Showing posts with label plugs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label plugs. Show all posts

Thursday, April 5, 2012

A Vital D&DoLogical Question

Oh I am wearied by this malcontent and warmongering.

Let us now discuss a more important issue, and one which doth affect us all, here in lands where D&D is played.

Jake or Finn?


Leave your vote and (vitally) the reasons for it in the comments.

As usual, rigor is requested and error will be destroyed without prejudice or mercy.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Do Your Dumb Thing

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

This Took 15 Minutes. Try it.

The Land Of Xai
(assuming PCs sail the shortest route)
Day one
Dead calm sea (lose a day of movement)

Day two
Aquatic elf

Day three
Sealizard

Day four
Dead calm sea (lose a day of movement)

Day five
A medium-sized passing ship is sighted. What is it?
5 weird pirates (6th level) but accompanied by 8 crowmen.

Day six
Stranglekelp

Day seven
Clouds form and skies darken

Day eight
Bad weather--Make 8 control or piloting rolls to avoid damage to the ship. Failure results in...
Something caught in the rudder--someone needs to climb down there and get it. There are dire sharks.

(you land)
A crumbling aqueduct.
Ruin of an old castle.
Hill -- you can see 8 miles in every direction...
A vast dry sea, now a plain composed of fused fish bones, in the middle the source of this death
The Temple of the Bitter God (surrounded by mist)
A snake infested temple of an obscure faith based on the worship of burn victims
At first, the PCs will see eight towers. Each has about 4 defenders visible (there are actually 32 defenders total) and about 1 will arrive per round in the case of an alarm. Most of these devildwarves are cloned and are mounted on panthers. The outer walls are 12 feet tall and the towers extend 5 feet above them.
*Due to the condition of the walls, climb checks are at minus four.
*The lowest windows are 9 feet up.
*The initial volley from the towers in case of an unexpected attack will be crossbow fire. The second volley in case of a siege, an anticipated attack, or a small but persistent raiding party (like a bunch of PCs) will consist of flaming arrows or bolts.
*Additional security measures include:
A moat 100 feet across and a 48 foot curving causeway across it. A gatehouse with inner portcullises that cut off the gatehouse at both ends. A winding staircase 80 feet long in front of the front gate. A series of secondary walls--25 feet tall. There are 7 inner towers.

*Also:
This is a desolate area. The garrison is low on supplies. May trade or run outta arrows
It is ruled by two wizards...
The Butcher of Brides
male wizard (-Lvl 10-) Str: 11 Dex: 11 Int: 12 Wis: 9 Con: 10 Cha: 3
(Charisma 3? Wow. No wonder he lives in a lonely temple surrounded by devildwarves.)
Ferret. He has a ferret. Satine's dead PCs ferret(?).
The Numinous Conqueror of the Labyrinth
male mage (-Lvl 13-) Str: 12 Dex: 9 Int: 14 Wis: 9 Con: 10 Cha: 6
plays war games using miniaturized diseases
Their spell pool includes:
-New And Disturbing Limb, Otto's Irresistible Dance, Yoink! (one object transferred from target to caster)
Inside is The Blind Chamber, a maze:
Exits (clockwise from North) First exit: Accidentally/organically "trapped"--the architecture falls apart in a dangerous way when you attempt to open this door. Because recent fighting in the complex has fucked it up. Second exit:Doorless archway.

Inside: a cyclops and also: a scythe
and:
Annoying Knox Harrington-esque visitor (female sage) who just happens to be there when intruders show up (if they came in via b&e then assume the visitor's unconscious on the sofa or something) and who assumes the PCs are friends, family or employees of the homeowner and generally behaves like a hilarious rube to the best of the DMs ability.
Treasure:
a narwhal horn smoking pipe
a copper armband, inlaid with medium scorpion chitin.

This adventure courtesy of these Abulafia tables:

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Now That's A Monster Entry

They are called MONKEYS (Simia) in the latin lan-
guage because people notice a great similitude to human
reason in them. Wise in the lore of the elements, these
creatures grow merry at the time of the new moon. At
half and full moon they are depressed. Such is the nature
of a monkey that, when she gives birth to twins, she
esteems one of them highly but scorns the other. Hence,
if it ever happens that she gets chased by a sportsman
she clasps the one she likes in her arms in front of her,
and carries the one she detests with its arms round her
neck, pickaback. But for this very reason, when she is
exhausted by running on her hind legs, she has to throw
away the one she loves, and carries the one she hates,
willy-nilly.

A monkey has no tail (cauda). The Devil resembles
these beasts; for he has a head, but no scripture (caudex).

Admitting that the whole of a monkey is disgraceful,
yet their bottoms really are excessively disgraceful
and horrible. In the same way, the Devil had a founda-
tion when he was among the angels of heaven, but he was
hypocritical and cunning inside himself, and so he lost
his cauda-caudex as a sign that all of him would perish
in the end. As the Apostle says: 'Whom the Lord Jesus
Christ will kill with the breath of his mouth'.

'Simia' is a Greek word, meaning 'with squashed
nostrils'. Hence we call monkeys this, because they have
turned-up noses and a hideous countenance, with wrinkles
lewdly puffing like bellows. It is also said to be a charac-
teristic of goats to have a turned-up nose.

Cercopitheci1 do have tails. These are the only ones
to be discreet, among those previously mentioned.

Cynocephali2 are also numbered among monkeys.
They are very common in Ethiopia. They are violent in
leaping and fierce in biting. They never get tame enough
not to be rather ferocious.

Sphinxes' also are reckoned as monkeys. They are
shaggy, defenceless, and docilely ready to forget their
wild freedom.

1 Aidrovandus says that the English is 'marmuset'.

2 The Baboon, the dog-headed ape, possibly the Egyptian god Anubis.
According to Gesner, the sphinx is a real monkey, and the Sphinx of art,
woman in front and lion behind, is merely an imaginary representation of
it made by painters and sculptors. Perhaps he is not so wrong in this as he seems.

At any rate, the Guinea Baboon is called a sphinx to this day.

A note on fabulous animals will be found in the Appendix.

From Bestiary: A Book of Beasts by T.H. White

Well worth it and all on-line here courtesy of the University of Wisconsin.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Appendix S

S is for "short attention span".

If you need to explain quickly what playing D&D is like to a clueless party, then I have found some entirely perfect links:

Adventure Time Episode 18 "Dungeon" (hit "continue as free user" after a few seconds)
A boy and his talking dog go into a dangerhole in order to overcome a self-imposed challenge and are aided by a very impatient pink-haired princess.

The parallels with my own game and existence are terrifying.

There is almost nothing in this that is not exactly like D&D.

This is what everything else about D&D, besides playing D&D, is like.



Bonus utility: Next time some smarthole asks you what brand of Fantasy Adventure Literature exactly is D&D meant to be simulating send them right here.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Split-Column Assignment Generator

Dear Exploring Infinity,
I have no idea how I found your blog, or this nifty situation generator that you made for Firefly. I also don't know anything about Firefly other than that it happens in space and has something to do with that Buffy guy people like.

Anyway, since it seemed pretty much useful for any game, I reformatted your table in split-column format. That way, if you have to roll a new situation fast (as you often do in sandbox D&D) you can roll once and read across, or, if you have a few more seconds, re-roll again for any result you don't like. I don't know if this kind of speedy flexible table is useful in the kind of games you play (we have no followed blogs in common and your categories are all games I don't run) but it is for me, so thanks! Your table is appreciated and has been added to the archive.

Rock.

Monday, January 2, 2012

An Embarrassment of Impressive (& More Pie Charts)

Finally finished reading all the way through Secret Santicore and I have to re-say: it is very good. Like I can't think of the last time I saw anything published (for money or otherwise) that had this much stuff that was actually going straight into my game immediately.

People keep asking for The Complete _________(something other than a city)_____ Kit? Well a lot of what would go into a thing like that is right in this obscure little pdf. (And it's nice to see many of the Hack Vornheim Contest winning DMs continuing to come up with creative stuff here.)


The little details really make a huge difference here: like Jeremy Duncan's Vat Spawn character class? Ho hum more mutants, yeah yeah, weird weird--but he tells you they are immortal and their whole personality and skillset 're-boot' every 100 years. That explains so much and suggests so many possibilities. Plus the actual mutations and weirdnesses he gives them seem actually thought-out and playable rather than just the typical Dragon Magazine grab-bag of abilities-inspired-by-the-last-movie-I-saw.

Anyway, highly recommended. Again.


Also worth a look: Zombiesmith Miniatures appears to be producing some intriguingly Cobalt 60-ish miniatures, from what I can tell from their extremely poorly-organized site. (No offense, so far as I can tell, all miniatures sites ever are extremely poorly organized. Whats up with that?)
Aaaaand here are some entirely unrelated infographics regarding the girls' race and class choices over the course of all sessions. I have limited the info to only PCs in games I GMed in order to avoid filling my head with even more useless data and maybe accidentally crowding out things like what month it is and what city I am in.

Friday, December 30, 2011

The Best D&D-able Comic Books According To Me


Slaine
Simon Bisley is to Warhammer what Frank Frazetta is to D&D. Or Warhammer is to D&D as Simon Bisley is to Frank Frazetta. Anyway, when he wasn't drawing insane Doom Patrol covers that bend all minds, Bisley did this totally metal barbarian comic and you should buy it.



Ironwolf
I was surprised to hear Keith Baker hadn't seen this steampunk-before-steampunk tale of sabres, swashbuckling, wooden starships, vampires, werewolves, aristocrats, honor, snottiness, cynicism and intrigue before inventing Eberron. When I showed him his eyes just about rolled back in his head.

Howard Chaykin's self-pencilled 70s original is mainly remarkable for the make-Barbarella-weep astrofabulousness of the female character designs and the later, Mike Mignola pencilled Ironwolf: Fires of the Revolution is remarkable because fuck yeah Mike Mignola.


Hellboy
Speaking of Mike Mignola. If you are interested in Hellboy but have never checked out the comics and don't know where to start, I'd start off with The Chained Coffin and Others then, if you're hooked, buy all the others with Mignola art and read them in order. If you're still hooked, the Ryan Sook and Duncan Fegredo ones are an acceptable methadone, though the fact that both artists are both so good when they aren't being hired to draw just like Mike Mignola makes their work there somehow coverbandish in a slightly depressing way.

Some notes here: Mignola's Fafhrd & Grey Mouser adaptation sounds like it can't lose, but the lack of true Leiber prose plus Mignola's inability to overcome the perennial challenge of doing medieval scenes using the traditional comic book coloring process makes this about 25% less sweet than it should be. For things in the same fantastic vein that work out a little better, see the Lovecrafty "Sanctum" story in Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight and Doctor Strange/Doctor Doom: Triumph and Torment.



Blood: A Tale
Kent Williams paints some excellent stream-of-consciousness gobbledegook vampire stuff with swords and snakes and trees and dreams and more unerotic nudty than I have ever seen outside a wrestling ring. 4-issues, easily acquired in one bit.



Elektra Lives Again
Why is this Frank Miller drawn/ Lynn Varley painted modern ninja book listed here?

1-It is criminally under-appreciated and with Frank Miller's reputation sinking every time he opens his mouth, its star will probably only dip lower in years to come, and

2-It has the best medieval-weapon slugfest scene ever in a comic book.


Cerebus
Oh, Cerebus... For those who don't know, Cerebus is 300 black-and-white issues of an Aardvark acting like Conan and a comic book creator going from making fun of Conan to being sublimely inspired to succumbing to a particularly uncharming, pleonastic, and misogynistic brand of insanity. Dave Sim gets very good at drawing shadows and aardvarks, though his people are a little rubbery (though these days a lot of people like that kind of thing, so whatever).

The rundown for the unitiated:
The cheapest preview is a single issue called Cerebus #0. If you like it, buy more:
First book: Cerebus: the "funny-animal" original stories--they read like unusually ambitious Dragonmirth strips but are maybe essential to understanding the more serious stuff that follows.
High society--the first intimations of awesomeness.
Church and State and Jakas Story--What the legend is built on. This is the goods right here. Wintry weird politics, slapstick, isolation, and eccentric worldbuilding.
Melmoth--expendable divagation into an Oscar Wilde obsession.
Flight, Women, Reads, Minds--Good, interesting, maybe great, but the rot is clearly approaching and the misogyny first appears I think in Reads. (
Cerebus is rather like the Star Wars question: everyone agrees Empire is the best and that at some point the franchise became terrible--nobody agrees about what point that is.)
Guys--Not as terrible as it is about to get, but clearly now just an old hippie telling jokes about bars.
From then on: total mind rot in progress. Very sad.




Moebius
For English readers, the best starting place is the Epic/Graphitti collected edition #2--Arzach and Other Fantasy Stories. If you like that trip into his frenchy, pterodactyl-laden greenskinned dreamland then you''ll probably like the sci-fi stories in volume 3 Airtight Garage and volume 4 Long Tomorrow. His style has wandered quite a bit over the course of his career: dreamy greens, lumpy cowboys, unhatched New Age-isms, spirally psychedelic erotica, bog-standard balloon-nose French slapstick, so preview anything before spending too much money on it. This might help.


Little Nemo
The earlier full-color strips are a jaw-dropping mix of Ringling-Bros fire-engine-colored Americana, opiated surrealism and art nouveau elegance. There is so much to admire that ignoring the black character in Sambo-makeup and pointlessly meandering plotlines is pretty easy. Last I knew, a complete edition hidden behind an incredibly ugly and unrepresentative maroon-colored hardcover was still available.



Legion of Super-Heroes Vol 4 #5
Oh, it's a long story. But basically a crazy wizard manages to fuck up history so that magic defeats technology up until even the 30th century. So this single issue is the Medievalized versions of the superheroes trying to get their timeline back. Keith Giffen manages to do what Mike Mignola couldn't and creates the most convincingly Lankhmarish visuals in comics history.

Some people thought Keith Giffen's run on Legion was too dark, too dense, too complex, and too hard to understand. These people are all child molesters. There is nothing like it in the history of comic book storytelling and if we had to lose a few illiterate waterheads off the fanbase in order to see it, then those are the risks of the culture business.

Many more people have never even heard of Giffen's run on Legion of Super-Heroes because nobody fucking reads Legion of Super-Heroes. I envy these people because they can go buy back-issues of the first few years of Legion Volume 4 and be extremely surprised and confused and engrossed and happy for a few days in a way that's otherwise fairly difficult to do without taking off your clothes, leaving the house, getting fat, or paying some creep with weird facial hair for a carefully-titrated helping of something illegal.


Thor #337-#367
Walt Simonson's run on Thor is exactly what level 15+ D&D should look like: Fire demons and usurpers and lone heroes mauling legions and hordes and bad elves and sound effects that take up half a panel and galaxies on fire and visuals like Viking tracery in a pinball machine. It was worth Stan and Jack making a beardless nordic Superman ripoff with a wingy helmet and six dots on his red-caped costume just so Walt could turn it into this. Check it.

Years later, Simonson did Elric, it didn't work.


Sandman #50
Neil Gaiman's stories always work best when the artist inspires the dizzy wonder he wants you to feel and P. Craig Russel's take on Arabian-Knights-era Baghdad is as dazzling as it needs to be. Planescape fans also must read Gaiman's "Season of Mists" storyline. It is pretty much exactly where Planescape came from. Plus Kelley Jones drew it, so even if you disagree, hey, Kelley Jones.

Speaking of Kelley Jones: Batman: Red Rain is Batman + Dracula so kinda maybe you have to read that and Jones' Deadman is full of horrific-pretty-much-even-the-end-table-looks-like-a-zombie KJ visuals.

_________
There are, of course, many other comics that deal with the fantastic. Did I hear about (your favorite one here)? Bone? Red Nails? Prrrrobably. Did I like it? Probably not, otherwise it would be here in this list. But if I haven't, I'd love to check it out. Good comics are hard to come by.

Monday, December 26, 2011

And A 103 Pages Of Stuff In A Pear Treeeeeeee

The Secret Santicore pdf is finished.

42 things, over 100 pages.

On the design and organization front, Jez Gordon knocked it out of the park on this one. (Or, for Eastern Hemisphere readers: 'He scrummed it off the barbie in the ocker' or whatever you say.) Point is he went vastly above and magnificently beyond what any sane person would have done with a bunch of house rules and random things whipped up by various bloghappy DMs in response to the whims of various other bloghappy DMs.

I, for one, am more than pleased by the table of mechanical traps Andy Wise devised for me, and am eager to finish this entry such that I might peruse the rest of this vast feast.

Creatures, adventures, equipment, traps, tables, encounters, locations, even some Shadowrun, Modern, and Mutant Future stuff.

COMPLETELY FREE natch.

Courtesy of everybody who participated in Secret Santicore.

Be jolly about it.

Now, who wants to do some infinitely repeatable adventures for Groundhog, Giant Day?


Monday, December 19, 2011

The Power Of Disloyalty+Top 10 Posts of 2011

So, first:

MySpacebarIsBroken.ThatMeansItIsATremendousEffortToNot
WriteAllScrunchyLikeThis.

Second:

DIY D&D (AndAllOtherIndependentRPGPublishers) ShouldDo this.

Basically,OfferIncentives(likeFreePDFs)ToCheckOutOtherPublishers
LikeThem.

Like,SayIfYouHaveProofOfPurchaseFrom BuyingAFrogGodGames
ProductAndAnLOTFPProductYouGetAFreeGoodmanGamesProduct.

Etc.

TheNiceThingAboutThisIs:

WeAllKnowTheOnyWayToCompeteWithWalMartIsFor
IndependentsToStickTogether.

ButStickingTogetherIsAnnoyingBullshit. There'sPolitics
AndResourceProblemsAndTasteDifferencesAndAll
That. ThatIs,AfterAll,WhyTheyWentIndependent
InTheFirstPlace:TheyDon'tGetAlongWithOtherPeople.

WithIncentivesLikeThis,EverybodyIsHelpingEverybody
Else,ButWithoutHavingToActuallyWorkTogetherAnd
ThingsDon'tGoAllAltamontAllOfASudden.

ISuggestThatThePoolOfPublishersParticipating
ShouldBeRelativelyLarge,ButTheNumberOf"Proofs
OfPurchase"YouNeedToGetAFreebieBeRealtively
Small. Like:20PublishersParticipateButYouOnlyNeed
2ProofsOfPurchaseFromAny2DifferentOnesOfThem
ToGetAFreebieFromAThird.

ThisWayYouDon'tHaveToBeAnInsaneOSRJunkie
ToCollectOnThePrize.

Now,Top10PostsOnRPGBlogsThatICanRememberAbout
LikingIn2011:

one--D100 table from Scrap Princess

Token Jeff post to stand in for 60% of all Jeff posts


This worked wonders for my game and you can do it too, only $0.00!


Rolang's Bring It Series


Huge Ruined Scott knows how to keep the old reliables interesting


Small But Vicious Chris has an even rarer skill: making an on-the-face-of-it-niche-translation between 2 extremely similar systems into the first fun-to-read-rulebook-plus-commentary-on-that-rulebook in history.

Am I cheating, putting another download here? fuck it. Challenge of the Frog Idol is impressive, ladies and fellows


It's easy to lose track of how things actually get figured out and understood and new useful pieces of verbal technology get created after long discussion and lines being drawn, but it does happen once in a while. -C getting all pissed about the Quantum Ogre and sparking off other posts on it all over got some shit explained this year.

The Emiras Necklace is an impressive distillation of the wondrous persian-miniature beauty of Teleleli

Jeremy the Underdandy is a dab hand with tables.
(yes that's more than one table and thus more cheating. Fuck off with your rules.)

________
Proof of Concept:

If your comment below provides evidence that you read at least 3 of the links above, I will write a short holiday-themed couplet in your honor, absolutely free.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Anatomy Of A Good Houserule

Jeff's Carousing Mishaps table. It's a classic. Tons of people use it. Jeff has many tables on his blog--why does this one work so well for so many people?

Let's pull this bitch apart:

-It deals with something that's already in the game but isn't usually dramatized in the game. Your PCs don't have to do some new thing or behave in a different way to use this table. It's assumed that characters are always drinking and wenching when they're not punching giant rats. It's also usually assumed that the game is about when they're punching giant rats and not about when they're drinking and wenching.

-It gives the players a toy. Let's face it: DMs have a million toys to choose from. What Color Is The Slugvomit? I have a table for that... Sometimes the game's moving at a pace where you'll use it, sometimes it isn't. This table is part of a subsystem that the players get to decide to trigger--that's slightly unusual. Give the players a wheel and generally one of them will spin it.

-It's something that comes up a lot. If you run the game like Jeff does, where each session is one delve, it can potentially come up every session. If you don't, it can still come up any time the PCs end a session in a town or city.

-The subsystem is simple. It's all over in one roll. Or two. Or maybe three. Not only are the new rules in the system simple, but unlike my plot-seed version of it, it doesn't make any demands on the game that it doesn't wrap up quickly. That hangover? That just means -2 to saves the next day--it doesn't suddenly change the whole game.

-The rules don't overlap with other rules This table doesn't have to replace or displace any other system in most other games.

-It's fun to read None of the entries stop at "functional". There's always some pithy description and some subrule or result tagged onto it. This is useful on account of:
1-Nobody's gonna decide to keep a table unless they read it, and...
2-You don't have to transfer it into game terms mentally to explain it to your players--they're written in such a way that you could just read them off the table to the group if you felt like it.

-You know why you're rolling on it Unlike this equally awesome table, the Carousing Mishaps provides color but is subtly more directed: you are rolling to see what horrible thing happened when you got drunk and how it will affect your next adventure. Story color is converted into mechanics in an interesting way. There will be a result and you, the DM, know roughly the scale of that result, so you know how much "design space" to let it have in your game--and you know it will mean something to your players.

-It doesn't make you do any work. It isn't one of those "Here's some ideas, make something up" tables. It's all right there.

-They're funny but don't force your game to be You do not necessarily have to shift over to Planet Gonzo to use these rules--partially because they compartmentalize the action into one small thing that happens at the end of a game.

_____

I'm sure there are other reasons and I'm sure I'll see them in the comments. But there you go: that's one way to write some genuinely useful rules.

Now, in the words of Jeff:

"Now somebody please go and post something twelve times cooler than my chart."

Friday, December 2, 2011

Monday, November 21, 2011

Blue But Vicious Rose

"In the high fantasy quests of authors like J. R. R. Tolkien, or the larger than life swords and sorcery of Robert E. Howard, Fritz Leiber, and others, heroic loners or small groups of rebels, outcasts, or eccentrics perform great deeds and go on quests to obtain power and glory or to protect the world from some threat.

"In the mid-1980s, a generation of new fantasy authors - Diane Duane, Mercedes Lackey, Tamora Pierce, and many others - wrote fantasy novels different from any that had come before. The main characters in their novels occasionally start out as loners and outcasts, but find a place in society, generally as members of some prominent group or official organization that goes on exciting adventures to protect ordinary people from danger.

"Developing a sense of belonging and finding comrades are central features of these novels.
Most of these novels are in series, and by the end of the first book, the main character has usually found a community where he or she belongs. Many of the character’s adventures involve either becoming a more fully integrated member of this group or protecting the group from harm...in all romantic fantasy worlds, nature is a positive magical force, and anyone who protects it is on the side of good."

--Blue Rose (Introduction)

"Slaai communicate in enigmas and koans through their crystal balls (with ESP and clairaudience as standard), and can easily overwhelm your tiny monkey brain with mind blasting telepathic insights into their ancient cosmic frog perspective (save vs. death, fail = dead, pass = terror for 1d6 turns)."

--Small But Vicious Dog (Menagerie)

_____

So if you don't know, Blue Rose is a d20-derived hippie version of F.A.T.A.L.--that is, another example of the distasteful and disastrous things that happen when the "fantasy" in "Fantasy RPG" is interpreted as meaning "wish-fulfillment" rather than "invention".

(It is also just all-around baffling. Here's a suggested adventure seed--the whole thing, verbatim: "51. A daring thief steals from the wealthiest people in the city". Um...Good? How is that an adventure seed?)

Small But Vicious Dog is a hack designed to make Basic/Expert D&D emulate Warhammer Fantasy Role Play which is nowhere near as boring as it sounds. Which, well, how could it be? Hacking a third-generation D&D-derivative to match the slightly different rules of a second-generation version of D&D may not sound like a terribly ambitious way to spend a weekend but Chris Hogan rips into his task with terrifying verve.

SBVD is a rules hack, sure, but more than that it's a creepily well-written running essay on all the differences between D&D and its transatlantic counterpart (in micro) and the grimdarkbrutalLOLweird take on fantasy vs. TSR's more catholic let's-just-make-this-game-about-anything-less-boring-than-the-midwest take on the middle ages RP.

_________

Anyway the point is--obviouslyDuh--Blue Rose and Small But Vicious Dog need to be one setting.

For sure.

The DIY D&D Google Plus Brain Trust has been consulted:
(names obliterated to protect the abominationists involved)

"Thought for the day: Blue But Vicious Rose."

"Romantic fantasy with chaos attributes or Mercedes Lackey for cuckolding fetishists: You Can Have Both."

"We accept all philosophies in The Magical Kingdom of Chaoldea (*..sparkle sparkle..*)"

"Elsewhere, my zebra skin and long nose were shunned but now I finally fit in (weeping, hugs pegasus with oozing wounds)"
+1

"Now I'm picturing the magic deer walking upright on scaly ostrich legs, dispensing wisdom from a tiny, parasitic faun that lives in its chest like the little guy in Total Recall."
+2
__________

Tell me that would not be awesome: not just your typical "something's not quite right in Stepford Camelot" set-up, but one where just every citizen is oblivious to the fact that all the symbols are always pointing in the wrong direction.

There's like an eight-gulleted Negaboar vomiting on children in the streets and ripping their ears off and wearing them like legwarmers and everyones' just like "He's just expressing himself!" The kingdom's main export is tediously optimistic NPCs found in random oubliettes. "Oh I'm so glad you found me! I've always believed the human spirit was powerful enough to triumph over any adversity!"

Do the Chaoldeans have secret plans to spread their utter lack of prejudice and imagination across the entire continent or is it just a very disturbing place to go buy a unicorn-hoof talisman? Hey, you're the DM, it's up to you.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Occupy Abulafia

So here's an adventure:

The Forsaken Keep

The dungeon was originally a vast city of snake-people but has been forgotten by most civilized races for eons. It was rediscovered due to the recent death of the medusa responsible for the statues from which the surrounding stone was quarried. Near the North entrance, a werejaguar of unusual intelligence suspects it may contain a female druid (-Lvl 5-) named Nixie Gott, possessor of an important book & rumored to possess a whetstone of unusual properties--one of particular interest--and so has dispatched hyena-like humanoids into the complex. They communicate via burning things.

Meanwhile, a group of tiny hyena-like humanoids who entered through a secret door to the North suspects it may contain a jade that they value. Their leader is said to be strangely cloned and is also a hulking bruiser with dangerous pets--a swarm of bats that appear to obey his/her every whim. They roams the halls looking for sustenance. They're also far faster than the typical members of their species. This group uses a powerful but barely-mobile psionic medium to spy on the other group of intruders.

(In recent weeks, the two factions have begun to notice each other in the halls.)

Unbeknownst to either side, a giant mantis--a superevolved, hyperintelligent, one--lives deep within, inside a network of tunnels leading eventually to a crown which it prizes beyond all things.

It has constructed traps around its lair--for example, magical sensors connected up to rotary saw blades --but also four stranger traps, informed by its bizarre alien intelligence, which cause intruders to be destroyed by their own depravity. It can avoid the traps easily because of its unique abilities.

The other factions have made about four traps each as well, but they are cruder, since they've been recently and hastily thrown together.

In addition, there are many hazards that are the legacy of the dungeon's original inhabitants. No-one has yet discovered the secret passage within the garbage pile on the fourth level.

Due to the subtle influence of a magic egg (below the fireplace on level two) with a powerful curse on it, nearly all of the inhabitants have become increasingly delusional and some have gained additional bizarre physical and mental deformities. Some have become obsessed with earthquakes for reasons unknown.

Perhaps the most disturbing room in the dungeon is the so-called "panic chamber" which the intelligent creatures in the dungeon fear above all else. However, beyond it there is a male author who hails from the homeland of one of your PCs and may aid him/her, though s/he covets the PCs' (whatever they have that's unusual) and is repulsed by the sight of every stairway s/he sees in the dungeon (sheesh, artists are so sensitive).

The dungeon's architecture resembles an overgrown prison, however every mirror in it is made of electrum and obsidian.

In addition to these things, it is said by some that, hidden deep within the complex, where no mortal has been in eons is the Crown of The Long Cold and a last enclave of Ancient Men, sleeping in suspended animation for thousands of years, ready to be awakened.
__________

Sick of dungeons? Here's another adventure...

The Emerald Canyon

The PCs have heard that if they safely transport--A female warrior (-Lvl 7-) (named Galiana)--soon to be wed to a powerful saboteur & rumored to be the lover of a powerful jester--they will become rich. The bride-to-be must be moved from an inn: The Mug and King, (famous for its bacon-wrapped halibut) to a brutal temple of a primordial faith based on the worship of a god associated with daggers.

The perilous road will take our heroes through the site of an ancient battle where a group of chain-wielding jackal-headed warriors headquartered in a monastery rule. They are slaves of a bioengineered upper caste lead by one called The Lord of Despair.

The vast battleground also includes a treant fed on the blood of the ancient dead and a man-headed centipede.
_____________________

Anyway as you maybe figured out I've been fucking around with Abulafia some more.

This post's purpose is threefold:

1-to tell you it's neat

2-to recommend you make some generators or add some depth or content to existing ones,

3-to be like 'I smear liquid plastic on paper and put my dick in people for money and even I figured out how to do this so it can't be that hard'

Here are the generators I've made so far and some things you could do to/with them:

Dungeon Overview: This is probably the slickest and most complete. And, for me at least, it produces stuff pretty useful right outta the box. If I was you and I liked dungeons, I'd clone it and modify it into a version that fit the kind of stuff in your world.

Fantasy Assignment:
This is like rumors and jobs basically. It's very uneven. It basically goes Verb Objective Location. The objectives are fairly decent since Abulafia already had a huge library of objects and monsters and NPCs to draw on and the verbs are ok but hardly cover every possible assignment or kind of assignment yet. The locations are the most uneven part--they come from...

...this Fantasy Adventure Location generator: there are like 50 kinds of locations, some with lots of detail for the DM (like the fortresses), some with a little--like the cities--"a cosmopolitan city, known for its ancient ruling caste as well as its monstrous buildings", some have none "a mountain". This is a place where I feel like people could really help out--What are some things you'd put in a swamp? A temple? A desert?

Today At Sea
As described before, it's a slightly modified version of the wavecrawl kit from this blog. It's pretty good, thinks me. But more options would never go amiss--particularly for the sea creatures subtable.

Random Humanoid Horde
Pretty decent version of the one from this blog. Includes options for the basic races (goblin, gnoll etc.) plus a less likely option for (random animal)man.

Fortress Generator
From this blog: does its job, I think.

Hex Map Key
Generates 100 hexes at once. Most are dull on purpose. It's perfectly functional for a lot of things (cut it, paste it, give it numbers matching your hexgrid) but you could easily add more detail at every level if you were so inclined. Also: there are no climate-specific versions of it and the monsters are as yet totally random rather than segregated to make sense (Encounter: a pack of hyenas (two, actually) killing a swarm of bats). In addition, many of the possible locations from the other tables (mansion, etc.) are not integrated into this table.

Dungeon Room
Ok as a springboard but could use some work: generates 2-5 exits, a room type (mess hall, stable, etc.), an encounter (possibilities: trap, monster, trap+monster, 2 monsters interacting) and the possibility of one other random object ("a grape""a sword").

Every room has an encounter of some kind--unlike the hex generator this is just meant to generate a room that's interesting, not a whole map full of exciting and boring rooms.

This could be improved in a lotta ways if one was so inclined. The monsters, again, are spectacularly random (" a mold (actually several) chasing a quaggoth").

Creepy Fantasy Villain
Generates 10 results which sound like the kind of "spooky occult phrases" the FBI's COINTELPRO used to include in anonymous letters to Alan Ginsberg and Bob Dylan-- of which about 8 are generally dumb ("The Huntsman of The Wolves " "The Knight of The Infinite Night ") and 2 are awesome ("The Merchant of Failure" "The Oracle of One Thousand Lunacies "). Not terribly complex at this point but probably not a priority.

Arabian Nights-Ish Scenario Generator
A less complicated prototype of the Fantasy Assignment one I made for Mandy's Al Qadim game. If you're inclined to tinker with this, its main virtue is it draws on abulafia's pretty decent middle-eastern-setting occupation generator.

These are more like utility generators, mostly just providing sub-libraries for other generators to draw on:

Exotic Landscape:
Cut and pasted straight from this blog ('Cobalt Reach'). Very simple. Could use more options.

Fantasy Mansion Domestic Security Generator Cut and pasted straight from this blog. Very simple. Could use more options.

Fantasy NPC (Basic) Race, job, gender. This one's pretty thorough, though it'd also be a good place to start if you wanted to make a new version of the generator weighted toward fighting or adventurign NPCs. Right now there as likely to be a barkeep as an archer.

Fantasy Person Of Interest
A simple, described NPC (race, job, gender) with one or two random things about them. If you want to fuck with this one you could add a few more options for the kinds of details. Like there's no option for, say "Wants to be ruler of ____" or "Despises ____" etc.

Fantasy Town (Simpler)
this is just a stripped-down version of one that was already on Abulafia. It provided a little too many unconnected details for my taste.

Weird Fantasy Monster
this includes every monster I personally would wanna use (including, now, all the monsters in the Folio, since I did all those posts dedicated to making those monsters usable to me). There are several other bestiaries on abulafia you could use instead if you want a more general list. Or make your own by cutting and pasting from mine and theirs and any other list you have.

Also there are no monster-by-environment tables yet. Could be very useful.

I also added a ".Weirdsymbol" directory to the "animal" generator which includes all the real-life animals I could think of that were creepy or vicious or symbolic. i.e. no squirrels, but it's got maggots and squids and lions and tigers.

Also of interest:

The Traps generator is ok, but could use a lot more options if you were so inclined and there's no way to generate a specific kind of trap only (magic, rustic, etc.) . Since it can be used to feed so many other generators it'd be neat to add more options, like "touching (randomobject) opens bars freeing (randommonster)" etc.

_________

Tips to make new thingies:

I don't know how you're supposed to make a new table, but I just do a search like "Mermaid Tail Types" then it tells me there aren't any tables named that but I can make one if I want and there's a link and I hit it. then I hit "Edit"...

A bunch of crap goes at the top which I can't type here because blogger automatically turns it into format code but you can swipe the stuff you need from an existing generator--just set "iterations" to "1" if you're new at this.

Then type...

;main
1,[Thenyouwritethenameofatablehere]
_____________
Then you write a word in those brackets that describes your table--Tailtypes or whatever.

then you go below and go:

;Tailtypes
1,Big
1,Scary
1,Funny
1,Hilarious
1,Gigantic
_______

Then write a bunch of crap at the bottom of the table after a break you can swipe from another table...

...and then you're done. You can make it more complicated in lots of ways but if you take a look at some pre-existing tables you can probably figure out how it's done. If you want your table to draw on an existing one you put [Fantasy NPC (Basic).Main] for example in there. If you want to draw on a subtable of one of the existing tables you'd do like [ Fantasy NPC (Basic).Classes] and it should work. Be aware that hitting "enter" to make a new paragraph int he output doesn't work and just ends the thingy--you have to put in line break code--"
".

Here's what a finished one looks like:

(some code)

;main
1,[Gender] [Race] [Job]

;Gender
1,male
1,female

;Race
60, there's nothing here because this result is just "implied human"
10,elven
5,dwarven
5,halfling
5,half-orc
5,half-elf
1,possibly doppelganger
1,possibly not-entirely human
the numbers aren't all 1's because I've weighted this table

;Job
1,metalsmith
1,milliner
1,silversmith
1,tanner
1,tinsmith
1,trapsmith
1,weaponsmith
1,architect
1,artisan
1,bricklayer
1,carpenter
1,cartwright
(etc.)
(some more code)

That'd produce a thing saying "Male cartwright" or "Female elven cartwright". If you want it to spit out lots of results you make the "iterations" number higher.

______

If you make anything, let us know here in the comments....

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Attempt To List & Employ All The Random Tables I Like

Random tables I use (New ones will be added to this post as they come up. ).

-This guy does a new d12 table every day, I'm not going to list them all but I am going to call him awesome
-Random busted goblin machine
-Assignment Generator
-Secret Santicore (incl. mutations, secret doors, traps, bandits, merchants, etc.)
-Dead humanoid's pockets
-Weird city encounters
-Creepy witch spells
-Dungeon origins
-Bizarre urban locations
-Wizard obsessions
-10 potions
-Potion mishaps
-Men at arms
-d30 Scrap Princess Mutations
-100 More of those
-Random islands
-Hex dressing
-Random Castle Shenanigans
-What are the wandering monsters up to?
-What are the goblins up to?
-Carcosa situations
-Magic Candles
-Magic Ropes
-Peddlers of the Deep Dark
-Chaos Patrons
-Creepy combat commentary
-Dungeon Motivation
-The D30 tables
-There are several we gave Gary Gygax for his birthday
-Elf village traits
-Original Warhammer Realms of Chaos Mutation Table
-Hack Vornheim Contest Winners: including Random Tavern Entertainment, What's in That Grave, Random Criminals , Rival Adventuring Parties, Creepy Idol, The Theater Amphisbaena and Rural Inn Tavern
-The Too-Many-Too-List-Here Fruits of My Own Unfortunate Addiction Now Handily Grouped Under One Tag
-C's awesome Tricks, Empty Rooms and Basic Trap Design
-100 Reasons PCs are together
-Mutant Future Gear
-Random level 1 gear
New:
-Random nonmagic scrolls
-Telecanter's 20 Random potions w/identifying details
______
So my PCs are sailing south toward the Goblin Empire. I am going to try to use as many of the random tables here as I can to figure out what will happen once they arrive there.

What I actually roll for my PCs next session will be in white so they don't espy upon it. Highlight it to see what I'm planning...

-Random islands
This'll be..roll roll...on an island with an old mine. I hate mines (in games--in real life I knew miners so I got to play in them as a kid and actually loved them. Whole other story.). But hey:
-gotta start somewhere, and
-it is, I'm told, dark as a dungeon down in the mine. Which is a start.

-Hex dressing
...in an area marked by a boulder with a face carved or naturally in it.


-Random Castle Shenanigans
...the castle has a strong ally--another house? a creature? wizard?
More to the point: there's a castle.

-What are the wandering monsters up to?
When the PCs arrive, monsters are returning to their lair with treasure

-What are the goblins up to?
This is the Goblin Empire after all...they arrrrre...
"Playing tenpins with a skull and some legbones."
So: oblivious to the goings-on of the wandering monsters.

-Carcosa situations
"At least half of the village is ill to some degree or another. Rumours abound that someone has been poisoning the well." This would be the goblins worrying.
-Magic Candles
Glory Glow (30'R, 4 turns)- each of these candles is tied to an alignment. All within the radius of the candle light of the same alignment are +2 to saving throws and attack rolls.

This treasure will show up. I'm gonna say allegiance to the same cause or god since I don't use alignment...

-Magic Ropes
More treasure:
"Weightless Rope: this rope simply has no weight of note (1 coins worth), a man could manage 500 feet of it before the volume of the rope becomes too unwieldy."

-Peddlers of the Deep Dark
This guy's down in the mine...oh a pair of peddlers: gnome(reroll fuck that) human (what are humans doing here?). The haulers of the stuff are albino cave-bronts, they have a magic candle (oh, that's where that came from) and glow grubs

-Chaos Patrons

This'll be for the owner of the castle. And the patron is the powerful ally...
follows Mabelode the Faceless (ah, thus the disturbing faceless face carved into the rock), Chaos gift: "Rise, my servant!" - The next time the character is reduced to 10% of his hit point total, all his hit points are immediately restored. Albino -4 con. Ok, so we have to figure out a way this isn't Elric.

-Creepy combat commentary
During combat this chaos-worshipping albino is....
A self-cheerleader: says "you can do it, there a lot of them but your poison will take care of that" and things like that. "Worry not, The Lord Who Has No Face will smite them all in the end!"

-Dungeon Motivation
"Family member of PC afflicted with disease that can only be cured with the waters from a sacred subterranean spring."
Which makes sense, as the PCs are delivering a family member to the goblins.

-The D30 tables...
This is from the city events table:
"The army/navy needs soldiers/sailors. Pressed into short term duty." Basically: the goblins are assaulting the chaos-worshipping albino. They need help.

-There are several we gave Gary Gygax for his birthday

This is one for finding the origin of wizards...
Created using fire and the bodies of d20 children who were sacrificed explicitly for the purpose. Found magic item of clothing via sheer luck.

And one for elementals, so the villain has a pal...
oversized ice/water elemental--intelligent and curious

-Elf village traits
Assume goblin civilization is built on the ruins of an elf civilization:
"Bomb shelter type bunker, actual village destroyed by orcs forty or fifty years ago, new village blueprint still under review by planning committee"

In the mean time, goblins moved in. The albino elf came above ground (from the mine) and instead of telling the other elves their home had been stolen, just established some kinda Chaos-worshipping tyranny over the goblins.

-Original Warhammer Realms of Chaos Mutation Table

Half brain-leaf plant. Ok a brain-leaf plant is a plant that makes you a zombie. In D&D that ecological niche is filled by the Yellow Musk Creeper zombie, and here in my campaign it is filled by the Violet Leopard Orchid Zombie. Which explains why our albino elf abandoned his or her fellows: s/he's half zombie creeping vine monster and probably turned them all into orchid zombies by now.

Now according to the table above they are returning to their lair with treasure. What treasure?

-Hack Vornheim Contest Winners: including Random Tavern Entertainment, What's in That Grave, Random Criminals , Rival Adventuring Parties, Creepy Idol, The Theater Amphisbaena and Rural Inn Tavern

So, in the plague-blighted goblin town beneath Faceless Rock...

A bard troupe retells PCs previous exploits, in...

The inn of the Yellow Dog (not "Hound"--I renamed it after a German grindcore label). The food is amazingly good, due to the fact that the cook is a captured fae creature. It will plead for rescue (removal of iron horseshoe over kitchen door) through messages in marbled fat on meat, steam rising from stew, etc.

PCs (especially Elves/Magic Users) are attacked by vicious bedbugs in their sleep. These will inflict 1 damage every third round, ignoring armor & clothing. Observant PCs will note a trail of them leading to the innkeeper’s room. If they force the door, they will discover the innkeeper lying in bed, his eyes glazed over, a stream of bedbugs scuttling in & out of his mouth.

A group of travelling players are putting on a performance in the village square, costumed as the PCs. They are performing an episode from their adventures, though misrepresented. If the deed was noble and valorous, it is depicted as treacherous , cowardly, and bloodthirsty, and vice-versa.

(This makes sense, the PCs fended some goblin pirates on the way here, no doubt the pirates have been sailing home claiming to have been attacked by hideous human witches.)

We have, Tuan The Forsaken whose brain's in a glass case, who is an extorter.

(His racket today is actually more just blackmail: he knows who the PCs are and will tell the fellow goblins if they don't pay up.)

A coffin is filled with blood and puss. Spills out onto players and starts to burn. (ummm...chaos magic, I guess)

There is a competing adventuring party in the form of: The Progeny of Lorbis Vul. Core members consist of 4-6 vat-grown male and female humanoids, with skin dyed in a range of colors from sky blue to Vermillion, and marked on their foreheads with a seemingly random number from III – XXV. They are physically perfect, athletic specimens except for one glaring, disturbing flaw on their respective arms. Not readily apparent. They are seeking the whereabouts of Lorbis Vul, a notorious sorcerer. For now, they pay their way by adventuring. in possession of an enchanted object or talisman, not readily apparent as such.

Other events in the Yellow Dog:
Satireveritas escapes.
Satirevertias is "a giant amphisbaena greets guests from a gilded cage, twin heads bantering suavely sibilant evil with a voice like wasp stings in honey. Their palindromic name is Satireveritas and they adore gossip and scandal – learning it, spreading it, instigating it. The serpent’s other priorities are general mischief and the seduction of beautiful women. Its not unpleasant musk pervades the room."
Daytime: auditions (for future goblin entertainments)
Nightime: "The Wise Man’s Journey To Hell"
Random NPC there: Mullen Poag, Stagehand/Roustabout
Agent of rival theatre here to spy and sabotage. (Of course PCs will think he's an agent of The Faceless Lord.)

Creepy idol (worshipped by our villain): limbless female torso w/severed phalluses giving birth to monsters. it gives birth to monsters once every 20 days, contains evil genie 2 wishes remain.

-The Too-Many-Too-List-Here Fruits of My Own Unfortunate Addiction Now Handily Grouped Under One Tag

Also:

d4 Othuagg baboons (drugged, dyed, crazed babboons used as shock troops by goblins) (+1d6 goblins) eating tiger fly scouts

Intercepted letter: To my most clever and unfortunate friend, Lord Vortullak of Spine, I send greetings from both myself and from your hilarious mother. This past season has been no doubt, a black joke perpetrated on this family by the omnipotent author of all things. I trust you received the map I sent earlier, for otherwise you would be entirely unable to read the words I now set down. Though I am indeed made weary by the strain of maintaining this deception, I see the necessity in it, as, I am certain, do you. You must destroy the four lunatics in Orgus Waarg. To do otherwise is to risk what little you have left. Your most humble servant, Natasha

P.S. Before this is over, I will have what's rightfully mine, no matter what you've been told.

(Question: is the villain this "Natasha" or is it "Lord Vortullak"? Let's assume the lunatics are the PCs and Orgus Waarg is the name of the town. This means Lord Vortullak is the villain and this mysterious Natasha is either off-screen or the name of the limbless idol he worships.)

No security measure per se, but the only valuables in the house appear to be in the bedroom along with a young and attractive NPC who's tied up and gagged. Sophisticated PCs may realize that s/he's not necessarily a prisoner.

(um..ok, Zak, whatever you say)

Villain characteristics: Aura of silence, Murders mice and eats them.

Ok, so Lord Vortullak sits there eating mice all day. And he--and all his orchid zombies--project an aura of silence. I really like that--the pale undead straggle forward and crack your bones and eat your brains all without making a sound. That's obviously how leopard orchid zombies work I guess.

Hex describing table tells me:
Weird landscape, damaged city, intelligent monsters, light rain, humans want help from PCs, anarchy, goblins, they speak in iambic triameter. "When I insult the king, The frogs erupt in song"

Random treasure: Level 8 spell scroll (Drunk reversal--no save). Small carved figurine or chess piece of one of the PCs, precise in every detail, 25-28mm tall. Purpose unknown. Actually the figurine is a spell scroll and it is the artifact the rival adventuring party carries.

A corpse:
Major local importer. Trade is all screwy until the power struggle to replace him/her is over--everything costs 3 times as much locally. (this is the blood and pus filled coffin. Obviously this death was not natural.)

An npc:
helpful frightened likes fried food --an herbalist. Probably the sneaky stage hand spy.

So, altogether: sick goblin village and PC's relative, plagued by silent undead revenge elves and chaos magic sent by a mouse-eating albino elf villain while beneath the faceless rock a tavern below boils over with escaped snakes and friendly spies.