A Vital D&DoLogical Question

Oh I am wearied by this malcontent and warmongering.

Let us now discuss a more important issue, and one which doth affect us all, here in lands where D&D is played.

Jake or Finn?

Leave your vote and (vitally) the reasons for it in the comments.

As usual, rigor is requested and error will be destroyed without prejudice or mercy.

No, Seriously, WOTC Totally Did Hire Me To Work On 5E

So you know how yesterday I posted that April Fool's joke about how WOTC hired me to work on Type V D&D?

It wasn't a joke.

They really did.

All the stuff I said yesterday is completely true--including the bit about how the nerdrage-provoking sucknesses the web keeps telling me are in 5e doesn't seem to be in any of the stuff they've sent.

I hasten to add that nothing in my contract obliges them to listen to me so, y'know, don't blame me if it turns out the resolution's all done on a d9 and the only viable class/race combo is owlbear monk.

Anyway, should be a pip.

Now back to work.

So WOTC's Hired Me To Work On 5th Edition

Yep.

Monte Cook reads the blog, Mike Mearls reads the blog, I suppose it was only a matter of time.

So they send me things and I make my computer read them to me while I paint and then I write an email back telling them what I think and how I would've done it and they make me sign stuff and I then I get a check.

Obviously there's this nondisclosure agreement but I can probably say this: half the stuff The Internet thinks is in 5E is stuff the Internet made up. But, y'know, to be expected.

Hellllo Marilith.

___

EDIT: Yes, this was posted April 1st. Still not a joke though.

Comic Book Villains Ripe For D&Dification

Dr DoomVictor Von Doom of Latveria is periodically made medieval in actual Marvel comics. Evil knight behind perforated mask with a few magic-user levels. And he already has a castle with a map. Go nuts.


The Time Trapper.
Who is the Time Trapper? Click to enlarge...
"It is known that the Time Trapper dominates the wasteland of Earth in its dying millennia....He possesses great armies and weapons of power, the source of which are unknown"

And he looks like that. So you don't even need to change his costume.

He can age you or de-age you or send you through time or whatever.

Just don't remind him how things used to go back in the day.


Dr Fate When He's Bad
Dr Fate is what DC comics has instead of Dr Strange. He gets his powers from an ancient Egyptian helmet so naturally there are lots of stories where someone bad gets the helmet.
In a Keith Giffen miniseries he makes a demon mouth appear in mid air and projectile vomit raw eldritch plasm on Batman fucking killing him.In a Neil Gaiman future story the Fate helmet becomes all corrupt and old and vampiric and suchlike. It sits in a neoEgyptian temple being all...
...and then some idiot does and then Fate uses the poor bastard's mouth to deliver the following critique of Gygaxian cosmology: "Order. It's offal. Chaos. It's garbage. They were just different names for the same thing: The gurgle, ooze, purl and spurt of protoplasm, deluding itself that there's meaning. There is no meaning. Just the flesh. And death. And..." then the helmet sucks the life out of the guy wearing it falls to the floor and it lays there being gross.

Artifact or relic? Hmmm...

The Demon Bear that fought the New Mutants...

It's a demon. It's a bear. Need me to draw a map?

Shuma Gorath
Maybe Shuma-Gorath is cheating--the name is from RE Howard and the rest is pure Lovecraft, but there's something about the platonic tentacle-eyeball-nothing-else simplicity of old S-G that's terribly appealing. And why not give Gorath the same schtick as...

Starro The ConquerorNow, of all the possible individuals who might try to take over the world by having small duplicates of themselves climb onto everyone's face, Starro is maybe less my first choice than, say, Scarlet Johannsen, still, Starro is pretty cool.So cool I had a Starro attack the PCs at sea a couple weeks ago...

Marvel's Merlyn
In the case of Alan Moore's take on a manipulative, time-travelling, dimension-hopping Merlyn, a picture is worth a thousand words...
'

The Mindless Ones
They're big and tough and zap you and are from another dimension. Also they have no minds. Their "No. Appearing" figure is pretty grim.

Malekith The Accursed
What If... Robert Plant was a dark elf sorcerer in crazy warpaint who unleashed the Cask of Winters? Then you would be playing some excellent D&D is what. So enjoy that.

The Beast

Not not the blue guy who goes "Oh my stars and garters"--the creature from the Elektra: Assassin miniseries that's worshipped by ninjas and possesses people via evil milk. Also possessed of a fairly impressive traditional claw claw bite routine.

Mordru
There isn't that much that's special about Mordru per se--he's just another in a long line of beardy wizards--but that issue of Legion of Superheroes (the "Mordru-verse" issue) where he establishes complete Orwellian dominion over Earth using technomagical surveillance and controls all the other villains is pretty sweet.

Earth X Uatu
The gorgeous dysversal Earth X miniseries used Machine Man's origins in the old 2001:A Space Odyssey comic series as a backdoor to bring in a lot of visual references to Kubrick's film, but none more memorable than John Paul Leon's image of Marvel Comics omniscient, objective Watcher as a crippled, corrupt version of the 2001 Starchild collapsing under the weight of his own big smug overevolved head.

Ego, the Living Planet

Speaking of big heads. Got the All-My-PCs-Are-Level-20 blues? Have them fight a planet.

Klarion the Witch Boy
He's disturbing and so is his cat.


Etrigan The Demon + The Gargoyle

He's a duke of Hell, he speaks in rhyme and his soul is wedded eternally to an unfortunate scholar named Jason Blood. The only thing not totally D&D about Etrigan is his technicolor outfit...But that's easily fixed by saying he dresses like Marvel's similar-looking-but-less-cool-acting Gargoyle...

Called Shot Mechanic

Problem: in most kinds of D&D, the cooler the stunt you made up, the less practical it is to try to do it.

At least playing by the book.

Like:

"I want to cut the chain in mid-air so the morningstar ball goes flying"

"Ok, that's minus 2 for a called shot..ok, roll..."

______

Solution:

Naturally if you roll a natural 20 you do whatever awesome extra cool thing you were thinking you'd do, so...

Here's the deal: if you want to do something real specific--like hit the orc's torch and knock it on the floor, you can if you roll a crit. You can also extend your crit range as much as your heart desires: natural 19-20, 18-20, 16-20, all the way up to 11-20. Your choice.

The only catch is you then have to extend your fumble range from one by the same amount.

So you really want to knock the Necronomicon out of the cultist's hand? No problem, you want it on a 15-20? Ok. But on a 1-6 you trip and accidentally stab the baby he was about to sacrifice. Or yourself. Or your dad. Or whatever your DM's cruel little heart devises.

Satine runs a game...

<---(Satine shown here totally not in the middle of running a game)

So my 5th level thief, Blixa, started life as a Warhammer PC. He then, through the magic of FLAILSNAILS Google + games, has migrated through the D&D retroclone Swords & Wizardry, then AD&D, possibly Mentzer red box-era D&D in there, Labyrinth Lord (another clone), Lamentations of the Flame Princess: Weird Fantasy, and now, for his greatest challenge ever, we took this 3d6-rolled-in-order schmuck and kitted him out with skills, feats and dailies so he can roll 4th Edition style (and his little dog, too)...

And--god help us--our girl Satine is the DM.

Actually Satine's been DMing a lot lately since she started organizing twice-weekly games at Meltdown Comics* but since I've been in another country all winter this was my first chance to see her actually go to the comic book store and see her do it. Some notes:

-Did you see that episode of Axe** where Satine lost her PC and was saying how she'd lost the last one 15 years before? You know how she lost that one? Hell hounds. You know what she had us fight? Hell hounds.

-4e's much-lauded balance relies on several assumptions, one being that your PC has 4e stats. Mine doesn't. He's got a 7 strength, 7 con and his best score is a 14 dex. I had to self-balance by trying as hard as possible never to ever do anything that required me rolling the dice. Which is exactly how I run Blixa in every other game. (Thieves suck) (Yet oddly this thief is one of the highest level FLAILSNAILS PCs.)(And people die like flies in those games.)(Go figure.)

-Satine's good at describing things as they happen "It explodes and there's a shimmer of light..." etc. and has an admirably relaxed attitude toward the Rules As Written. We're doing group initiative f'r'example. World hasn't ended yet.

-So I'm in a ring of fire, right? Because I brought flaming oil with me and these are ice hell hounds...

-Best 4e moment of the night: So all the other players are totally new to the game--this is their first campaign (and they're so sweet). This one kid is trying to shoot a hellhound with an arrow and decides he'll run so that me and my ring of fire are between him and the hell hound, then shoot an arrow through the flame, so it catches on fire on the way and then hits the hell hound. Excellent***.

-Worst 4e moment of the night: The brand new girl (the D&DMelt crowd is about 20% female) with her psion has seriously this 4 page character sheet and has to wade through it like a bucket of pint tar every round. Satine did a good job of priming the kids with "Hey you can do whatever you want, these are just some of the things you can do" but still, a 4e sheet is a lot to handle and poorly organized. And the fact that the online builder does it for you means the new girl wasn't along for the ride in making all these numbers happen so she doesn't remember them.

-Kinda What You'd Expect 4e moment of the night: The new girl finally finds the part of her character sheet where she can use her brain powers to make the hellhounds fight each other. Everybody is like Whoa, you're awesome! She seems much happier and more relaxed and pro-active once we're out of combat rounds.

-So there's one of those situations where you grab an NPC to interrogate and eventually--you guessed it--the NPC loses an ear. That always happens. Do you blame Tarantino or Lynch or do you blame ears? They look so cut-offable.

-The kids love Satine. It's cute. I hope they aren't traumatized when she kills them.

______________
*Hollywood geography lesson: Meltdown Comics, by dint of being in central Hollywood across from Guitar Center and also massive, is sort of the Hollywood funtelligentsia's front lawn, like you take the MGM executive you're trying to talk into producing your Alita Battle Angel movie to eat at Toi across the street and then go buy an Alita Battle Angel comic book so you can go "See she looks like this?" and then he goes "I get it, I get it...I'm seeing...Cameron Diaz?" and then you cry--with the much smaller and less vinyl-toy-infested Secret Headquarters in Silver Lake being more the same cohort's den/drawing room, like where you go to meet up with the other screenwriters and special effects guys and DJs and go "Cameron Diaz? I know, right, but I'm getting 9 figures just for the treatment so fuck it".

**There's currently some propaganda telling you to join the marines at the beginning of the video. Don't join the marines.

***Even if there's no way I would've let him do that. Unless maybe he coated the arrow in oil first. But hey, adventure is the aestheticization of physics

Unfinished Location File

Thought it would be helpful to get all of these in one place...

EXQUISITE CARCOSA AVDENTURE GAME

Ok, kids--NEW GAME!!!!!

We take this adventure that Joesky wrote and Dyson drew the map for and pass it around just keep adding stuff (each in your own color) until it's a whole campaign worth of adventure...

This color: JOESKY (Feb 17, 2012)

This color: Zak S (Mar 6, 2012)

__________________________

Original material is here.

__________________________

A CARCOSA AVDENTURE FOR YOU



HERE IS A CARCOSA I MADE. IT IS FOR THE MAP FROM DYSON LOGOS, WHO MAKES THE AWESOMEST MAPS OFALL.

YOUR MISSHIN: KILL THESE GODDAMS BEFORE THEY SUMMON THE AMFIBIOUS ONES. THE SORCEROR IS READY TO ROCK, JUST WAITING FOR SOME FOG AT NIGHT. MAYBE THE PCS ARE HIRED BY AFRAID VILLAGERS, OR THEY CATCH A JALE GUY WHO RAN AWAY, OR SOMETHING TO TELL THEM THAT A

RIUTUAL IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Or maybe someone's noticed precisely the right varieties of gem, creature, and virgin are missing. WHATEVER, JUST GET THEM OVER THEIR AND TELL THEM TO HURRY THE FUCK UP AND SAVE THE LITTLE GIRL. IF YOU WANT TO PUT SOME URGENT ON IT, THEN SAY TONIGHT WILL BE A FOG NIGHT, OR SOME NIGHT IN 1-4 NIGHTS.

THIS IS A SMALL LAIRE SO BIG FIGHT NOISE FROM ONE AREA (#1-5) WILL ALERT ALL THE OTHERS AREA, UNLESS YOU DO A REAL SNEEK TAKEDOWN.

ALSO THE AC IS DESCENTING BECAUSE IN AMERICA YOU’ARE FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AND YOU CAN PRY MY DESCENTING AC FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS (BUT I HOPE IT SOENS’T COME TO THAT!!!! But also I've added ascending AC because America--unlike Carcosa--was built on the principles of both Liberty and Equality....not to mention Convenience.

1) ASSHOLETREE. JUST LOOKS LIKE A DEAD TREE (and, temptingly for your sneakier PCs, it is 10' taller than the wall to which it is mouthwateringly adjacent--which wall is 80' tall if you are wondering. Oh, and so are all the others.) BUT THE JOKES IS ON YOU! SPAWN OF SHUBNIGURATH (MV NONE, AC 8/12 BARK, HD 15, SPECIAL ATT., AL C). SLEEPS IN DAY, ONLY TIME OF FOR DANGER IS NIGHT. IF ANYONE GOES UNDER THE TREE TO SLEEP OR PISS OR SPY OR JUST WHATEVER, ROOTS COME OUT FROM GROUND AND A GRAB -ATTACK IS HAPPEN! ON 6D6 ROLL EACH ROUND – UNDER STR 3X IN ROW AND YOU BREAK FREE, ROLL OVER 3X IN ROW AND YOU ARE SUCKED UNDER THE DIRT (INSTADEATH!), ANYTHING ELSE AND YOU JUST STUCK IN A WRESSLE. FRENDS WHO HELP MIGHT GET A GRAB-ATTACKT TO – THE ASSHOLETREE MAY SPREAD ITS GRABBER ROOTS AROUND, LIKE 2D6 AGAINST ONE GUY AND 4D6 AGAINST A NOTHER, OR 2D6 ON ONE AND 3D6 ON OTHER AND 1D6 FOR SOMEONE ONE OTHER ATTACK, ETERCETERA……..ETC…….. (THE TREE LIKES TO GRAB LOTS OF PEOPLE SO DON’T BE A DICK DM AND GIVE ALL 6D6 ON ONE DUDE IF MORE PCS ARE THEIR). ANYONE NOT GETTING ROOT-FONDLED CAN ATTACK (ONLY CHOPPER WEPONS DO DAMAGE. NO TRESURE HEAR, JUST A SHITTY ATITUDE TREE. If compelled to reveal its secrets by some means it pretty much knows everything because nobody is like Oh, hey we better not talk about this here because there's a tree. Including he knows the Boss can't hear anything. As do most of the cultists below, by the way.

2. ROMPUS ROOM. 8 JALE CULTERS (AC 8/12, MV 12, HD 1, AC 8 HEVY ROBES, 1 ATTACK WITH A KNIFE OR CLUB, AL C) DICK AROUND IN HEAR NOT DOING MUCH. 55% CHANCE DURING A DAY ONE OFTHEM PAYS ATTENTION OUT THE FRONT DOOR TO SEE INTRADERS, 13% CHANCE AT NIGHT. THEY DONT KNOW ABOUT THE TREE SO IF THEY SEE IT EATING SOME-ONE THEY WILL IF A TREE EATED SOME-ONE THEY WILL FREAK OUT (A MONSTER-TREE????? I DID NOT SINE-UP FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11) AND COWARD IN THE ROOM. FOR HAPPENS IN THAT IS A YES. EACH GUY HAD 4-16SP + 0-5GP TRESURES.

2A) BACKDOOR BERNIES. 2 JALE CULTERS (MV 12, AC 9/11 SHITTY CLOSE, HD 1, 1 ATTACK SLING OR KNIVE, AL N) LOOK OUT THE BACK WAY and also, occasionally "fish"--or whatever the word is for trying to pull slimeslathered finny abstractions out of whatever pellucid ooze passes for water in dim Carcosa. THEY ARE SCARED SHITLESSS AND ALWAYS ALERT 80% OF THE TIME. ALSO THEY ARE NOT CONVINCE THAT RAPING GIRLS AND HANG-OUT WITH MONSTERS IS A COOL; IDEA, SO IF IF THE PCS LOOK ALL BUFF THEY WILL SWICH SIDES AND JOIN AS HENTCHMEN AND FIGHT HARD TO MAKE THINGSR IGHT.NO TRESURE FOR THESE GUYS, THEY JUST PAYED THEIR CULT DO’S. Though they do have a net and a tackle box. It has some twisty hooks and live bait--unsettling, small things best left alone, really. One is psionic and whispers things. It is kind of like an emeraldish looking dumpling with teeth. It can be used as a magical or psionic battery to double a caster's power, but every time it is used it gets one of the caster's actions with which to do as it dumplingly pleases. It may save these up for a whole simultaneous mess of mayhem or dribble them out one at a time.

They also have a copy of "The Compleat Angler" whose title translates into Carcosan as "Mesh Death".

3) SHITSTORM. THIS IS WHER THE TOUGHGUY CULTERS HANG OUT. 4 JALE CULT THUGS (MV 12, AC 7/13 NAKED BUT FAST, HD 2+1, 2 ATTACKS EACH WITH A CRAZY LOOKING SICKEL OR CURVY SWORD OR SOMETHIN-G IN EACH HAND unless the PCs are very quiet, one is kinda hiding around the corner and has blinding powder--makes a 10' cloud, save or be blind, AL C, CAUSE FEER UNLESS SAVE VS. SPELLS FOR ANYONE WITH LOWER HD) GO FUCKING CRAZY AT THE CHANCE TO FIGHT. IMMUNE TO ANY MIND GAMES THAT CAUSE THEM NOT TO FIGHT, DONT BOTHER MORALE. ORANGE WARPAIINT IN SWURLS & SIMBOLS, HOOT AND HOLLAR, DO CARTWEELS AND FLIPS TO CHOP YOU UP. NO TRESURE, THESE FUCKERS ARE IN IT FOR THE MURDERRAPEING

THERES ALSO A FIRE WITH SOME TASTY LIZARD MEAT GRILLING UP ON STICKS (EAT A HOT FOOD MEAL EACHDAY HEALS EXTRA 1HP PER DAY).

THE STARES GO DOWNSTARES 20′ THEN END IN A GIANT METAL DOOR OF HI-TECHNOLOGY. THEIR IS A PALM LOCK THAT OPENS FOR A SPACE ALIEN HAND (EVEN A DECAPATAINTED ONE) OTHER WISE YOU NEED EXPLOSIONS OR LOTS OF DINOSARS TO OPEN THIS BABY UP. INSIDE………………….IS UP TO YOU, DM!!!!!!!!!!!11 MAYBE A WAY OFF CARCOSA IF THE PCS ARE JUST VISIT FROM ANOTHER CAMPAINE, MAYBE SPACE ALIEN GOODIES, OR MUMMY BRAINS OR SOMETHING……….THE IMAGANATION IS YOUR LIMIT (IE. NO LIMIT).

3A) BOSS ROOM. HERE WE GO, THE MAIN EVENT!!! IN THIS CORNER IS A REAL PRICK, ‘THE MEGATOLLAH OF MAYHAM’ JALE 4TH LEVEL SORCER (MV 9, AC 4/16 CHAIN+HEVY ROBES, HD4, ATTACK PIRATE SWORD OR SPECIAL, AL C). His ears have slowly LaMarcked over into clubbed mounds in response to his Serpentine Amplifier (see below) and so he can't hear. He relies on his guys in room 3 to warn him of impending whatnot. He'll be asleep if the PCs show up during daylight. HE WARES A CREEPY SNAKE-MAN FILTER OVER MOUTH THAT AMPERFIES HIS SHOUT TO DEADLY SOUND LEVEL! WHEN HE YELLS A CONE BLASTS OUT 2D DAMAGE TO 20′, 1D TO 40′, FARTHER AWAY THEN THAT ALL IT DOES IS PISS YOU OFF IF YOU HAVE A HANG OVER. HE CAN BUST SHIT LIKE THE 3 LITTLE PIGS IF HE STANDING REAL LYCLOSE. WHEN HE MAKES A SHOUT IT TAKES 3 ROUNDS TO RECHARGE FOR ANOTHER ONE. IF THE PCS END UP WITH THIS THING, MAKE IT A 5% CHANCE PER USING TO BLOW ITSELF UP. HE KNOWS THE TWO AMFIBIOUS ONES RITUALS. HE WARES CHROME BRACERS WORTH 75GP + GOLD TOERING 25GP.

AND NEXT TO HIM IS HIS LOVE-BIRD A JALE CHICK 2ND FIGHTER (MV 12, AC 8/12 CHAIN BRA+PANTIES, HD 2, ATT. 2 FLAME OIL BOTTLES, AL C). She likewise has all fucked-up ears but they look better on her--she still can't hear though. SHE WARES 8 JADE BRASELETTES ON ANKLES AND ARMS shaped like centipedes WORTH 40GPEACH + GOLD BELLY CHAIN 45GP (I LOVE THOSE THINGS!!!!!).

THEY MITE EVEN BE BROTHER/SISTER LIKE IN THAT MOVIE “THE CROW” WHICH MAKESIT EVEN WIERRDER……..OR NOT I JUST THOGUHT THAT COULD BE GOO DA IDEA. LIKE IN THE CROW. I HAVE SEEN THIS MOVIE ABOUT 12 TIMES AND I HAVE A THE CROW CREW JACKIT (I DID NOT WORK ON THE CROW, ONLY WATCH TED IT.) I have the soundtrack.

ANYWAY THEY LIKE TO HANG BACK AND WATCH THE THUGS GO TO TOWN, SHE WILL LAUGH AND TOSS OIL BOTTLES EVERY KNOW AND THEN. IF TWO OF THE THUGS GO DOWN HE WILL JOIN IN COMBAT WITH A SHOUT (assuming they're awake) (HE DONT CARE WHO HE HITS)(and, yes, he is dumb enough to kill everyone who can hear), THE SISTER WILL TRY TO RUN OUT BACK AND GRAB THE WHITE GIRL AND RUN AWAY.

JACKEDPOT!!!! THIS IS THE TRESURE ROOM, A CHEST XCONTAIN: 1135GP + 924SP + 23 PURPLE CRISTALS WORTH 30GP EACH. A LITTLE POT CONTINAES GOOP THAT LOOKS LIKE HONEY, SMELLS LIEK TURDS, AND S 4 DOSES THAT IF YOU EAT YOU GET PSIONICS POWER FOR 1-2 DAYS (and a small handlike "crown" grows on the tip of your tongue, it will slowly try to reach into your brain while you sleep if not amputated within 3 days). A SILVER COFFER WORTH 75GP HOLDS SNAKE-MEN POTENCY ROOTS. 4 PRIMO-BLEND TORCHES THAT BURN FOR 12 HOURS EACH AND CANT BE BLOWED OUT, ONLY SPLASHED OUT WITH WATER ARE AGANST THE WALL. AND THERE’S A MAN-CATCHER IN HEAR TO (MAKEUP SOME RULES FOR). The boss and his babe use the sleeping body of a pupal giant Mothra as a bed. It won't turn into a Mothra for like 5 more years. Probably someone would pay good money for it if they could get it alive. Weighs about 500 lbs.

4) WALK THE DINOSAR. IN HERE IS A ANKLOSARUS (MV 6, HD10, AC2/18 SKINS, 1 ATT. IF IT HITS ROLL D4 1) BITE 1D, 2) STOMP 2D, 3) TAIL THWAP 3D, 4) NO DAMAGE BUT TOSSED 30FEETS AWAYS, AL N) THEY ARE TRY TO TAME BY STARVE HIM, BUT IT DOES NOT WORK. HE IS CHAINED TO THEFL OOR BUT NOW IS FEDUP WITH THE BULL-SHIT: ANYONE COMES IN AND IT BRAKES A CHAIN AND GOES NUTS. ALOS IF IT HEARS A FIGHT NOISE IN #3 IT GOES CRAZY AND BUSTS THREW THE WALL LIKE A KOOL-AID-MAN (BUT WITH ANGER TO GIVE INSTEAD OF REFRESHING KOOL-AID). WHENEVER IT ATTACKTS IT GOES FOR RANDOM PERSON (EVEN CULTGUYS). TRESURE: A DEAD CULT BODY (GOT TWO CLOSE DUMMY!) HAS 4G.P. + 15S.P. + 6 ARROWS + SILVER DAGGAR. Also, the ankylosaur's shell is encrusted with precious gems (for some ceremonial reason) worth 1000gp, but each miss--like any hit that would've made it if not for its meddling AC--destroys 1 gp value worth of gems per hit point of damage done.

5) COME AND GET EM. 3 PRIOSNERS TIEDTO THE 3 PILLERS HERE AND TORCHES BURN ON OF TOP EACH ONE.

PRISONER 1: PURPLE DUDE (MV 3, AC9/11, HD 1HP LEFT, NO ATTACK UNTIL YOU GIVE HIM A WEPON, AL N). HES BEEN BEATDOWN AND FUCKED UP SO HE WILL PROBALY DIE NO MATTER WAHT BUT IF YOU SET HIM FREE AND GIVE HIM A WEPON HE FIGHTING LIKE A 5TH LEVEL FIGHTER TO GET HIS REVENJE ON JALE ASSHOLES.ONE HIT KILLS HIM SO TRY TO MAKE SURE GETS A SHOTIN.

PRISONER 2: WHITE GIRL (MV12, AC 9/11, HD 1/2, ATT. DAGGAR, ALN). SHE GOT THE wiggly DAGGAR HID SOMEWARE SO IF A UNTIE COMES FROM THE JALE CHICK TO RUN, A STAB HAPPINS RIGHT AWAY. TRY TO KEEP HER SAVE, SHE DOES NOT DESERVE A CARCOSA HER. (MAYBE GIVE EXTRA XP FOR A RESCUE). She is dyed orange for some reason.

PRISONAR 3: BONE LADY (MV 15, AC 7/13 NAKED BUT FAST, HD 3, ATT. STRANGAL). THOSE ARE SOME WEIRD STATS FOR A JUST BONE LADY………..BECASUE SHE IS NOT! A TRICK IS MADE!!!!!!! SOMETIME IN THE PASSED DAYS A FUCKER SPAWN NIGURATH CREPT OUT FROM SWAMP AND GANKED HER IT HAS DOPPELGANGLER POWERS. HER SKIN IS MOSTLY SEETHROUGH BUT SOME NOT-SEETHROUGH PATCHES MIGHT GIVE THE TRICK AWAY. ALSO SHE TALKS LIKE THE KEY-MASTAR OF GOZER, SO THE PCS SHOULD BE WTF???? IF UNTIE SHE COOP-ERATE FOR A COUPLE ROUNDS, THAN WHEN A BACK IS TURNED SHE STRIKES. ONE OF THE GUYS FROM #2A HAS A BONER FOR HER SO IF THEY ARE PART OF THE TEAM, HE WILL STICK CLOSE AND PROLBALY BE THE ONE THAT GETS JACKED. HER NATURAL FORM LOOKS LIKE A BIG YELLOW DIAREA THAT SQIRTS AROUND ON THE GROUND.She also has the ability to turn enemies temporarily transparent so she can copy their brains and therefore acquire any spells or psionic abilities they have.

6. Abandoned well. It's 4' wide and 70' down and from the bottom there's a secret passage that leads underground and up to a trap door in the floor under the "bed" in 3A. Unfortunately two things: first thing is it will collapse after its used for the first time (i.e. when you get to 3a) so you'll probably have to fight your way out through 3 and second thing is it is full of the body parts left over after various sacrifices. The body parts carry psychic resonance patterns from all the victims of all the terrible Carcosa business going on nearby. Pretty much narrate it so it's terrible walking through there but don't do anything really unless you enjoy psychic combat type mechanics way more than I do. Also the hands crawl around and grab people and like the eyes roll around and follow them, etc.

There's also a cultist (stats as Room 2 above) who fell down here when he was drunk. The PCs will just wake him up from being unconscious by climbing down so he's jumpy. He has a broken knee, is sitting in a pile of his own vomit, and has a tangle of slightly living thorns that he uses as a weapon--d6 damage per round until you Str your way out of it plus you can't move--in addition to the standard cultist gear. He is too hungover to negotiate with.

If you're feeling lazy you can have the passage lead to those stairs south of area 3a.

_________________________________

Ok, that's the adventure so far.

The next person to add to it will be chosen from the first eight comments in chronological order via a random d8 roll--so if you want to add something, sign up now.

That person, naturally, must repost this whole thing, add details and maybe new locations in a different color, and choose his/her successor.

(I rolled: it's Barry Blatt--and here it is ).

Instant Easy Lazy Dungeon Blocks

Oh my, wherever did this solid dense chunk of dungeon scenery come from? Surely Mister S such craftsmanship and verisimilitude must be expensive, not to mention heavy?

BY NO MEANS! It did, in truth, begin life as a humble pale hunk of mere styrofoam.
The nice part about using styrofoam is you pretty much get a new chunk of dungeon every time you have to replace a major appliance. This here Ghost Tower of Inverness-style dungeon trap came with my new Mac...
So really, this is cake easy--you can do it in like 3 minutes, seriously.

Get some black acrylic. Thin it in water. Why acrylic? Because enamel and oil are sticky and smell bad and hard to thin and because tempera flakes right off and gouache is just expensive tempera and ink and watercolor are just for people who don't know that acrylic is cheaper and does the same thing if you thin it down.
So you get a big floppy brush and dip it in there. Be SURE to use a Cherry Dr Pepper bottle--other bottles will not work.

Remember: Do all this in a clean, dry area--or not, you could just do it on your 80-year old hardwood floor. Fuck it, it's acrylic, cleans up with water.

It might kinda look wrong at first, just add lotsa paint and lotsa water, it'll settle...I personally find the texture can be either Old School Gray Dungeon or do double duty as Brutalized Postapocalyptic Concrete...

It dries pretty fast and voi-fucking-la...
Also, it's fun to throw them at people and they're like Aaaaahh....ohit'sjustafakerockaren'tyoucharming

So, yeah, ReduceReUseRecycleDumpsterDive all that good stuff and pretty soon you'll have an insane looking dungeon and your players will be like Wow where did you get the idea for that 3-tiered-arena? and you can be all It came to me on a vision quest in the desert instead of saying it's actually just the negative space around a coffee maker.

Dwimmermount Actual Play Slice

James Maliszewski: What are you preparing?

Tavis: Two Sleeps

Ryan : Yeah.

Zak: Awww, man, I'm always hoping we'll find a way to kill someone with Ventriloquism

T: Alright, Ventriloquism

(.....dungeoncrawling occurs......)

J: I have to go soon it's almost midnight and then I turn into a pumpkin and I don't want anyone to see that on camera.

Z: I always suspected. Ok, let's just keep running due south until we meet a monster...

J: South? There's a monster! Well...you hear some orcs up ahead anyway, they sound like the other ones.

Z: Ok, we only have 5 minutes! We have to kill them with ventriloquism! OkOkOk we put a pool of oil here and stretch a chain across the doorway like this and we stand on either side of the door like this...

T: And we Sleep them

Z: And then you make your ventriloquism go like 'Oh no! What do we do with all this treasure after killing all these orcs?'...Oh and throw caltrops in the oil!

T: I love this game.

Seconds later 2 orcs are in the trap and Ryan is begging for death after running out to cast Sleep and getting arrowed through the heart. Tavis refuses to oblige and begins hauling him back toward the dungeon entrance. I roll my eyes at the ways of wizards.

Connie Drew This Map

It's everything we got so far.
(Or at least everything the players know about)
(I have my own map I'm not gonna post here where they can see it)
The idea is to give a reference point for whatever's going on while also giving the players room to put notes down:

Some older maps, from whence came this one