious Dog is a hack designed to make Basic/Expert D&D emulate Warhammer Fantasy Role Play which is nowhere near as boring as it sounds. Which, well, how could it be? Hacking a third-generation D&D-derivative to match the slightly different rules of a second-generation version of D&D may not sound like a terribly ambitious way to spend a weekend but Chris Hogan rips into his task with terrifying verve.

SBVD is a rules hack, sure, but more than that it's a creepily well-written running essay on all the differences between D&D and its transatlantic counterpart (in micro) and the grimdarkbrutalLOLweird take on fantasy vs. TSR's more catholic let's-just-make-this-game-about-anything-less-boring-than-the-midwest take on the middle ages RP.

_________

Anyway the point is--obviouslyDuh--Blue Rose and Small But Vicious Dog need to be one setting.

For sure.

The DIY D&D Google Plus Brain Trust has been consulted:
(names obliterated to protect the abominationists involved)

"Thought for the day: Blue But Vicious Rose."

"Romantic fantasy with chaos attributes or Mercedes Lackey for cuckolding fetishists: You Can Have Both."

"We accept all philosophies in The Magical Kingdom of Chaoldea (*..sparkle sparkle..*)"

"Elsewhere, my zebra skin and long nose were shunned but now I finally fit in (weeping, hugs pegasus with oozing wounds)"

+1

"Now I'm picturing the magic deer walking upright on scaly ostrich legs, dispensing wisdom from a tiny, parasitic faun that lives in its chest like the little guy in Total Recall."

+2

__________

Tell me that would not be awesome: not just your typical "something's not quite right in Stepford Camelot" set-up, but one where just every citizen is oblivious to the fact that all the symbols are always pointing in the wrong direction.

There's like an eight-gulleted Negaboar vomiting on children in the streets and ripping their ears off and wearing them like legwarmers and everyones' just like "He's just expressing himself!" The kingdom's main export is tediously optimistic NPCs found in random oubliettes. "Oh I'm so glad you found me! I've always believed the human spirit was powerful enough to triumph over any adversity!"

Do the Chaoldeans have secret plans to spread their utter lack of prejudice and imagination across the entire continent or is it just a very disturbing place to go buy a unicorn-hoof talisman? Hey, you're the DM, it's up to you.

Battle Oracle Mechanic + Easy NPC Wizard Spells

Battle Oracle Mechanic

PC wants to know how s/he'll do in the upcoming fight. Consults wizened and raisin-like oracle. Wizened oracle says something cryptic while fondling armor and PC's primary weapon. Then the PC openly rolls ten D20s and whatever die s/he uses for damage with his/her primary weapon of choice. DM does the same. The results are noted, in order.

The DM looks at these rolls, treated as the actual rolls that will come up, and says some goofy thing summing it all up like "The tide of battle will rush toward you, but break upon you like waves upon the shell of Inevitable Tortioise--but your sword's first strike will be a mere glancing blow..."

In the next battle, the PC's strikes--and those of his/her foe--will be treated as if s/he had just rolled exactly those numbers. In the order already written down for each side.

Naturally:

-the PC is told this

-this "number-matching" doesn't apply to the PC's allies

-nothing prevents the PC or his/her foe from using tactics that do not require an ordinary "to hit" roll or which cause a different kind of damage than the "primary weapon" die rolled

-the more the PC studies his/her foe, the more useful this oracle is

-DMs sensitive to non-immersive mechanics won't like this spell

-the PC doesn't necessarily already know his/her target number (the target's AC) in the fight

-the nice utility-but-vagueness of this oracle is based on that ignorance-of-the-target-number, so using the same mechanic for tasks that require no input from the other side is less interesting. If you want to adapt it for persuading, climbing, or other noncombat tasks make sure the tasks use a GM-designed target-number system rather than a roll-under or otherwise static-target system.


Which Spells Does The Randomly Encountered Evil Wizard Have Left Today?

The wizard has one spell left for each letter in his slash her evil name, conveniently enough.

Consult the table below for Ye Olde Specifics. Same letter twice? They have it memorized twice. If the spell is over-level for the wizard, just make it a wimpy version with a save or something Hey--you're the god-damned DM, right?

A -Animate object
B -Blink
C -Command
D -Disintegrate
E -Evard's Black Tentacles
F -Fireball
G-Globe of Invulnerability
H-Hold Person
I-Illusion
J-Joke causing Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter
K-Kiss of Dismemberment
L - Lightning Bolt
M-Monster Summoning
N-New And Disturbing Limb
O-Otto's Irresistible Dance
P-Polymorph
Q-Quest
R-Reduce
S -Sleep
T-Transmute Rock to Mud
U-Undo Last Round
V-Volley
W-Web
X-X-Ray Vision (good for seeing your magic items)
Y-Yoink! (one object transferred from target to caster)
Z-Zone of Silence

Thus "Vorgon the Cruel" has...Volley, Otto's Irresistible Dance (twice), Reduce. Globe of Invulnerability, and New and Disturbing Limb.

If I wanted to be a real bastard I could also give him Transmute Rock To Mud, Hold Person, Evard's Black Tentacles (twice), Command, Reduce, Undo Last Round, and Lightning Bolt.

Crane Demon's Castle

The White Crane Demon has a few random powers and attributes--the most interesting ones being it's gigantic and it has a mouth in the center of each claw. With the rest, you can probably make something that works for you. (Click to enlarge.)

This Is Bat Country

So a while back James Raggi posted that he had this Count Dracula vs. Elizabeth Bathory sandbox war idea he was working on. I liked this idea so much I immediately threw it onto my game map, over somewhere vaguely to the East.

Now in order to do a sandbox right, you gotta be able to tell your players about landmarks they can see or at least know about from a distance--the vague outlines. Otherwise they're flying blind and not really making interesting choices (left or right? ummm...). So I went ahead and actually looked at the territory involved, here's what came up with...:

(BTW, I asked James about how he was doing his intravampire sandbox and it looks like his thing will be very different than mine, so I'm not really scooping him here.)

-So over on the right there we have the rough sickle-shape of the Carpathian Mountains, which basically forms the eastern parenthesis of Hungary.
(click to see where the vampires are)

-All this territory on the map was generally part of Hungary during the killing-people-with-swords-era, though now, as the map shows, Castle Cachtice (Bathory's castle) is part of Slovakia and Dracula's stomping grounds of Transylvania and Wallachia are now part of Romania.

-Nevertheless, geography suggests that if you want to be lazy and efficient about it, much of the fighting would take place in what is now modern day Hungary.

-In my little griddy Moleskine notebook, this gives me room to sketch a 2-page-spread map 12 squares across, 25 miles per square and fit the whole area in. Assuming the forests are witchily dense with evil treants and people impaled on pikes, and the Carpathians (likely from the same root word as "sharp" and "escarpment") are hard-going you could say that's one day's ride per square.-Now if we imagine the Carpathians as the curving part of a capital letter 'D' and the Danube river as the vertical part, the fastest route from Castle Dracula to Castle Bathory would be straight through the middle of the "D", HOWEVER...There's about a million streams and rivers formed by rainwater hitting the Carpathians and draining west across the "D" toward the Danube.

-This is an awful lot of running water to cross if you're a vampire. Obviously the thing to do is to get your human thrall armies to terrorize the countryside and cities in the middle of the "D" and if you need to personally lay siege to your foe, you'll probably want to walk along the spine of the Carpathians themselves. I like this very much--it seems quite picturesque to me. The Count or Countess making stately progress around the rim of the land while mayhem reigns in the basin below.

-Exactly when Dracula was at which castle is a matter of debate, but the consensus is the castle most likely to be his for the longest time that we can identify is Castle Poenari, which you can see a floorplan of if you go to 3:52 into this charming video.

-Up north, Elizabeth Bathory's castle was called Cachtice, and it's near where Ckutalik used to live, if you want to know what living in the shadow of the Blood Countess was like. The ruins of Castle Cachtice are easy to google pictures of, thought the best way I found to get an actual floorplan is to zoom down there on google satellite and look at the ruins.

-Other than Budapest or the era-equivalent, the cities are fucking small. I've been to what passes for a "major city" in Hungary to visit Mandy's family and drink Jagermeister and even today it feels about the size of one of those cities built entirely around one hotel and a college. Totally walkable downtown. And this place was equally a big deal in the middle ages, when it was much smaller. So you could definitely "hide" a city like that in a 25-mile hex. And map it with a campus map.

-The Carpathians range from 1000 to 5000 feet high, meaning you could see up to 6 (25 mile) hexes away from the highest peaks and 3 hexes from a clear spot on a clear day from most of the range.

-Although exactly what you'd see at that angle is a lot of fucking trees mostly, though if something was on fire you might notice the smoke.

-Factors which you assume are present and that both research and life experience bear out include: gypsies and fear thereof, wild boars, wolves, deer, bats, lizards, creepy statuary, dizzying sheer drops in the Carpathians, superstitions about witches, corpses subjected to elaborate burial procedures.

-White Wolf Transylvania-themed supplements turned out to be in no way useful in this research. Which is weird considering there's like 5 of them. Not one decent map, obscure local legend, or piece of Bathory or Draculore to speak of, though some of the art is nice.

-Castles during the midde ages in this part of Eastern Europe sucked and were small, so these will be improved via the magic of me making things up.

'Keep' Cheat Sheet + Tekumel Violence

1. First:

Quicky Keep, for if your PCs decide to attack it (click to enlarge)



2. Yet Another Appalling Tragedy Caused By People Not Listening More Carefully To Me

So CKutalik ran us through an Empire of The Petal Throne dungeon--I mean "City Buried In Accordance With The Sublimely Inscrutable Belief System of A Lovingly-Crafted Yet Ineffably Alien Culture Whose Imaginative Majesty Only The Most Refined Minds Could Possibly Hope To Grasp"--and, though my guy got through all right and I had a great time and got to use the Medium power to travel to the land of the dead and ask Ckutalik's previous TPK'd party how they got past the sacrifice-door, (which tactic is shaping up to be the "ask the Paladin if it's evil" of Tekumel) things did get a bit hairy. Prompting this post from our DM...--oh sorry, I mean our "CBIAWTSIBSOALCYIACWIMOTMRMCPHTGM"...

About 50 comments later...
30 comments later...
A few hours after that...

___________________________________

Caves of Chaos Is A One-Page Dungeon

Click to enlarge.

Don't get your suspenders twisted, copyright holder of record, this is just for educational purposes...

Y'all know how much I despise inefficiency. So I did this experiment to see exactly how much of the Caves of Chaos from the "classic" (translation: old) module Keep On The Borderlands I could fit on the map.

Answer: most of it.

The numbers refer to the number of each humanoid faction in that room--the color code on the right tells you which kind of monster it is.

If you've read the module even once, you can pretty much run any encounter in the caves using just this and the monster stats up to the point where the PCs start looting the dead (treasure is not listed).

Rooms where the room key gives some information not already on the map that's relevant in a fight are marked with a *. (Though generally this is not a lot of information--most of it is about as long as the notes that are written out in the margins of the map--"Gelatinous cube attacks if PCs are in room for more than 3 rnds and has treasure inside it" etc.. I just chose details that I could make fit.)

Room descriptions are obviously missing, but if you have any familiarity with the monsters involved you can pretty much make those up--there's a ton of filthy slimy guard rooms, the ones
with lots of guys in them are the common rooms and the ones with the bosses in them are fancy by local standards. The "independent" monsters live in bone strewn caves--shocking, I know. And if you can't figure out how to describe what the rooms where the evil priests and skeletons and altars over on the left look like, you should probably hang up your DMspurs forever.

One thing I forgot: locked doors. It'd be pretty easy to add a little "locked door" symbol to the map, though. If you have a spare half hour to scan the module and pop some on, I'm sure someone somewhere will be grateful.

(Another mistake I just noticed--for clarity's sake, the "orc head" note on the upper right should technically be orange, not red, but my screen's all screwy so I didn't notice 'til just now.)

Anyway, if I can do this in an hour-and-a-half using only the graphics program that came free with my mac to a dungeon that wasn't even designed to be "coded", the big companies should be able to get way more out of someone with, say, an actual graphic-design program and actual graphic-design degree and 8 whole hours to kill.

So remember: If you ever find yourself flipping back and forth when running a module even if it has absolutely nothing weird or complicated in it, it's because they're lazy.

The Golem Fortress

Player handout:

DM's Key. (Click to enlarge)

Catching The First Boat Outta Here...

Roll d12 to see who's got room for passengers...roll twice at larger ports, roll thrice in a real big place.

Boats have purposefully been described so that even if you know fuck-all about sailing you can still use them. The "number of sailors" refers to the number who can be called upon to actually do sailing stuff at any given time and is based on me making it up based on what are easy numbers to deal with if a vessel gets in a fight and if you want better numbers and are that kinda GM, use 'em.

"Handling" refers to Dex or Int or Sailing Skill, or whatever stat you use in your system to do sailing checks, on a 3-18 scale.

1. The Frogsgut A wee small ship. It'll be just the PCs and the captain, one Othrok Grood. A capable fellow--handling is 13.

2. The Rankle A suspiciously saggy fishing boat. Crew (d4+1 of them) is smiley, soused, and amused to have adventurers around--handling is 13 normally (happily drunk), but in danger it goes down to 7. The captain--Throllo Morrthra, keeps d100x30 gp worth of good in the hold. The crew will catch enough food for everyone to eat in all but the most desperate waters.

3. The Enormous Enormous: 4d6 + 3 crew. Handling is average. Sprooveyle Sprogan is the captain, and he has pet weasels. One of the sailors is a fetching and heavily tattooed lass. There are crewmen who'll be violently jealous if a PC flirts with her. If the PCs prefer the company of the strapping young seamen, this lass herself will be the jealous one--and will turn out to be a quite a capable duellist.

4. The Silence A lorevessel of the Church of Vorn--takes passengers. The monks and churchmen are average sailors--handling 10--but are 25% likely to have been gifted with a cure disease or cure light wounds spell on any given day. d4+2 crew.

5. The Drowner Crewed by fierce northmen, making a little cigarette money between pillagings. Handling 10 but 14 in battle. Three-toothed Captain Vorce has a raven, secretly tattooed with a treasure map beneath its ragged black feathers. 4d4 crew.

6. Grakthreel Exis Vail A merchant vessel far from its home in the archipelago ruled by the reptile-riding Dark Elf princes. The small elf crew (d4+1 sailors) is suspicious and does not speak common, but will take passengers for four times the normal price. They are excellent sailors--handling 15. They keep a strange lizard in the hold, and navigate by means of incomprehensible but curiously detailed maps.

7. The Dracolisk A stylish but unexceptional vessel. 3d4 crew. Handling 11. Two mad lords--straightjacketed--are among the cargo. They're being returned to their family for a considerable bounty but will offer the PCs thousands for their freedom.

8. The Prolix An odd-looking ship, patched with brass plates and tubing. The idiot captain--Chovo Whitewort--and his stupid crew (d4+3 of them, handling: 9) have been hired to ferry a wealthy but eccentric alchemist named Palaver around on his various researches. Palaver will pay half the PCs fare if they're going someplace "interesting" and will offer to buy any unusual substances off of them for a fair price.

9. The Vasty Deep An impressive vessel with a reliable crew--handling 13, 2d6 sailors. There is a very capable thief aboard, however, disguised as a pilgrim. She will use any distraction as an excuse to rifle through the PCs belongings and steal their most valuable items. If they're careful, she'll just backstab one as the PC's coming out of the privy. The thief's destination is closer than the PCs' and she'll attempt the theft as close to it as possible. If anything she's taken is important or magical, she'll run off and immediately sell it to the craziest, weirdest NPC villain she can find.

10. The Grackle Kind Captain Cork knows not that his 4d4 gangly, lotus-smoking crewman plot against him. They suck at sailing (handling 8) but fight as 3rd level fighters. They will mutiny at the first sign of trouble. Kind Captain Cork will pay the PCs mightily if they defend him, and will be a staunch ally thereafter.

11. The Glabrous A rickety-looking ship. Failed control rolls will result in two rolls on the ship gimping table. There is a rival adventuring party on board, mixed in with 2d8 other passengers. If the PCs are too loose-lipped, they may have competition during their next treasure hunt. The 3d6 crew are handling: 12.

12. The Butcher's Feast Captain Laszlo Groyle and his 10 crewmen (handling:10) are probably harmless, and the cargo is probably innocuous, but if you ever wanted to do a werewolf-on-the-ship or actually-the-whole-ship-is-nine-polymorphed-sea-ogres adventure and haven't done one lately, this is the time for it. If you would like something horrible to happen on board, have at it.

13. The Figgy Pudding It was fine until the ship's cat died. Now it's infested with rats (hard to figure out at first) and the diseases they bring. Food stores (including PC rations) will be nibbled away/spoiled by infection at 33% per day. PCs themselves must save or con check every 3 days to avoid catching something. Crew dies at 1 every 5 days. Starts with 2d6 of them--handling 9.

14. The Esquivel Currently hauling slaves. Lawful good characters may have issues with this. A slave revolt is eminently doable here and the 2d20 slaves will be grateful (though only 5% will speak the PCs language and only half will be able-bodied). One slave is a starved cleric devoted to (some of) the slaves' foreign god and may be the first to make contact with the PCs. The 3d6 sailors are kinda incompetent and drunk --handling 9.

15. The Despot The crew looks like a bunch of fun-loving, mead-swilling vikings (as 5, above), but they're secretly religious lunatics seeking to sail to the Land of the Dead to recover the souls of their fallen fellows. They aren't sure where the entrance is, though, so they may believe the PCs if they say it's coincidentally wherever they're headed.

16. The Spinnifex A bunch of flighty nobles on a pleasure cruise who'll take the PCs on because they think they're funny. d8+3 servants man the small vessel and suck (handling 8). The kids are annoying and if the PCs have anything to do with them they may manage to get the PCs inveigled in a blood feud before the journey's over. 3d6X100 gold in the hold guarded by 2 surly 5th-level fighters named Chuk and Grubble.

17. The Bastard A small ship. D4 able crew--handling 13. One passenger is a wild-haired crone who kills seagulls with her sling and reads their entrails. She will pronounce the PCs fates for free. She will pay 300 gp each if they will sneak her behind the battle lines of the barbarian hordes that razed her land, to the site of her defiled temple so she can pronounce a curse that will slay every child born to the horde for 6o years.

18. The Manticore Yes, they're pirates (5d4 men, handling 13). But Captain Calrissian is an old friend of yours...

19. The Dead Sunrise The ship's leaving port despite a slight list to starboard (10 degrees). The crew is mundane (2d6, handling 11) but the cargo is exotic--rare jewelled snails, an ocelot, a blue tiger, an ink pheasant, etc.--all destined for the private zoo of Khan Ferox.

20. The Dumb Spike Remarkable mainly for how much the (2d10) crew suck. Handling 6. PCs must save or con check successfully every other day or be seasick. -2 to everything until they've spent 2 hours on land.

Alternate for if you roll the same boat twice-

The Fatmeat Captain Walther Fryne has a minor Ahab complex, and its object is a fishing boat called the Bleating Hobble captained by his ex-wife. His 2d6 crew are disciplined--handling 14. One sailor keeps an unusual object in a chest under his bunk which he acquired on the Isle of Oth: a fleshy sphere, the size of a grapefruit. It is covered in mouths, each of which constantly relates speaks--in a different language--the sins of a different random living denizen of the planet.

The Goblin Empire

This table can be used for random encounters inside the Goblin Empire. Roll d100 for encounters outside the cities. For encounters inside Gaxen Kane and other goblin cities, roll d4 for the first digit and d10 for the second digit.

On this table "goblin" indicates an ordinary goblin or goblin warrior, depending on context.



All references to Fiend Folio monsters refer to the redone versions of these--(Bloodhawks as exploding chemical weapons, etc.)



*Indicates the creature is used as a mount if rolled as a member of a goblin cohort or in a city.



1 d8 Goblins

2 Sacred maggot procession--1 carrion crawler + 3d4 goblins

3 Crow-headed man

4 Shrieker

5 Assassin bug

6 Bats

7 Bushbabies

8 Witchgrass

9 Wither (skunkman)

10 Stunjelly-slathered…

11 Troll (ridden by 2 goblins)*

12 d4 Boars*

13 d4 Wolves*

14 d4 Suicide dogs

15 Fleshgolem (stitched up from goblin parts)

16 Displacer beast*

17 Clubnek wielders

18 Giant centipede*

19 Giant beetle*

20 Carrion crawler

21 d6 Goblins

22 d4 Xvarts

23 Trilloch

24 Pig balloon rider

25 d4 Terithrans (+1d4 goblins)

26 d4 Snyad/dyads (+1d4 goblins)

27 d4 Othuagg baboons (+1d6 goblins)

28 d4 Nilbogs

29 d4 Meazel-infected gobins

30 death dog

31 Blindheim*

32 Giant bats*

33 d4 Bloodhawks

34 Osquip*

35 Tiger fly scouts

36 Tower golem

37 Abomination * (A huge head with legs and four tentacular tongues)

38 Vortex

39 Volt *

40 Boschoforms/chaos-spawn*

41 Tiraphegs

42 Giant strider *

43 Mantari *

44 Babbler*

45 Xorn

46 d6 Wererat

47 3-eyed Spawntoad*

48 Ogre *

49 Imorph

50 Symbiotic jelly

51 Sussurus

52 Slaads

53 Mephit

54 Meenlock (maybe)

55 Witch

56 Water weird in pond

57 Fucked up unicorn

58 Thornchild

59 Hobgoblin witch

60 Kilmoulis

61 Temple of Juiblex

62 Temple of the Maggot

63 Halfling (escaped?)

64 Hell cat (+hag or witch)

65 Hallucinogenic fungi

66 Hag

67 Grimlock

68 Grig

69 Grell

70 Green slime

71 Gorbel

72 Gloomwing (the depressing kind)

73 Gibbberling

74 Gibbering mouther

75 Garbug

76 Giant mushrooms

77 Foxwoman

78 Flumph/orth

79 Firenewt

80 Eye of fate

81 Eye killer

82 Ettin

83 Ettercap

84 Enveloper

85 Evil Ent

86 Drow

87 Elf (escaped)

88 Drider

89 Doppleganger

90 Crowman (small)

91 Dark creeper

92 Cockatrice

93 Caterwaul (+hag or witch)

94 Bunyip-thing

95-00 Cohort: d6 goblins plus roll d20 times on this table in the following way: d4 for 1st digit/d10 2nd digit.

The Cobalt Reach

The Cobalt Reach



The frontier edge of the Goblin Empire. South of Gaxen Kane.



Monsters refer to versions from this blog, so links are provided



Landscape



1-20 Thick blue jungle

21-30 Thick blue jungle with mist (visibility 5' at ground level)

31 Hilltop Goblin fortress turned lair of an ancient Blue Dragon

32-35 Goblin sentry tower

36-38 Goblin fortress

39-41 abandoned goblin fortress

42-43 Mushroom field

44 Giant mushroom field (average 3' tall, but some are tree-like)

45-47 Wind-sculped rock formation--stones twisted into arabesques

48-50 Lake with rock formation in it

51 Rock island floating 30' in mid air, vines hanging down

52 Rock island floating 30' in mid air, waterfall running off and into lake

53-54 Waterfall

55-56 Lake dotted with small islands

57 Lake dotted with small circular islands which are the heads of mushrooms

58-62 Tall grass (6')

63 Appears to be tall grass (6') but is actually carnivorous anemone-like tentacles

64-65 Abandoned alchemist's tower

66-67 Plateaus (10'-500' across) like islands in a lake of mist

68-71Field of mist (visibility 10')

72 Cave

73-76 Field of jagged osmium

77-80 Plain of spongy, lurid moss

81 Ruins of an ancient garden built on a plinth of stone

82 Cave containing naturally-occurring nuclear fission reactor (underground lake, with vents to surface)

83 Goblin battlefield-turned-graveyard. Rows of crudely-carved statues of overweight carrion crawlers.

84 Field of fungi

85 Field of shriekers

86-87 Field of fungi with shriekers mixed in

88-89 Field of fungi with hallucinogenic fungi mixed in

90 Goblin fortress turned beholder lair

91 Protean turning from dead giant to moss

92 Slab of flesh--result of medusa who turned the demon a stone fortress was made from being killed

93 Megadactyl/megadragon corpse

94 Megasussurus

95 Misshaping pool

96 Dead tower golem

97 2' deep pool full of carrion crawler grubs

98 Large ruins of inexplicable device

99 Enormous orchid

00 Acidic pool





Encounter



1-3 1 or 2 goblins riding lobotomized troll, one is cleric/wizard

4-6 1-2 goblins riding lobotomized troll

7-8 d6+1 goblins carrying vials of green slime with d4 suicide dogs or suicide hogs (entry 51)

9-10 1-2 goblins in a pig-balloon carrying vials of green slime

11-12 d4+3 goblins, d4 are meazel-infected d4-2 dogs or hogs

13-14 d4+3 goblins, d4 are nilbogs d4-2 dogs or hogs

15-16 d4+3 stunjelly-slathered goblins with d4-2 dogs or hogs and d4 xvarts

17-18 d4+3 goblins, 1-2 are terithrans d4-2 dogs or hogs

19-20 d4+2 goblins carrying Carrion Crawler grubs d4 are clerics/wizards d4-2 dogs or hogs

21 goblin palanquin procession--including at least one dyad (snyad), a sacred carrion crawler, including d4 of each of the special troop-types listed in entries 5-9

22-25 tigerfly swarm released by goblin scouts--bitten victims will attract goblins in 2 rounds--roll d20 on this table to see which

26 friendly outcast goblin

27 lone goblin delivering message or otherwise on mission

28-29 d4 mutant humans (hostile)

30-31 1-3 mutant humans (friendly)

30-31 d6 mutant halflings (hostile)

32-33 1-3 mutant halflings (friendly)

34-35 gas spore

36-37 automaton on mission for alchemist

38-39 osquip

40-42 pterodactyl

43-44 sussurus-trap (singing a specific spell)

45-46 symbiotic jelly (roll again for host)

47-48 thoqqua (15')

49-50 tirapheg

51-52 vodyanoi in 3' water

53-54 malfunctioning volt

55-56 volt on mission for alchemist

57-58 d4+1 alchemist's henchmen with vortex

59-60 ivy hair zombie queen (bluish of course)

61-63 Tigerfly swarm--once bitten victims will attract goblins in d4+2 rounds (roll d20 on this table to see which)

64-65 Algoid (roll again for minions)

66-68 (night) bats (day) zygom-infected butterflies

69-70 carrion crawler (asleep, but discovered inches away in undergrowth)

71-72 giant centipede (10')

73-74 ancient blue dragon flies overhead to lair, ignores PCs

75-76 pond/groundwater with electric eels

77-78 alchemist collecting ingredients

79-80 garbug collecting ingredients for alchemist

81-82 gibbering mouther

83-84 gibberling

85-86 poison lizard

87-88 lodestone golem (serving alchemist)

89-90 d4+1 librarians (yuan-ti) hunting rare beast or collecting scientific information

91-92 d6 mushroom men (50% of being controlled by other monster, roll again)

93 human--escaped experimental subject

94-95 xorn

96-97 roll twice, first entity is hostile to second

98-99 roll twice, entities are allied

00 roll twice, first entity is eating second--2nd is probably dead

Snow Wallow Nightmare et al.

Copying Noisms again--I did this and made some stuff.



Monsters:



Wall Link Zombie:

A regular zombie but the building's made of them. You see them, intertwined. They will remain inert until a trigger action is taken.



Scarlet Device:

It's a small clamshell-shaped object--like a cigarettte-case--carved in some rich, deep red stone, set in colored bone or coral. In fact it is not a construct but a kind of highly evolved scarab beetle. It hibernates in its shell until it smells blood.



If placed in a pool of blood, its gold legs will extrude, and it will perform a sort of ritual mating dance in the blood, drawing patterns. Spells cast on the patterns will affect the target. Lasts until the blood is cleaned away.



Snow Wallow Nightmare:

A kind of 12' tall Asian snow mantis. Makes the snow viscous in a 20' radius--effectively slowing anyone trying to move or attack in melee (but not shoot or cast spells).



Royal Fist Monkey:

Small monkeys. Each wears one enormous Hellboy-like-but-jewelled glove with which they can smite with unseemly force. They are employed as personal bodyguards by southern drow dinosaur-princes.



Specter Master Lobster:

Ok, I have nothing genuinely good for this (or at least nothing I'd actually run), but I love saying it.



Ivy hair zombie:

Well, actually a Violet Leopard Orchid Zombie. But the queen of them. Her hair is a mass of creeping flowered tendrils.



Spells:



Schultm's Skin Party



Wizard touches a target skin-to-skin. That target becomes glued to the wizard. Anyone touching the target with bare flesh becomes glued to the target and on and on.



Untouchable Merchant



A curse. Not obvious, but no-one will agree to buy anything from the target until it is lifted.



Screaming security



Like an alarm spell only the area warded must be a circle (size depending on caster's level), and the piercing sound of the alarm does d4-per-caster-level sonic damage to anyone not inside the circle.



Misshaping pool



Turns a vial of ordinary water into a magic liquid that can be thrown on the ground to make a 6-foot-wide magic puddle. The puddle is d4+1 feet per caster level deep and mutates anyone who touches it.



Whisper panic



Wizard whispers a warning into a target's ear. Target then must whisper the same warning into the ear of everyone it meets for 2 hours. It may or may not believe the warning, but cannot tell anyone that until the spell ends.



Drunk Reversal



Blood-alcohol levels of two targets switched.



Rodia's Complicated Siege



Cast on a foe's stronghold: transforms it into an Escheresque and non-euclidean maze--(roll on your favorite "weird dungeon effect" table for each room)--as difficult to exit as enter.



Nassim's Skull Ocean



A fucking ocean of fucking skulls fucking comes out of fucking nowhere and fills a 30-3000 square foot area. They fill the area 5 feet deep. Everybody caught in the ocean takes 2d6 damage and the skulls persist.



Prismatic Law



Caster becomes immune to attack from anything of a chosen color and anyone wearing that color. Only one Prismatic Law may be in effect on a given caster at any time.

This Is Going On The Map...

A vast tropical archipelago.

Thick Southeast Asian jungle--beyond Amazon-thick.

Quadruple canopies that choke off so much light that dark elves walk around during the day. Oh, also--little chameleon men.

They have drow kingdoms here--barbaric, ornamented princes. Curved daggers.

And their warrior caste goes around on dinosaurs.

Not all of them--this isn't Dinotopia--diplodocus and apatosaurus are somewhere else, the pterodactyls are mainly in the goblin empires, further north-- but the heavy brigades are all triceratops and stegosaurus, the light brigades are utahraptors (the velociraptor at riding size), the generals ride albertasaurs (riding-size T Rex) and the vain lords strut around on parasaurs, trailed by sacred ankylosaurs with gems embedded in their armor. Bringing sacrifices to an ancient, languid, despotic dracolisk.

Drownesia?

What I Know About The World

Cut'n'paste sketch map of known world in my current D&D campaign. ("sketch" as in a "rapidly executed piece of art not intended as a finished work". As in "this isn't a hexmap of the world, I don't need one for all this geography for my current campaign, may make one later"). Click to enlarge...

A-Desert full of old ruins and cryptic Sumerian Lovecraftiana. Anything in any CoC game I run will have an analogue or origin here. Shadows. Tentacled horrors. Runic dweorganisms. Tiamat.
B-Opium-dream Exotic Pseudoasia: start with Yoon-Suin and see where it goes from there. Yak-men, crab-men, mollusk gods. If players keep going east from there there's ninjas and what-all.
C-Arabian Nights country. Thieves, walking demons, dune stalkers. May leave this for Mandy to do when she gets around to running some more games.
D-Githyankified Egypt. Tombs. Nile--as in the band. Khopesh swords. Insect gods. Children of En-Gorath. Curses.
E-Sea full of Sinbad-esque stuff. Harpies. Pirates. Aspidochelone? Rolangian Ettins.
F-Harsh, Chaos-damaged pseudoSlavia with freaky Eastern European fairytale elements. Witches. Ogres. Hobgoblins.
G-Realm of the NegaTsar. (Art in this area by Oleg Denysen.) Nine-headed winter wolves. Clockwork golems. Murderous clocks. Mastodons.
H-Sea of Ignorance and Pain. Scattered cold islands and island-fortresses, including the Oth teratocracy, where my players are now. Cannibal mermaids. Sea serpents. Jellyfish men.
I-Puzzle palace of Tetrus Imperious. Shifting passages. Traps. Confusion. Riddles.
J-Pseudo-Hungary/Romania with Dracula-Bathory war taken from James Raggi's Transylvania 1600 idea. Masked armies. Blood omens. Pikes.
K-Hungarian fairytale forest. Murderous trees. Talking beasts. Straw men.
L-The Reach. Vancian alchemy, lightning wizards, automata, pterodactyls, blue orchids.
M-Fortified megalopolis separating Whitey from the Decadent East. Full of generations of insane crusaders. Relics. Curses. Armor golems. Despair.
N-A green and pleasant land.
O-Goblin Kingdoms. Boschoforms. Carrion crawlers worshipped like gods. Tricks. Inversions.
P-Things are all Pendragon and whatnot here. Enormous roses isolated in the forest. Elegant dragons. Black knights. Whispering snakes.
Q-Fairy land. Possibly via Mandragora. (As drawn by Virginia Sterret and Kay Nielsen.) Pixies, brownies, sprites. Contracts. Magic eggs. Etiquette.
R-River of Unfathomable Despair. (It's just a river.)
S-Some sort of abstracted symbolist zone where there's weird magic effects and a big maze (like in the picture). Indescribable creatures. Queens. Kings. Pages. Knights.
T-Vornheim and environs (everything from here thru Z is on this map and briefly detailed on page 3 of that book I wrote.) Wolves. Crows.
U-Bellet Osc. Lunatics. Black swans. Lich King.
V-As-yet-unnamed half-frozen sea. Crawling with ice raiders in scarves and insect-like wind-masks. White worms. Ice foxes.
W--Nephilidia. Locathath. Algoids. Blind albino piranha.
X-Nornrik: White elves and frost giants.
Y-Deathfrost Mountain. Undead armies.
Z-Last known location of Bluebeard the Pirate. 7 Magic Dwarven pirates.

Glitterspace Robots, Mad Strategy and Reptile Theater

This is just a post about cool things made by people who aren't me:

Appetizer: Lucifer from the original Battlestar Galactica.

Now if you're thinking: oh why don't more things partake in the same delirious bad trip low-fi space-fantasy aesthetic, then check this:
The Outer Space Men
That link has some very interesting notes form the designer on how these things came about, plus other goodies like sketches and space-ships and toy-design history.

Click to enlarge awesomeness of packaging.

Last night I spent hours playing and then more hours at a bar talking about a game that is in the late beta stage called Lyssan. Here are some bits of it...
It's one of those hobby boardgames derived from German things like Settlers of Catan and the one with the wood and the wheat and all that--only not retarded. It's immensely complicated in a good way. It's like Risk for competitive brainiacs (like Small World? Kinda like that but with a gazillion more shoots and ladders). And it has all kinds of cool random mechanics so every game comes up different and clever. If you're into internecine politics, Rube Goldberg strategies and hexcrawl-domination and have 2 or 3 friends who think they're smarter than you I really recommend it.

The designer's running a Kickstarter campaign for it. And since I like it a lot (it's one of those games you lose and instantly want to play again) I hereby am recommending it to you and suggest you check it out and put the full weight of whatever my recommendingness carries with you behind it.

And last up here is a neat location for the Hack Vornheim contest entry courtesy of Dan Voyce who doesn't have his own blog so I am posting it here.

It's a little more "Monsters Everywhere" than I would personally use for a business on the street in Vornheim itself, but it's an interesting place. I could see it fitting nicely in the Vault of the Drow.
______
THE THEATRE AMPHISBAENA

By Dan Voyce

The Theatre Amphisbaena is Vornheim’s most popular venue for reptile opera and outrageous stage shows – thanks mainly to a cadre of reptile men who somehow got the Regent’s blessing to live in the city. A carefully crafted aura of stylish danger pervades the place, only adding to its mystique. The stylish go there just to be seen, the elite use it as neutral ground and for scheming in the shadowed balconies. Countless strands of intrigue, destiny, and chance tangle here: There’s never just one thing going on.

Place it randomly on the Vornheim map. Scandals sometimes force the theatre to close and reopen elsewhere, so you can always move it later. The Amphisbaena prefers tawdry districts amidst taverns, bordellos, and drug dens. Even if the area wasn’t like this when the theatre arrived, within 2d6 weeks it has become so.

There are half a dozen reptile men based at the Amphisbaena (at least officially) plus medusas, nagas and other ophidian things. The remaining entertainers are a mix of commonplace and exotic races.

RANDOM EVENTS & COMPLICATIONS (1d20)
• PC mistaken for missing actor
• 1d6 thieves at work
• Old enemy takes seat next to a PC
• Master of Revels and his cronies burst in to shut the theatre down.
• Interesting meeting tonight… (Roll 1d8 twice to see who’s involved: 1 –villain PCs have met before; 2 –one of the party’s favourite contacts; 3 –random aristocrat; 4 –Eshrigel, 5 –One of Zorlac’s librarians; 6 –church dignitary; 7 –Duke Regent; 8 –random powerful monster)
• Band of drunken young nobles looking for trouble
• Satireveritas escapes
• Public accusation against PCs, resolved with Trial by Drama (Vornheim, p59)
• Fanatics attempt to bring “monstrous reptile men” to justice
• Tonight’s work has been banned but they’re doing it anyway (roll 1d4: 1 –Lampoons nobility, 2 –historical controversy, 3 –religious heresy, 4 –contains demonic ritual).
• Wronged citizen looking for reckoning with the reptile men (roll 1d6: 1 –weeping widow, 2 –cuckolded husband; 3 –blackmailed aristocrat; 4 –outraged priest; 5 –angry adventurers; 6 –someone influential [see option 5])
• One of the mimics has escaped into the cellarage. Well, hopefully it’s still in the cellarage. Could you subdue it for us?
• PCs spot a stage prop is really a dangerous magical item
• PC spots an Eye of Fate scurrying under nearby seat (Vornheim, p9)
• One of the foyer strumpets is a vampire
• Tonight’s show contains a random superstition or fate that afflicts many in the audience
• Random aristocrat woos the party, hoping to become their patron
• Ghosts are everywhere tonight
• Lost in the theatre is a snake whose skin holds a secret
• Tonight’s performance casts a random magical effect on the audience (Vornheim, p62)

LOCATIONS
The interior map may change (generate randomly, as per the citycrawl rules) but décor and basic features remain the same.

Portico
Giant bronze torches flank the entrance, hissing and spluttering. Playbills pasted on the walls advertise what’s coming soon. Carriages clog the street come show time, disgorging a steady stream of guildsmen and aristocrats. Pimps and prostitutes are plentiful, alongside gawpers hoping to see something scandalous.

Foyer
This room is decorated with statues, men and women supposedly turned to stone by the resident medusas. Scantily-clad servants patrol with trays of drinks and sweetmeats (many will dally with visitors in a back room for the right price). Occasionally a reptile man or other notable mingles with arriving crowds to cause a stir.

A giant amphisbaena greets guests from a gilded cage, twin heads bantering suavely sibilant evil with a voice like wasp stings in honey. Their palindromic name is Satireveritas and they adore gossip and scandal – learning it, spreading it, instigating it. The serpent’s other priorities are general mischief and the seduction of beautiful women. Its not unpleasant musk pervades the room.

The theatre’s prices vary a lot depending on the night’s performance and the salaciousness of recent scandals:

TYPICAL PRICES
Food and Drink: 1d4 times usual price
Fumble in a back room: ‘Gift’ worth 3d10gp
Seating (Poor): 2d6gp
Seating (Average): 2d10+10gp
Seating (Private Balcony): 1d10x10+50gp

Stage
A three storey amphitheatre with room for a thousand spectators. Golden ambigrams pattern red walls hung with violent and risqué scenes from famous plays. Private balconies ring the upper levels.

ON STAGE: DAYTIME (1d10)
• Piles of scenery and props
• Rehearsals
• Trial by Drama
• Open call for new talent
• Special effects testing (pyrotechnics, trapdoors, wirework, etc)
• Director haranguing overworked cast
• Playwright surrounded by half-finished scripts
• Auditions
• Mimic training (see cellarage)
• Deserted

ON STAGE: SHOWTIME!

There’s a 50% chance that tonight’s performance is Reptile Opera, the six most popular are currently:

• The Gods Against The Fools.
• The Hierophant and the Harlot’s Chorus
• The Paladin of Pentacles and the Queen of Wands
• The King and the Hanged Man
• The Hero with a Thousand Faces
• The Wise Man’s Journey To Hell

Otherwise roll 1d20 to see what’s on. Not every show is performed by reptile men, but they oversee everything:

• Trial by Drama
• Human Play (roll 1d6 twice and combine: 1–Comedy, 2—Epic, 3—Fairytale, 4—Historical, 5–Morality Tale, 6 – Religious Drama)
• Sex Show
• Bloodsoaked tragic saga of the Nornrik elves
• ‘Vornheim’s Got Talent’ (anyone can take the stage)
• Gross out physical humour inspired by the goblins of Gaxen Kane
• Two noblemen fighting a duel to the death
• Flagellants performing ritual torture on each other
• Public surgery (vivisection, operation, dissection, display)
• Castrato choir
• Unauthorised adaption of one of the party’s previous adventures
• Snake charmers/dancers
• Naga oracle revealing fates and prophecies
• Medium or necromancer communing with the dead
• Medusa dancer-courtesans
• Snow- leopard people dance troupe
• Frenetic religious drummers
• Rhapsodies of the distant south
• Freakshow/caged monsters
• Storytelling illusionist

Backstage
Sprawling over several floors are dressing rooms and storage cupboards; kitchens, living quarters and rooms for discreet assignations. Beyond this (behind various secret doors) is the domain of the reptile men: A snake-guarded, lightless maze of windowless rooms containing demonic pentacles, portals to jungle ziggurats, Cthulhoid angles, bottomless oubliettes …. Basically whatever villainy or plot the DM wants.

Cellarage
Open plan cellar packed with disused props: A labyrinth of paste crowns, sceptres and thrones; fake swords, banners, rocks and trees; collapsible tables, four-poster beds, and hundreds of colourful costumes. Trapdoors and mechanisms allow quick access to and from the stage above.

Further below are snake breeding pits, pens for a number of domesticated mimics that the reptile men use as guards, spies, and living props, and a very well guarded albino hydra whose regenerating flesh provides a never-ending supply of operas.

RANDOM THEATRE NPCS (1d20)

NAME
PROFESSION
SECRETS & PLOTS
1
Cirac Papandreou
Suave and creepy reptile man. Unflappable. Masterful performer.
Coolly juggling the blackmail of 1d100 local aristocrats. Would you like a favour?
2
Jasna Prada
Megalomaniac Prima Donna never without a coterie of admirers, toadies, hangers on and other parasites.
Terrified of reptile men but wishes to undermine them “for the good of humanity”
3
Kamen Zlověstni
Human opera singer with a stylised serpent’s face tattooed over his own.
Devotee of reptile opera, seeking to transform himself into a reptile man.
4
Kasper Meguro
Brilliant but eccentric method actor. Insists on staying in character at all times.
Secretly a doppelganger/shapeshifter. Real one is kept locked away.
5
Coburn Palookas
Blustering but friendly old thespian (hammier than a butcher’s shop).
Waiting patiently for the Man With The Jewelled Violet Eye… then revenge at last!
6
Seamus Zelazny
Special effects expert. Master of flash powder, stage magic, alchemical lighting etc.
Moonlights as a gigolo/courtesan. Is in over their head with 1d6 psychotic aristocrats
7
Goth Zocchi
Sinister harlequin. Speaks of himself in the third person.
Genie in human guise. Instigates and advances Chaos in all its forms.
8
Ophelia Sweet
Precocious singer and dancer/acrobat.
Kleptomaniac, addicted to the adrenalin rush. Moonlights as a daring thief.
9
Goshen Mernik
Irascible bombastic womanising high-functioning alcoholic. Flawless on stage.
Looking for an opportunity to go out in a blaze of glory.
10
Violet Pavane
Musician.
Secretly untalented, uses magic to hide it. Always wants more.
11
Mullen Poag
Stagehand/Roustabout
Agent of rival theatre here to spy and sabotage.
12
Cena Batista
Snake dancer/handler
Locked in bafflingly esoteric bloodless duel with rival reptile man.
13
Abner Dysart
Bit Part Actor.
Blackmailed by the Master of Revels, looking for evidence to get the theatre shut down.
14
Zampanò
Disturbingly intense child prodigy.
Being stalked by obsessive noble.
15
Unger Zdunich
Gothic necromancer.
Has a cursed item they’re desperate to be rid of.
16
Simon Sevenarms
Juggler/acrobat. Magically created multi-armed half man, half spider monkey.
Totally insane in private. Wants to release the theatre’s hydra.
17
Pulchus Grome
Larger than life ogre tenor.
Shortly to be killed and used by The Chain (Vornheim, p8). Roll 1d3: Target is… 1) in audience, 2) in cast, 3) the PCs.
18
Aulis Iago
Magician. Knows genuine magic but pretends its all stagecraft and misdirection.
Fallen into the clutches of local witches (Vornheim, p8). Being forced to do terrible things for their amusement.
19
Sanguine Sekushi
Elegant medusa dancer-courtesan.
Planning to launch challenge for control of the theatre during its next opera.
20
Jagga Tupu
Naga oracle.
Demons occasionally torment her dreams until she commits a wicked act.

Sandy Box Kit

Mandy is going to DM an Arabian Nights-y Middle East Campaign, so I am writing up some "Sandy Box" tools she can use to fill in the gaps when DMing...

DISTANCES (approximate)

Capital to capital with a different language
(ex: Baghdad, Iraq to Tehran, Iran)
420 miles
14 days ride
28 days walking

City to nearby big city
(ex. Mecca, Saudi Arabia to Medina, Saudi Arabia
Baghdad, Iraq to Mosul, Iraq)
Cairo, Egypt to Jerusalem, Israel)
250 miles
9 days ride
18 days walking

Going about as far as you can and still be in 1001 Nights territory
(Morocco to Afghanistan)
4500 Miles
150 days ride
300 days walking

Sailing:
(Assuming a small boat with no crew other than the PCs. Larger boats with full crews could sail all night and go twice as fast.)

Sailing to the next decent-sized port along the coast
50 miles
1 day

Sailing from port to port in a different Middle Eastern country
(ex: Beirut to Alexandria, Egypt, or Beirut to Turkey)
300 miles
6 days

Sailing about as far as you can sail and still be in a 1001 Nights-y land
(Morocco to Syria via Mediterranean)
2000 miles
40 days

DESERT ENCOUNTERS

Roll 1 per day riding, 2 per day if walking, 3 per day hunting or searching

1-5 Harmless edible animals worth #of day food for one human = to number shown on dice
6-10 Snake (poisonous)
11-20 Bandits
21-25 Insect swarm
25-30 Sandstorm
31-34 Wild dogs
35-37 Scorpion (normal)
38-39 Oasis
40-44 Mirage
45 Mirage with hag, sand witch, or mind flayer waiting
46 Caravan--merchants
47 Caravan--starving
48 Caravan--pilgrims
49 Lone trader
50 Exiled madman
51 Bad guy disguised as something innocent
52 Half-a-man
53 Abandoned cart
54 Living statue/idol (immobile)
55-57 Sinkhole
58-59 Ogre
60 Ettin
61-62 Wizard with retinue
63-69 Jackal Men
70-78 Sand shark
79-80 Giant snake
80-81 Yak men
82-85 Giant desert lizard
86-87 Skeletons
88-89 Skeletons riding skeletal horses
90 Sphinx (think of a riddle)
91-92 Giant scorpion
93-94 Giant spider
95-97 Sandman
98 Sarlacc (hidden, like a sinkhole)
99-100 Talking animal (small bird, lizard, fox etc.)

We have TSR's Al Qadim stuff, but if anybody out there has any links to useful pseudo-Middle Eastern D&D stuff, let us know in the comments.

Remember: Mandy's relatively new to DMing, so relatively simple, newbie-friendly material is best. System will be the usual lite 3.5/AD&D mash-up so almost any era resource is cool.

Monsters and Items

This is just a page to help me organize old stuff on this blog to make it easier to find.

Monsters

CifalGanger/Child of En-Gorath
Sublunary Men
Vomiter
Fishwife
Thog
Tower Golem
Skrath
Hollow Bride
Maggot Naga
Eye of Dread
Narcissus Peacock
Maidenmother Crone
The Chain
Wyvern of the Well
Nephilidian Vampire
Lingua Necrotica or Plague Tongues

Items

Hammer of Exorcism
Random Megadungeon Treasure Table
Artifact: Oorld's Wide Web
Artifact: Unimaginable Star of...
Forgetting Dust
3 Items
Binding Painting
Other Items