Saturday, December 10, 2011

Anatomy Of A Good Houserule

Jeff's Carousing Mishaps table. It's a classic. Tons of people use it. Jeff has many tables on his blog--why does this one work so well for so many people?

Let's pull this bitch apart:

-It deals with something that's already in the game but isn't usually dramatized in the game. Your PCs don't have to do some new thing or behave in a different way to use this table. It's assumed that characters are always drinking and wenching when they're not punching giant rats. It's also usually assumed that the game is about when they're punching giant rats and not about when they're drinking and wenching.

-It gives the players a toy. Let's face it: DMs have a million toys to choose from. What Color Is The Slugvomit? I have a table for that... Sometimes the game's moving at a pace where you'll use it, sometimes it isn't. This table is part of a subsystem that the players get to decide to trigger--that's slightly unusual. Give the players a wheel and generally one of them will spin it.

-It's something that comes up a lot. If you run the game like Jeff does, where each session is one delve, it can potentially come up every session. If you don't, it can still come up any time the PCs end a session in a town or city.

-The subsystem is simple. It's all over in one roll. Or two. Or maybe three. Not only are the new rules in the system simple, but unlike my plot-seed version of it, it doesn't make any demands on the game that it doesn't wrap up quickly. That hangover? That just means -2 to saves the next day--it doesn't suddenly change the whole game.

-The rules don't overlap with other rules This table doesn't have to replace or displace any other system in most other games.

-It's fun to read None of the entries stop at "functional". There's always some pithy description and some subrule or result tagged onto it. This is useful on account of:
1-Nobody's gonna decide to keep a table unless they read it, and...
2-You don't have to transfer it into game terms mentally to explain it to your players--they're written in such a way that you could just read them off the table to the group if you felt like it.

-You know why you're rolling on it Unlike this equally awesome table, the Carousing Mishaps provides color but is subtly more directed: you are rolling to see what horrible thing happened when you got drunk and how it will affect your next adventure. Story color is converted into mechanics in an interesting way. There will be a result and you, the DM, know roughly the scale of that result, so you know how much "design space" to let it have in your game--and you know it will mean something to your players.

-It doesn't make you do any work. It isn't one of those "Here's some ideas, make something up" tables. It's all right there.

-They're funny but don't force your game to be You do not necessarily have to shift over to Planet Gonzo to use these rules--partially because they compartmentalize the action into one small thing that happens at the end of a game.

_____

I'm sure there are other reasons and I'm sure I'll see them in the comments. But there you go: that's one way to write some genuinely useful rules.

Now, in the words of Jeff:

"Now somebody please go and post something twelve times cooler than my chart."

Last Day To Get Vornheim Ungodly Cheap

I don't like doing posts like this.

So here's a picture of an engraved Indian punch-dagger with 2 pistols attached:

Now go buy books for 1.35$ each. Quick.












That is all.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Barbaric Tribe Generator

(My Secret Santicore gift...)

• The cruel and barbarous ways that they adorn themselves

1-With dogs. Each is chained to a dog. Roll a dog.

2-With a strange bluish paint that grants them +2 to hit and -2 to int for ten minutes'

3-With the skins of their forebears. Each tribesman must grow all fat in his dotage so that his son may wear a suit made from his skin and hide inside it. Nobody knows what they look like.

4-With barbarous tattoooings. Actually they're pretty bright--each tribey keeps all his or all her important info tattooed somewhere. Notes on habits of local fauna, phases of the moon, maps, last time the dog was walked, all that

5-With the garish and mismatching patterns of many animals. So they look like the Misfits not the Danzig When I Turn In To A Martian ones but instead the Jemm and the Holograms ones.

6-No, wait, they do look like the Danzig ones. With the devil-lock. Except it is way longer and at the tip of it is a morning star and they whip it with frenzy in furious battle.

7-With bugs. they a-smear themselves and do bathe in the honeys and spices of their fragrant land and are thus wise in eternity are then surrounded by a halo of stinging and crawling things.

8-With the bones and teeth of their fallen (human) foes which I know sounds like who cares but they HAVE to. So: new and untested tribesmen and tribesgirls have like no clothes upon them because they never killed anyone and the old warmaster crusties have like bonetooth armor so many Harkonnen layers thick they can barely move. Sometimes veterans will not kill you because adding your bones and teeth and the boiling and the drilling and the sewing isn't worth it like cops not shooting you on account of paperwork.

9-With a color code. It's like the Federation but with body paint.

10-With fucking poison. Save or die Mr Touch Attack.



• Their savage and ignorant beliefs

1-Like Marilyn Monroe in that movie The Misfits they don't believe in killing animals because they're innocent. Got no problem killing people though. Any animals involved in their Barbarous Adornments (above) are considered to all be bastards.

2-They believe the soul is contained in the right foot and will evince an unhealthy obsession with severing a foe's right foot, to the exclusion of all other hit locations. They wear a big shoe.

3-They hate food and the eating of food. Publicly. In secret they all eat food (of course) and like it but in company they pretend they don't. It's weird.

4-They don't believe in global warming, evolution, racial equality, birth control or social justice. They do believe in the survival of the luckiest and that the judgments of fate are true and righteous altogether.

5-They believe that emissaries of alien gods are an abomination and will concentrate all their energy on destroying your party cleric.

6-They believe it is blasphemous to use anything that is not stolen. Their equipment, homes, mounts and mates are all stolen.

7-They believe that if they are seen by anyone older than them they'll be owned by them in the afterlife.

8-They believe the first attack must always be a bite. They sharpen their teeth.

9-They believe animals are wiser than men and swarm around any foe their warbeasts attack.

10-They believe that heaven is contained inside an anonymous rock hidden somewhere on the planet.


• Details on the tribe's leader

1-S/he is hideous and clothed in shadow.

2-S/he has worms in his/her head.

3-S/he has a hump like a camel, filled with jewels.

4-S/he owes a PC a single favor.

5-His/her fingernails are nine feet long.

6-S/he is a a ogre or hag.

7-S/he hopes to wage war agains the moon.

8-S/he is supple as sin. I have no idea what that means but George RR Martin made millions writing like that so let's assume it means something. Like: s/he is a contortionist and able to twist his/her body into the shapes of the 32 symbols of The Divine.

9-S/he is drunk and silly but has a voice like an avalanche.

10-S/he is, secretly, at the center of all events in the campaign.


• Their vicious bestial totems

1-Their totem is the locust. They gibber and swarm
2-Their totem is the maggot. They revel in ignorance.
3-Their totem is the jackal. They belong to treachery.
4-Their totem is the crocodile. They are patient, they are swift.
5-Their totem is the crow. They seek the poison tree.
6-Their totem is the stag. They drink from rivers.
7. Their totem is the hog. They wallow and they wail.
8. Their totem is the serpent. They are old.
9. Their totem is a nine-pound hammer. They bash and bruise and boast.
10. Their totem is the scorpion. They live in solitude.
11. Their totem is the toad. Their lives are moist and dull.
12. Their totem is the centipede. They form a long lean line.
13. Their totem is a basking lizard. They dine on dogs and wine.
14. Their totem is a pterodactyl. They come from out of time.
15. Their totem is a broken shackle. They were once a lower caste.
16. Their totem is the whiteblack leopard. They move in darkness.
17. Their totem is the wolf. They harry and howl.
18. Their totem is the mutant rat. They speak in whispers.
19. Their totem is the salamander, They will burn you.
20. Their totem is the fivefold tiger. There are no children among them.

• The tribe's most sacred and vile object of reverence

1. A powder with unusual properties.
2. Yak butter. A mound of it.
3. Your tears and those of many foes. In a great urn.
4. A sacred bastard named Choard.
5. The clothes once worn by earless elves.
6. A pitchfork.
7. The spines on the back of a red reptile, dreaming of war for a thousand moons.
8. The night, silence, quiet, stillness and stone.
9. A fat, four-footed weasel carved of lard, smothered in beets.
10. Severed fingers, kept in cloths.

• The twisted shamans that guide them.

1. Atavistic, armed with acid, aided by asps.
2. Belligerent, bony, bedecked with baubles. Breathes bats.
3. A crazed and crooked crone. Covered in clusters of candles.
4. A devious dervish. Dominates demons with a dazzling dance.
5. An eight-eyed exotic. An eater of eldritch energies. Engages in echolocation.
6. A fat faction of fleshy flagellants.
7. A glossy gadfly. Guarded by ghosts.
8. A hebephrenic harlot. Housed in a hexagon.
9. An idiot and an incunabulist.
10. A jovial juvenile in a jewelled jerkin.

Chatter On The Wire About Monkeys, Parents And Horror

And by wire I mean Twitter.

Here's Rog, postgame:

Kim Kane: Dear god @ZakSmithSabbath is a sick DM!

Mandy :We gotta remember to keep quiet so monkeys won't get us

Rog: These monkeys are the talk of the town

KK: Where is the ice medusa?!!

M: We'd find her faster if we weren't always interrupted by monkeys

Adam: Can't believe we had to fight my parents. That is like sooo embarrassing!
A: My suggestion for title of your next blog post on last night's game: "Parents just don't understand."

KK:We totally killed* your parents, it was soooo Midwest.

A: I woulda gone all Menendez on 'em--just as soon as I finished all that important running away and cowering I had to do.

Zak: (to players who had to leave early) They decided to crack open the glass ball and fight the jewelled monster. it didn't go well

Carloine Pierce: it was a terrible idea. Not like it was gonna get out lol. Oh well! Still fun :D

M: I'm bored of killing monkeys!! I think squamous monster is a challenge

C: True, but it's a challenge most of us are useless against lol :D

M: Almost everyone has some magic item of some sort

CP: The Ice Medusa probably isn't even home :/

K: I have magic & rage but only 9 hit points :(

M: I think we can do it!
M: I can help on the hp front, rage won't help much though
M: unless you rage with a magic weapon! i have lvl3 rage too now




_____
Note: Adam's parents were knocked unconscious and then the mysterious hourglasses hanging around their necks were crushed, at which point they disappeared. Had they been actually slain, the consequences might have been...different.

Monday, December 5, 2011

The Google, Cut, Paste, Sure-Why-Not? Method

I have no idea what Warhammer Fantasy RP adventure the underlying relationship chart here was stolen from (I'm sure someone in the comments will), but it's mine now.This took an hour.

I didn't bother hunting down personalities for the dead people. I figure they're dead, y'know?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

A Few More Quickies

-Anyone ever try this?

-Force Someone To Do Work For You While Simultaneously Helping Orphans Or Seals Or Something I highly recommend Rolang as an idea factory. The man's got ideas. Take advantage before he regrets his largesse.

-If you are not on Google +, you should be. Even if you have no interest in Constantcon games there's just a fucklot of very fast-paced, high-quality gaming bullshitting going on. Recent topics have included Jeff Rients' "If You Like Frazetta You Should Also Check Out _____", Oddyssey on building relationships in campaigns, Huth on the GUMSHOE system and the great Passive Perception Check debate, "Giant Robots Ruin Sci Fi Settings vs. Headbands Ruin Sci Fi Settings", getting Tristan Tzara, Hemingway and Dorothy Parker into the same RPG, etc. Recommended. Add me on G+ (the b&W zak smithw/ the asymmetrical haircut), then email me and tell me you want into my RPG circle. zakzsmith at hawt mayle dawt calm . Include a link yo your G+ profile address in the message.

(If you have already added me on g+ but haven't seen my most recent post "ANYONE WHO WANTS TO RUN OR PLAY IN A G+ GAME OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS POST HERE." (3:07 pm today) that means you are not in my RPG circle so you will pretty much see nothing on the gaming front from me until you write me.)









EDIT: oh yeah. by the way:
From now until the 10th, you can get Vornheim for less than the price of a pack of gum.

Friday, December 2, 2011