Every once in a while someone on Reddit reminds Reddit that this blog about porn people who play RPGs exists. Hi!
It's easy to spot because suddenly there are a lot of comments by people who seem kind of confused.
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Wednesday, March 7, 2012
CAGE MATCH! Marvel Super Heroes v. Marvel Heroic
Ok, so there is a new Marvel superhero RPG out.
Tho old one (Marvel Super Heroes a.k.a. "FASERIP"--named after the stats used in the system) is pretty well respected.
How do they stack up? Try this:
Open a window with this here in it.
Put it next to what follows and read in parallel.
(I’m using bold text for the GM (a/k/a the Judge).) Okay, so let’s cut to a new scene. Spider-Man, you’re on top of the Fisk Building. Since you stopped to threaten the Kingpin a second ago, I’m going to say that the Vulture’s had a few minutes to take to the air. He's flying away at 6 areas per round as is his wont, so if you want to do anything, now's your chance. The Vulture looks over his shoulder at you and snarls, “You’ll never catch the Vulture, wall-crawler!” What now?
(I’m using regular text for Spider-Man’s player.) Well, I guess I could try to web him up. But last time that didn't work so well, plus he'd probably going to spend all his points to dodge it, plus if I don't catch him now the Atomic Slut will annihilate Battery Park and everyone in it!
“Without my web-fluid, he may be right!” There’s probably heavy industrial stuff on this rooftop, right? Like A/C units, satellite dish, water tower, that kind of thing? I’m gonna rip up a big chunk of roofing machinery and chuck it at the Vulture. Mmmm...I think I want some more karma: “Hate to wreck property, but I gotta keep the HVAC unions in over-time!” Role-playing award?
I’m going to swing over there and get him.
The Vulture’s screaming out, “My wings, my wings!” He’s unsure whether to be more scared of Spider-Man or hitting the rooftop, and so isn’t able to prepare well against either.
I’m closing in on my web-line. Thwip! Thwip!
Okay. And–hey, wait a minute! Weren’t you out of web-fluid?
I, um, forgot. Yeah, forgot. Say, you know what’s interesting about the Vulture? He’s like Spider-Man’s evil grand-dad or something. They’re both gadget-guys, they’re both acrobats, but Peter Parker is a nice kid and.....
(play continues)
Open a window with this here in it.
Put it next to what follows and read in parallel.
(I’m using bold text for the GM (a/k/a the Judge).) Okay, so let’s cut to a new scene. Spider-Man, you’re on top of the Fisk Building. Since you stopped to threaten the Kingpin a second ago, I’m going to say that the Vulture’s had a few minutes to take to the air. He's flying away at 6 areas per round as is his wont, so if you want to do anything, now's your chance. The Vulture looks over his shoulder at you and snarls, “You’ll never catch the Vulture, wall-crawler!” What now?
(I’m using regular text for Spider-Man’s player.) Well, I guess I could try to web him up. But last time that didn't work so well, plus he'd probably going to spend all his points to dodge it, plus if I don't catch him now the Atomic Slut will annihilate Battery Park and everyone in it!
Wait, why are you talking about that, that isn't in the original example?
Because in this version of the game I have to actually worry about consequences of my PCs actions in the fictional world we created rather than just consequences in terms of which digit I have to carry on my character sheet.
Oh, right, anyway, carry on...
Ok, so I need to hit him but I need to make 100% sure I do it or we're all doomed. Fuck! I don't know what to do, this is my first time playing.
This is your first time playing?
Yeah, I mean, you told me in the FASERIP system I didn't really necessarily have to know the rules I could just say what I wanted to do and you could explain if necessary.
Oh yeah, that's totally true--a lovely thing about good systems. So what you're going to need is some Karma points to add to your roll in case you miss the Vulture. Now normally you get those after the session ends but I give them right away otherwise the players forget what they even got them for and they are less a part of the economy of the game.
Wait, you're hacking the system? Why?
Because that's what all good people do. Hacking is good. Hacking is smart. Hacking is a force that gives us meaning.
Oh, right.
Here's another hack: there's a horror game hack that by making something go wrong for your PC you can get a bonus....
"Oh no! I’m out of webs!" Yeah, I mean, I really wanted to ruin the Kingpin’s upholstery back there. You should see the place. Webs everywhere. I guess I shouldn’t have been so wasteful.
Let's say that gives you karma = half the power rank of the power you just crippled. Incredible hardens to Monstrous, split the difference, call it Amazing. 25 Karma. Plus how are you hitting the Vulture?
“Without my web-fluid, he may be right!” There’s probably heavy industrial stuff on this rooftop, right? Like A/C units, satellite dish, water tower, that kind of thing? I’m gonna rip up a big chunk of roofing machinery and chuck it at the Vulture. Mmmm...I think I want some more karma: “Hate to wreck property, but I gotta keep the HVAC unions in over-time!” Role-playing award?
Yes, wow, that seamless melange of soft-hearted-pseudo-New-York-provincialese and Level Nine Anti-Funny sounded exactly like vintage Al Milgrom. You are at 30 karma and I am impressed. Anyway, Vulture gets a 75 to dodge, you are at -4CS (don't mind me, I'm talking to myself, newbie) you need a 46 to hit him.
Yeah but I need something insane to actually knock him out of the sky right? I want to destroy the wings.
98 to get a red result and stun him--I'd say this is roughly the same thing. Red result to disable his harness, he'll roll against it as if it were a stun to avoid falling out of the sky.
Okay, so I’m going to throw the AC Unit one-handed at the Vulture and break those smelly wings. And I'll need more Milgrom dialogue! “Vulture, if you’re flying south for the winter, you’ll need air-conditioning!”
5 more karma and you are at +35. Also, that "smelly wings" thing makes me think maybe you just are Al Milgrom and so I shouldn't be giving you these karma awards at all, but whatever...
80! Plllllus 35!
Yes sir he is down. The Vulture groans in pain and plummets from the sky! He’s going to try to roll to.... (Roll roll) Yeah. Not going so well. He’s falling toward a building helplessly–thinking maybe he had a spare power pack somewhere and realized he forgot it at home. What do you do now?
I’m going to swing over there and get him.
The Vulture’s screaming out, “My wings, my wings!” He’s unsure whether to be more scared of Spider-Man or hitting the rooftop, and so isn’t able to prepare well against either.
I’m closing in on my web-line. Thwip! Thwip!
Okay. And–hey, wait a minute! Weren’t you out of web-fluid?
I, um, forgot. Yeah, forgot. Say, you know what’s interesting about the Vulture? He’s like Spider-Man’s evil grand-dad or something. They’re both gadget-guys, they’re both acrobats, but Peter Parker is a nice kid and.....
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ok so why isn't the Vulture dead smartguy?
Ok, he's gonna try to tumble with it...alright, he's alive. Took some slam damage from falling 3 areas. Okay, so let’s say you’re clambering onto the rooftop where the Vulture landed. He’s all banged up and looks like he’s seen better days. What now?
(play continues)
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
EXQUISITE CARCOSA AVDENTURE GAME
Ok, kids--NEW GAME!!!!!
We take this adventure that Joesky wrote and Dyson drew the map for and pass it around just keep adding stuff (each in your own color) until it's a whole campaign worth of adventure...
This color: JOESKY (Feb 17, 2012)
A CARCOSA AVDENTURE FOR YOU
HERE IS A CARCOSA I MADE. IT IS FOR THE MAP FROM DYSON LOGOS, WHO MAKES THE AWESOMEST MAPS OFALL.
YOUR MISSHIN: KILL THESE GODDAMS BEFORE THEY SUMMON THE AMFIBIOUS ONES. THE SORCEROR IS READY TO ROCK, JUST WAITING FOR SOME FOG AT NIGHT. MAYBE THE PCS ARE HIRED BY AFRAID VILLAGERS, OR THEY CATCH A JALE GUY WHO RAN AWAY, OR SOMETHING TO TELL THEM THAT A
RIUTUAL IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Or maybe someone's noticed precisely the right varieties of gem, creature, and virgin are missing. WHATEVER, JUST GET THEM OVER THEIR AND TELL THEM TO HURRY THE FUCK UP AND SAVE THE LITTLE GIRL. IF YOU WANT TO PUT SOME URGENT ON IT, THEN SAY TONIGHT WILL BE A FOG NIGHT, OR SOME NIGHT IN 1-4 NIGHTS.
THIS IS A SMALL LAIRE SO BIG FIGHT NOISE FROM ONE AREA (#1-5) WILL ALERT ALL THE OTHERS AREA, UNLESS YOU DO A REAL SNEEK TAKEDOWN.
ALSO THE AC IS DESCENTING BECAUSE IN AMERICA YOU’ARE FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AND YOU CAN PRY MY DESCENTING AC FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS (BUT I HOPE IT SOENS’T COME TO THAT!!!! But also I've added ascending AC because America--unlike Carcosa--was built on the principles of both Liberty and Equality....not to mention Convenience.
1) ASSHOLETREE. JUST LOOKS LIKE A DEAD TREE (and, temptingly for your sneakier PCs, it is 10' taller than the wall to which it is mouthwateringly adjacent--which wall is 80' tall if you are wondering. Oh, and so are all the others.) BUT THE JOKES IS ON YOU! SPAWN OF SHUBNIGURATH (MV NONE, AC 8/12 BARK, HD 15, SPECIAL ATT., AL C). SLEEPS IN DAY, ONLY TIME OF FOR DANGER IS NIGHT. IF ANYONE GOES UNDER THE TREE TO SLEEP OR PISS OR SPY OR JUST WHATEVER, ROOTS COME OUT FROM GROUND AND A GRAB -ATTACK IS HAPPEN! ON 6D6 ROLL EACH ROUND – UNDER STR 3X IN ROW AND YOU BREAK FREE, ROLL OVER 3X IN ROW AND YOU ARE SUCKED UNDER THE DIRT (INSTADEATH!), ANYTHING ELSE AND YOU JUST STUCK IN A WRESSLE. FRENDS WHO HELP MIGHT GET A GRAB-ATTACKT TO – THE ASSHOLETREE MAY SPREAD ITS GRABBER ROOTS AROUND, LIKE 2D6 AGAINST ONE GUY AND 4D6 AGAINST A NOTHER, OR 2D6 ON ONE AND 3D6 ON OTHER AND 1D6 FOR SOMEONE ONE OTHER ATTACK, ETERCETERA……..ETC…….. (THE TREE LIKES TO GRAB LOTS OF PEOPLE SO DON’T BE A DICK DM AND GIVE ALL 6D6 ON ONE DUDE IF MORE PCS ARE THEIR). ANYONE NOT GETTING ROOT-FONDLED CAN ATTACK (ONLY CHOPPER WEPONS DO DAMAGE. NO TRESURE HEAR, JUST A SHITTY ATITUDE TREE. If compelled to reveal its secrets by some means it pretty much knows everything because nobody is like Oh, hey we better not talk about this here because there's a tree. Including he knows the Boss can't hear anything. As do most of the cultists below, by the way.
2. ROMPUS ROOM. 8 JALE CULTERS (AC 8/12, MV 12, HD 1, AC 8 HEVY ROBES, 1 ATTACK WITH A KNIFE OR CLUB, AL C) DICK AROUND IN HEAR NOT DOING MUCH. 55% CHANCE DURING A DAY ONE OFTHEM PAYS ATTENTION OUT THE FRONT DOOR TO SEE INTRADERS, 13% CHANCE AT NIGHT. THEY DONT KNOW ABOUT THE TREE SO IF THEY SEE IT EATING SOME-ONE THEY WILL IF A TREE EATED SOME-ONE THEY WILL FREAK OUT (A MONSTER-TREE????? I DID NOT SINE-UP FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11) AND COWARD IN THE ROOM. FOR HAPPENS IN THAT IS A YES. EACH GUY HAD 4-16SP + 0-5GP TRESURES.
2A) BACKDOOR BERNIES. 2 JALE CULTERS (MV 12, AC 9/11 SHITTY CLOSE, HD 1, 1 ATTACK SLING OR KNIVE, AL N) LOOK OUT THE BACK WAY and also, occasionally "fish"--or whatever the word is for trying to pull slimeslathered finny abstractions out of whatever pellucid ooze passes for water in dim Carcosa. THEY ARE SCARED SHITLESSS AND ALWAYS ALERT 80% OF THE TIME. ALSO THEY ARE NOT CONVINCE THAT RAPING GIRLS AND HANG-OUT WITH MONSTERS IS A COOL; IDEA, SO IF IF THE PCS LOOK ALL BUFF THEY WILL SWICH SIDES AND JOIN AS HENTCHMEN AND FIGHT HARD TO MAKE THINGSR IGHT.NO TRESURE FOR THESE GUYS, THEY JUST PAYED THEIR CULT DO’S. Though they do have a net and a tackle box. It has some twisty hooks and live bait--unsettling, small things best left alone, really. One is psionic and whispers things. It is kind of like an emeraldish looking dumpling with teeth. It can be used as a magical or psionic battery to double a caster's power, but every time it is used it gets one of the caster's actions with which to do as it dumplingly pleases. It may save these up for a whole simultaneous mess of mayhem or dribble them out one at a time.
AND NEXT TO HIM IS HIS LOVE-BIRD A JALE CHICK 2ND FIGHTER (MV 12, AC 8/12 CHAIN BRA+PANTIES, HD 2, ATT. 2 FLAME OIL BOTTLES, AL C). She likewise has all fucked-up ears but they look better on her--she still can't hear though. SHE WARES 8 JADE BRASELETTES ON ANKLES AND ARMS shaped like centipedes WORTH 40GPEACH + GOLD BELLY CHAIN 45GP (I LOVE THOSE THINGS!!!!!).
THEY MITE EVEN BE BROTHER/SISTER LIKE IN THAT MOVIE “THE CROW” WHICH MAKESIT EVEN WIERRDER……..OR NOT I JUST THOGUHT THAT COULD BE GOO DA IDEA. LIKE IN THE CROW. I HAVE SEEN THIS MOVIE ABOUT 12 TIMES AND I HAVE A THE CROW CREW JACKIT (I DID NOT WORK ON THE CROW, ONLY WATCH TED IT.) I have the soundtrack.
ANYWAY THEY LIKE TO HANG BACK AND WATCH THE THUGS GO TO TOWN, SHE WILL LAUGH AND TOSS OIL BOTTLES EVERY KNOW AND THEN. IF TWO OF THE THUGS GO DOWN HE WILL JOIN IN COMBAT WITH A SHOUT (assuming they're awake) (HE DONT CARE WHO HE HITS)(and, yes, he is dumb enough to kill everyone who can hear), THE SISTER WILL TRY TO RUN OUT BACK AND GRAB THE WHITE GIRL AND RUN AWAY.
JACKEDPOT!!!! THIS IS THE TRESURE ROOM, A CHEST XCONTAIN: 1135GP + 924SP + 23 PURPLE CRISTALS WORTH 30GP EACH. A LITTLE POT CONTINAES GOOP THAT LOOKS LIKE HONEY, SMELLS LIEK TURDS, AND S 4 DOSES THAT IF YOU EAT YOU GET PSIONICS POWER FOR 1-2 DAYS (and a small handlike "crown" grows on the tip of your tongue, it will slowly try to reach into your brain while you sleep if not amputated within 3 days). A SILVER COFFER WORTH 75GP HOLDS SNAKE-MEN POTENCY ROOTS. 4 PRIMO-BLEND TORCHES THAT BURN FOR 12 HOURS EACH AND CANT BE BLOWED OUT, ONLY SPLASHED OUT WITH WATER ARE AGANST THE WALL. AND THERE’S A MAN-CATCHER IN HEAR TO (MAKEUP SOME RULES FOR). The boss and his babe use the sleeping body of a pupal giant Mothra as a bed. It won't turn into a Mothra for like 5 more years. Probably someone would pay good money for it if they could get it alive. Weighs about 500 lbs.
4) WALK THE DINOSAR. IN HERE IS A ANKLOSARUS (MV 6, HD10, AC2/18 SKINS, 1 ATT. IF IT HITS ROLL D4 1) BITE 1D, 2) STOMP 2D, 3) TAIL THWAP 3D, 4) NO DAMAGE BUT TOSSED 30FEETS AWAYS, AL N) THEY ARE TRY TO TAME BY STARVE HIM, BUT IT DOES NOT WORK. HE IS CHAINED TO THEFL OOR BUT NOW IS FEDUP WITH THE BULL-SHIT: ANYONE COMES IN AND IT BRAKES A CHAIN AND GOES NUTS. ALOS IF IT HEARS A FIGHT NOISE IN #3 IT GOES CRAZY AND BUSTS THREW THE WALL LIKE A KOOL-AID-MAN (BUT WITH ANGER TO GIVE INSTEAD OF REFRESHING KOOL-AID). WHENEVER IT ATTACKTS IT GOES FOR RANDOM PERSON (EVEN CULTGUYS). TRESURE: A DEAD CULT BODY (GOT TWO CLOSE DUMMY!) HAS 4G.P. + 15S.P. + 6 ARROWS + SILVER DAGGAR. Also, the ankylosaur's shell is encrusted with precious gems (for some ceremonial reason) worth 1000gp, but each miss--like any hit that would've made it if not for its meddling AC--destroys 1 gp value worth of gems per hit point of damage done.
5) COME AND GET EM. 3 PRIOSNERS TIEDTO THE 3 PILLERS HERE AND TORCHES BURN ON OF TOP EACH ONE.
PRISONER 1: PURPLE DUDE (MV 3, AC9/11, HD 1HP LEFT, NO ATTACK UNTIL YOU GIVE HIM A WEPON, AL N). HES BEEN BEATDOWN AND FUCKED UP SO HE WILL PROBALY DIE NO MATTER WAHT BUT IF YOU SET HIM FREE AND GIVE HIM A WEPON HE FIGHTING LIKE A 5TH LEVEL FIGHTER TO GET HIS REVENJE ON JALE ASSHOLES.ONE HIT KILLS HIM SO TRY TO MAKE SURE GETS A SHOTIN.
PRISONER 2: WHITE GIRL (MV12, AC 9/11, HD 1/2, ATT. DAGGAR, ALN). SHE GOT THE wiggly DAGGAR HID SOMEWARE SO IF A UNTIE COMES FROM THE JALE CHICK TO RUN, A STAB HAPPINS RIGHT AWAY. TRY TO KEEP HER SAVE, SHE DOES NOT DESERVE A CARCOSA HER. (MAYBE GIVE EXTRA XP FOR A RESCUE). She is dyed orange for some reason.
PRISONAR 3: BONE LADY (MV 15, AC 7/13 NAKED BUT FAST, HD 3, ATT. STRANGAL). THOSE ARE SOME WEIRD STATS FOR A JUST BONE LADY………..BECASUE SHE IS NOT! A TRICK IS MADE!!!!!!! SOMETIME IN THE PASSED DAYS A FUCKER SPAWN NIGURATH CREPT OUT FROM SWAMP AND GANKED HER IT HAS DOPPELGANGLER POWERS. HER SKIN IS MOSTLY SEETHROUGH BUT SOME NOT-SEETHROUGH PATCHES MIGHT GIVE THE TRICK AWAY. ALSO SHE TALKS LIKE THE KEY-MASTAR OF GOZER, SO THE PCS SHOULD BE WTF???? IF UNTIE SHE COOP-ERATE FOR A COUPLE ROUNDS, THAN WHEN A BACK IS TURNED SHE STRIKES. ONE OF THE GUYS FROM #2A HAS A BONER FOR HER SO IF THEY ARE PART OF THE TEAM, HE WILL STICK CLOSE AND PROLBALY BE THE ONE THAT GETS JACKED. HER NATURAL FORM LOOKS LIKE A BIG YELLOW DIAREA THAT SQIRTS AROUND ON THE GROUND.She also has the ability to turn enemies temporarily transparent so she can copy their brains and therefore acquire any spells or psionic abilities they have.
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Ok, that's the adventure so far.
The next person to add to it will be chosen from the first eight comments in chronological order via a random d8 roll--so if you want to add something, sign up now.
That person, naturally, must repost this whole thing, add details and maybe new locations in a different color, and choose his/her successor.
We take this adventure that Joesky wrote and Dyson drew the map for and pass it around just keep adding stuff (each in your own color) until it's a whole campaign worth of adventure...
This color: JOESKY (Feb 17, 2012)
This color: Zak S (Mar 6, 2012)
__________________________
Original material is here.__________________________
A CARCOSA AVDENTURE FOR YOU
HERE IS A CARCOSA I MADE. IT IS FOR THE MAP FROM DYSON LOGOS, WHO MAKES THE AWESOMEST MAPS OFALL.
YOUR MISSHIN: KILL THESE GODDAMS BEFORE THEY SUMMON THE AMFIBIOUS ONES. THE SORCEROR IS READY TO ROCK, JUST WAITING FOR SOME FOG AT NIGHT. MAYBE THE PCS ARE HIRED BY AFRAID VILLAGERS, OR THEY CATCH A JALE GUY WHO RAN AWAY, OR SOMETHING TO TELL THEM THAT A
RIUTUAL IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Or maybe someone's noticed precisely the right varieties of gem, creature, and virgin are missing. WHATEVER, JUST GET THEM OVER THEIR AND TELL THEM TO HURRY THE FUCK UP AND SAVE THE LITTLE GIRL. IF YOU WANT TO PUT SOME URGENT ON IT, THEN SAY TONIGHT WILL BE A FOG NIGHT, OR SOME NIGHT IN 1-4 NIGHTS.
THIS IS A SMALL LAIRE SO BIG FIGHT NOISE FROM ONE AREA (#1-5) WILL ALERT ALL THE OTHERS AREA, UNLESS YOU DO A REAL SNEEK TAKEDOWN.
ALSO THE AC IS DESCENTING BECAUSE IN AMERICA YOU’ARE FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AND YOU CAN PRY MY DESCENTING AC FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS (BUT I HOPE IT SOENS’T COME TO THAT!!!! But also I've added ascending AC because America--unlike Carcosa--was built on the principles of both Liberty and Equality....not to mention Convenience.
1) ASSHOLETREE. JUST LOOKS LIKE A DEAD TREE (and, temptingly for your sneakier PCs, it is 10' taller than the wall to which it is mouthwateringly adjacent--which wall is 80' tall if you are wondering. Oh, and so are all the others.) BUT THE JOKES IS ON YOU! SPAWN OF SHUBNIGURATH (MV NONE, AC 8/12 BARK, HD 15, SPECIAL ATT., AL C). SLEEPS IN DAY, ONLY TIME OF FOR DANGER IS NIGHT. IF ANYONE GOES UNDER THE TREE TO SLEEP OR PISS OR SPY OR JUST WHATEVER, ROOTS COME OUT FROM GROUND AND A GRAB -ATTACK IS HAPPEN! ON 6D6 ROLL EACH ROUND – UNDER STR 3X IN ROW AND YOU BREAK FREE, ROLL OVER 3X IN ROW AND YOU ARE SUCKED UNDER THE DIRT (INSTADEATH!), ANYTHING ELSE AND YOU JUST STUCK IN A WRESSLE. FRENDS WHO HELP MIGHT GET A GRAB-ATTACKT TO – THE ASSHOLETREE MAY SPREAD ITS GRABBER ROOTS AROUND, LIKE 2D6 AGAINST ONE GUY AND 4D6 AGAINST A NOTHER, OR 2D6 ON ONE AND 3D6 ON OTHER AND 1D6 FOR SOMEONE ONE OTHER ATTACK, ETERCETERA……..ETC…….. (THE TREE LIKES TO GRAB LOTS OF PEOPLE SO DON’T BE A DICK DM AND GIVE ALL 6D6 ON ONE DUDE IF MORE PCS ARE THEIR). ANYONE NOT GETTING ROOT-FONDLED CAN ATTACK (ONLY CHOPPER WEPONS DO DAMAGE. NO TRESURE HEAR, JUST A SHITTY ATITUDE TREE. If compelled to reveal its secrets by some means it pretty much knows everything because nobody is like Oh, hey we better not talk about this here because there's a tree. Including he knows the Boss can't hear anything. As do most of the cultists below, by the way.
2. ROMPUS ROOM. 8 JALE CULTERS (AC 8/12, MV 12, HD 1, AC 8 HEVY ROBES, 1 ATTACK WITH A KNIFE OR CLUB, AL C) DICK AROUND IN HEAR NOT DOING MUCH. 55% CHANCE DURING A DAY ONE OFTHEM PAYS ATTENTION OUT THE FRONT DOOR TO SEE INTRADERS, 13% CHANCE AT NIGHT. THEY DONT KNOW ABOUT THE TREE SO IF THEY SEE IT EATING SOME-ONE THEY WILL IF A TREE EATED SOME-ONE THEY WILL FREAK OUT (A MONSTER-TREE????? I DID NOT SINE-UP FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11) AND COWARD IN THE ROOM. FOR HAPPENS IN THAT IS A YES. EACH GUY HAD 4-16SP + 0-5GP TRESURES.
2A) BACKDOOR BERNIES. 2 JALE CULTERS (MV 12, AC 9/11 SHITTY CLOSE, HD 1, 1 ATTACK SLING OR KNIVE, AL N) LOOK OUT THE BACK WAY and also, occasionally "fish"--or whatever the word is for trying to pull slimeslathered finny abstractions out of whatever pellucid ooze passes for water in dim Carcosa. THEY ARE SCARED SHITLESSS AND ALWAYS ALERT 80% OF THE TIME. ALSO THEY ARE NOT CONVINCE THAT RAPING GIRLS AND HANG-OUT WITH MONSTERS IS A COOL; IDEA, SO IF IF THE PCS LOOK ALL BUFF THEY WILL SWICH SIDES AND JOIN AS HENTCHMEN AND FIGHT HARD TO MAKE THINGSR IGHT.NO TRESURE FOR THESE GUYS, THEY JUST PAYED THEIR CULT DO’S. Though they do have a net and a tackle box. It has some twisty hooks and live bait--unsettling, small things best left alone, really. One is psionic and whispers things. It is kind of like an emeraldish looking dumpling with teeth. It can be used as a magical or psionic battery to double a caster's power, but every time it is used it gets one of the caster's actions with which to do as it dumplingly pleases. It may save these up for a whole simultaneous mess of mayhem or dribble them out one at a time.
They also have a copy of "The Compleat Angler" whose title translates into Carcosan as "Mesh Death".
3) SHITSTORM. THIS IS WHER THE TOUGHGUY CULTERS HANG OUT. 4 JALE CULT THUGS (MV 12, AC 7/13 NAKED BUT FAST, HD 2+1, 2 ATTACKS EACH WITH A CRAZY LOOKING SICKEL OR CURVY SWORD OR SOMETHIN-G IN EACH HAND unless the PCs are very quiet, one is kinda hiding around the corner and has blinding powder--makes a 10' cloud, save or be blind, AL C, CAUSE FEER UNLESS SAVE VS. SPELLS FOR ANYONE WITH LOWER HD) GO FUCKING CRAZY AT THE CHANCE TO FIGHT. IMMUNE TO ANY MIND GAMES THAT CAUSE THEM NOT TO FIGHT, DONT BOTHER MORALE. ORANGE WARPAIINT IN SWURLS & SIMBOLS, HOOT AND HOLLAR, DO CARTWEELS AND FLIPS TO CHOP YOU UP. NO TRESURE, THESE FUCKERS ARE IN IT FOR THE MURDERRAPEING
THERES ALSO A FIRE WITH SOME TASTY LIZARD MEAT GRILLING UP ON STICKS (EAT A HOT FOOD MEAL EACHDAY HEALS EXTRA 1HP PER DAY).
THE STARES GO DOWNSTARES 20′ THEN END IN A GIANT METAL DOOR OF HI-TECHNOLOGY. THEIR IS A PALM LOCK THAT OPENS FOR A SPACE ALIEN HAND (EVEN A DECAPATAINTED ONE) OTHER WISE YOU NEED EXPLOSIONS OR LOTS OF DINOSARS TO OPEN THIS BABY UP. INSIDE………………….IS UP TO YOU, DM!!!!!!!!!!!11 MAYBE A WAY OFF CARCOSA IF THE PCS ARE JUST VISIT FROM ANOTHER CAMPAINE, MAYBE SPACE ALIEN GOODIES, OR MUMMY BRAINS OR SOMETHING……….THE IMAGANATION IS YOUR LIMIT (IE. NO LIMIT).
3A) BOSS ROOM. HERE WE GO, THE MAIN EVENT!!! IN THIS CORNER IS A REAL PRICK, ‘THE MEGATOLLAH OF MAYHAM’ JALE 4TH LEVEL SORCER (MV 9, AC 4/16 CHAIN+HEVY ROBES, HD4, ATTACK PIRATE SWORD OR SPECIAL, AL C). His ears have slowly LaMarcked over into clubbed mounds in response to his Serpentine Amplifier (see below) and so he can't hear. He relies on his guys in room 3 to warn him of impending whatnot. He'll be asleep if the PCs show up during daylight. HE WARES A CREEPY SNAKE-MAN FILTER OVER MOUTH THAT AMPERFIES HIS SHOUT TO DEADLY SOUND LEVEL! WHEN HE YELLS A CONE BLASTS OUT 2D DAMAGE TO 20′, 1D TO 40′, FARTHER AWAY THEN THAT ALL IT DOES IS PISS YOU OFF IF YOU HAVE A HANG OVER. HE CAN BUST SHIT LIKE THE 3 LITTLE PIGS IF HE STANDING REAL LYCLOSE. WHEN HE MAKES A SHOUT IT TAKES 3 ROUNDS TO RECHARGE FOR ANOTHER ONE. IF THE PCS END UP WITH THIS THING, MAKE IT A 5% CHANCE PER USING TO BLOW ITSELF UP. HE KNOWS THE TWO AMFIBIOUS ONES RITUALS. HE WARES CHROME BRACERS WORTH 75GP + GOLD TOERING 25GP.
THERES ALSO A FIRE WITH SOME TASTY LIZARD MEAT GRILLING UP ON STICKS (EAT A HOT FOOD MEAL EACHDAY HEALS EXTRA 1HP PER DAY).
THE STARES GO DOWNSTARES 20′ THEN END IN A GIANT METAL DOOR OF HI-TECHNOLOGY. THEIR IS A PALM LOCK THAT OPENS FOR A SPACE ALIEN HAND (EVEN A DECAPATAINTED ONE) OTHER WISE YOU NEED EXPLOSIONS OR LOTS OF DINOSARS TO OPEN THIS BABY UP. INSIDE………………….IS UP TO YOU, DM!!!!!!!!!!!11 MAYBE A WAY OFF CARCOSA IF THE PCS ARE JUST VISIT FROM ANOTHER CAMPAINE, MAYBE SPACE ALIEN GOODIES, OR MUMMY BRAINS OR SOMETHING……….THE IMAGANATION IS YOUR LIMIT (IE. NO LIMIT).
3A) BOSS ROOM. HERE WE GO, THE MAIN EVENT!!! IN THIS CORNER IS A REAL PRICK, ‘THE MEGATOLLAH OF MAYHAM’ JALE 4TH LEVEL SORCER (MV 9, AC 4/16 CHAIN+HEVY ROBES, HD4, ATTACK PIRATE SWORD OR SPECIAL, AL C). His ears have slowly LaMarcked over into clubbed mounds in response to his Serpentine Amplifier (see below) and so he can't hear. He relies on his guys in room 3 to warn him of impending whatnot. He'll be asleep if the PCs show up during daylight. HE WARES A CREEPY SNAKE-MAN FILTER OVER MOUTH THAT AMPERFIES HIS SHOUT TO DEADLY SOUND LEVEL! WHEN HE YELLS A CONE BLASTS OUT 2D DAMAGE TO 20′, 1D TO 40′, FARTHER AWAY THEN THAT ALL IT DOES IS PISS YOU OFF IF YOU HAVE A HANG OVER. HE CAN BUST SHIT LIKE THE 3 LITTLE PIGS IF HE STANDING REAL LYCLOSE. WHEN HE MAKES A SHOUT IT TAKES 3 ROUNDS TO RECHARGE FOR ANOTHER ONE. IF THE PCS END UP WITH THIS THING, MAKE IT A 5% CHANCE PER USING TO BLOW ITSELF UP. HE KNOWS THE TWO AMFIBIOUS ONES RITUALS. HE WARES CHROME BRACERS WORTH 75GP + GOLD TOERING 25GP.
AND NEXT TO HIM IS HIS LOVE-BIRD A JALE CHICK 2ND FIGHTER (MV 12, AC 8/12 CHAIN BRA+PANTIES, HD 2, ATT. 2 FLAME OIL BOTTLES, AL C). She likewise has all fucked-up ears but they look better on her--she still can't hear though. SHE WARES 8 JADE BRASELETTES ON ANKLES AND ARMS shaped like centipedes WORTH 40GPEACH + GOLD BELLY CHAIN 45GP (I LOVE THOSE THINGS!!!!!).
THEY MITE EVEN BE BROTHER/SISTER LIKE IN THAT MOVIE “THE CROW” WHICH MAKESIT EVEN WIERRDER……..OR NOT I JUST THOGUHT THAT COULD BE GOO DA IDEA. LIKE IN THE CROW. I HAVE SEEN THIS MOVIE ABOUT 12 TIMES AND I HAVE A THE CROW CREW JACKIT (I DID NOT WORK ON THE CROW, ONLY WATCH TED IT.) I have the soundtrack.
ANYWAY THEY LIKE TO HANG BACK AND WATCH THE THUGS GO TO TOWN, SHE WILL LAUGH AND TOSS OIL BOTTLES EVERY KNOW AND THEN. IF TWO OF THE THUGS GO DOWN HE WILL JOIN IN COMBAT WITH A SHOUT (assuming they're awake) (HE DONT CARE WHO HE HITS)(and, yes, he is dumb enough to kill everyone who can hear), THE SISTER WILL TRY TO RUN OUT BACK AND GRAB THE WHITE GIRL AND RUN AWAY.
JACKEDPOT!!!! THIS IS THE TRESURE ROOM, A CHEST XCONTAIN: 1135GP + 924SP + 23 PURPLE CRISTALS WORTH 30GP EACH. A LITTLE POT CONTINAES GOOP THAT LOOKS LIKE HONEY, SMELLS LIEK TURDS, AND S 4 DOSES THAT IF YOU EAT YOU GET PSIONICS POWER FOR 1-2 DAYS (and a small handlike "crown" grows on the tip of your tongue, it will slowly try to reach into your brain while you sleep if not amputated within 3 days). A SILVER COFFER WORTH 75GP HOLDS SNAKE-MEN POTENCY ROOTS. 4 PRIMO-BLEND TORCHES THAT BURN FOR 12 HOURS EACH AND CANT BE BLOWED OUT, ONLY SPLASHED OUT WITH WATER ARE AGANST THE WALL. AND THERE’S A MAN-CATCHER IN HEAR TO (MAKEUP SOME RULES FOR). The boss and his babe use the sleeping body of a pupal giant Mothra as a bed. It won't turn into a Mothra for like 5 more years. Probably someone would pay good money for it if they could get it alive. Weighs about 500 lbs.
4) WALK THE DINOSAR. IN HERE IS A ANKLOSARUS (MV 6, HD10, AC2/18 SKINS, 1 ATT. IF IT HITS ROLL D4 1) BITE 1D, 2) STOMP 2D, 3) TAIL THWAP 3D, 4) NO DAMAGE BUT TOSSED 30FEETS AWAYS, AL N) THEY ARE TRY TO TAME BY STARVE HIM, BUT IT DOES NOT WORK. HE IS CHAINED TO THEFL OOR BUT NOW IS FEDUP WITH THE BULL-SHIT: ANYONE COMES IN AND IT BRAKES A CHAIN AND GOES NUTS. ALOS IF IT HEARS A FIGHT NOISE IN #3 IT GOES CRAZY AND BUSTS THREW THE WALL LIKE A KOOL-AID-MAN (BUT WITH ANGER TO GIVE INSTEAD OF REFRESHING KOOL-AID). WHENEVER IT ATTACKTS IT GOES FOR RANDOM PERSON (EVEN CULTGUYS). TRESURE: A DEAD CULT BODY (GOT TWO CLOSE DUMMY!) HAS 4G.P. + 15S.P. + 6 ARROWS + SILVER DAGGAR. Also, the ankylosaur's shell is encrusted with precious gems (for some ceremonial reason) worth 1000gp, but each miss--like any hit that would've made it if not for its meddling AC--destroys 1 gp value worth of gems per hit point of damage done.
5) COME AND GET EM. 3 PRIOSNERS TIEDTO THE 3 PILLERS HERE AND TORCHES BURN ON OF TOP EACH ONE.
PRISONER 1: PURPLE DUDE (MV 3, AC9/11, HD 1HP LEFT, NO ATTACK UNTIL YOU GIVE HIM A WEPON, AL N). HES BEEN BEATDOWN AND FUCKED UP SO HE WILL PROBALY DIE NO MATTER WAHT BUT IF YOU SET HIM FREE AND GIVE HIM A WEPON HE FIGHTING LIKE A 5TH LEVEL FIGHTER TO GET HIS REVENJE ON JALE ASSHOLES.ONE HIT KILLS HIM SO TRY TO MAKE SURE GETS A SHOTIN.
PRISONER 2: WHITE GIRL (MV12, AC 9/11, HD 1/2, ATT. DAGGAR, ALN). SHE GOT THE wiggly DAGGAR HID SOMEWARE SO IF A UNTIE COMES FROM THE JALE CHICK TO RUN, A STAB HAPPINS RIGHT AWAY. TRY TO KEEP HER SAVE, SHE DOES NOT DESERVE A CARCOSA HER. (MAYBE GIVE EXTRA XP FOR A RESCUE). She is dyed orange for some reason.
PRISONAR 3: BONE LADY (MV 15, AC 7/13 NAKED BUT FAST, HD 3, ATT. STRANGAL). THOSE ARE SOME WEIRD STATS FOR A JUST BONE LADY………..BECASUE SHE IS NOT! A TRICK IS MADE!!!!!!! SOMETIME IN THE PASSED DAYS A FUCKER SPAWN NIGURATH CREPT OUT FROM SWAMP AND GANKED HER IT HAS DOPPELGANGLER POWERS. HER SKIN IS MOSTLY SEETHROUGH BUT SOME NOT-SEETHROUGH PATCHES MIGHT GIVE THE TRICK AWAY. ALSO SHE TALKS LIKE THE KEY-MASTAR OF GOZER, SO THE PCS SHOULD BE WTF???? IF UNTIE SHE COOP-ERATE FOR A COUPLE ROUNDS, THAN WHEN A BACK IS TURNED SHE STRIKES. ONE OF THE GUYS FROM #2A HAS A BONER FOR HER SO IF THEY ARE PART OF THE TEAM, HE WILL STICK CLOSE AND PROLBALY BE THE ONE THAT GETS JACKED. HER NATURAL FORM LOOKS LIKE A BIG YELLOW DIAREA THAT SQIRTS AROUND ON THE GROUND.She also has the ability to turn enemies temporarily transparent so she can copy their brains and therefore acquire any spells or psionic abilities they have.
6. Abandoned well. It's 4' wide and 70' down and from the bottom there's a secret passage that leads underground and up to a trap door in the floor under the "bed" in 3A. Unfortunately two things: first thing is it will collapse after its used for the first time (i.e. when you get to 3a) so you'll probably have to fight your way out through 3 and second thing is it is full of the body parts left over after various sacrifices. The body parts carry psychic resonance patterns from all the victims of all the terrible Carcosa business going on nearby. Pretty much narrate it so it's terrible walking through there but don't do anything really unless you enjoy psychic combat type mechanics way more than I do. Also the hands crawl around and grab people and like the eyes roll around and follow them, etc.
There's also a cultist (stats as Room 2 above) who fell down here when he was drunk. The PCs will just wake him up from being unconscious by climbing down so he's jumpy. He has a broken knee, is sitting in a pile of his own vomit, and has a tangle of slightly living thorns that he uses as a weapon--d6 damage per round until you Str your way out of it plus you can't move--in addition to the standard cultist gear. He is too hungover to negotiate with.
If you're feeling lazy you can have the passage lead to those stairs south of area 3a.
_________________________________
Ok, that's the adventure so far.
The next person to add to it will be chosen from the first eight comments in chronological order via a random d8 roll--so if you want to add something, sign up now.
That person, naturally, must repost this whole thing, add details and maybe new locations in a different color, and choose his/her successor.
(I rolled: it's Barry Blatt--and here it is ).
Monday, March 5, 2012
Let Us Discuss A Bigot (+Joesky Tax)
This is one of my players:
This is some politically correct BS currently making the rounds and getting the standard conservative PC +115 "OhMyGodThankYouForAddressingThisImportantIssue" treatment:
This is Mandy talking about this cartoon and saving me the trouble of explaining what someone who fucks with people because of their sexual preference is called:
Ehh, I'm not really behind the word slut because there is nothing wrong with a woman behaving like a man.
But, other than that, I'd agree. Except, I prefer showers. But you know -- we're all different ;)
Hey, I'm not stopping her from being nice to the bigot who drew this and all the bigots who +1ed it if she wants. But apparently it didn't work because you still reposted this cartoon unaltered as if you didn't realize how totally fucked it was.
Zelda is not a 360 game... This artist fails...
Pointed this out before.
There are PC emulators of previous consoles (and games).
There is also a Microsoft XBoX 360 config PC controller.
It may make me a dick to say it but before 'failing' an artist for having fun, know your gamer tech.
The chance that the artist meant that is slim and seems like an out. And to play Zelda of all games with a 360 controller (even if it is an emulator... which thanks I know what they are and have used them...) is an insult to the entire Zelda series :)
This is where I was going to post a link to where you can see this exact same stereotype in action in real life as used against the girl in the picture at the very top of this post:
Here is me paying the Joesky Tax for all this blahblahblah:
1. Grub A dull and ordinary village with a sheer cliff on its western side. Contains:
This is some politically correct BS currently making the rounds and getting the standard conservative PC +115 "OhMyGodThankYouForAddressingThisImportantIssue" treatment:
This Is Mandy being a slut:
This is Mandy with one of her (900) controllers:
This is Mandy talking about this cartoon and saving me the trouble of explaining what someone who fucks with people because of their sexual preference is called:I think the artist is a bigot through and through and I hope is getting some backlash for continuing to promote negative sterotypes abt women in general, gamer or no, and women who may be pretty, or enjoy sex along with their game-centric lifestyles.
This is some dickhead trying to defend it:
before you attempt to throw around overly aggressive trending topics like slut-shaming, perhaps you should attempt to actually digest the intent of the comic - which is to draw attention to the fact that gamer girls as shown in the media and ads are sexualized unrealities. If the term slut offends you so much, use the same for a man - whores of sexualized conquest. (This is me going: ?????) Get a clue before you insult things.
Dickhead again:
See the original thread and comments by folks like (a smart woman) who actually have the foresight to stand up for the slut shaming issue through rational means.
This is what (that smart woman) said:
But, other than that, I'd agree. Except, I prefer showers. But you know -- we're all different ;)
Yesterday 4:32 PM
This is what I said:
This is what I wonder:
What the hell is wrong with people?
Here is another woman pointing out another flaw in this cartoon:
Here is a guy trying to defend the bigot:
There are PC emulators of previous consoles (and games).
There is also a Microsoft XBoX 360 config PC controller.
It may make me a dick to say it but before 'failing' an artist for having fun, know your gamer tech.
Here is the girl again:
Here is me wondering why people are so fucking condescending when women talk about games:
??!
(But I decided not to, because screw the intra-RPG-community drama. If you really want a link to it, hit me up via email or G+.)
__________________________
This is how awesome most of this corner of the community (male and female) is:
Yeah, it smacks of one-true-wayism; it's basically saying you're not "true" if you have hygiene or social skills. Kinda dickish.
7:32 AM +4
You nailed it.
7:33 AM
See, my problem with this is that it says to me : "If you self-identify as a 'gamer-girl' then you are also unwashed and unattractive." I have a hard enough time with identity issues, and _____ has just barely convinced me I'm moderately attractive. This kind of depiction does not help.
And yes, I may have put off chores to grind my mining and herbalism last night in WoW, but showering was not one of them, TYVM! :-P
7:35 AM +2
Damn, I think I need a chart to parse this crap out. I'm pro-slut in that I support the right to have sexy time on your terms not mine or anyone elses, but I'm anti calling people sluts as an insult. I'm pro gamers showering but on the other hand if you want to stay home and stink while playing a video game, how is that my business? I'm calling it a four-way clusterfail.
7:40 AM +6
The intent of the comic was to call out a specific person and is saying "this is what a Real gamer (in this case a girl) looks like" both of which bother me more than saying slut or whether any specific person has had a shower today.
7:42 AM
Okay, then it's just plain ordinary bullshit.
7:44 AM +3
yup. run of the mill, standard internet asshattery.
7:47 AM
7:32 AM +4
You nailed it.
7:33 AM
See, my problem with this is that it says to me : "If you self-identify as a 'gamer-girl' then you are also unwashed and unattractive." I have a hard enough time with identity issues, and _____ has just barely convinced me I'm moderately attractive. This kind of depiction does not help.
And yes, I may have put off chores to grind my mining and herbalism last night in WoW, but showering was not one of them, TYVM! :-P
7:35 AM +2
Damn, I think I need a chart to parse this crap out. I'm pro-slut in that I support the right to have sexy time on your terms not mine or anyone elses, but I'm anti calling people sluts as an insult. I'm pro gamers showering but on the other hand if you want to stay home and stink while playing a video game, how is that my business? I'm calling it a four-way clusterfail.
7:40 AM +6
The intent of the comic was to call out a specific person and is saying "this is what a Real gamer (in this case a girl) looks like" both of which bother me more than saying slut or whether any specific person has had a shower today.
7:42 AM
Okay, then it's just plain ordinary bullshit.
7:44 AM +3
yup. run of the mill, standard internet asshattery.
7:47 AM
Which gets +151 and 115 shares. Standard internet asshattery that gets lots of positive affirmation. Good job! ( ._.)
7:48 AM +2
You hit on the head some of the *squirm* I was having with the 'slut' tag! I didn't want to be 'anti-slut', because the Slut Walks are all about reclaiming our sexuality; and 'slut' from the right person in the right way... hurr hurr hurr!
But used as a pejorative, it really gets my back up!
And yes, showering is completely optional if you're having a lazy day (cough need to outlevel your boyfriend cough), or just don't have enough spoons. I'm not sure stench should be a badge of honor, or requirement for admittance, though?
Collapse this comment
7:51 AM
well, when you're living in mom and dad's basement, you know, you take what you can get.... ( <-- see what I did there?)
7:51 AM
7:48 AM +2
You hit on the head some of the *squirm* I was having with the 'slut' tag! I didn't want to be 'anti-slut', because the Slut Walks are all about reclaiming our sexuality; and 'slut' from the right person in the right way... hurr hurr hurr!
But used as a pejorative, it really gets my back up!
And yes, showering is completely optional if you're having a lazy day (cough need to outlevel your boyfriend cough), or just don't have enough spoons. I'm not sure stench should be a badge of honor, or requirement for admittance, though?
Collapse this comment
7:51 AM
well, when you're living in mom and dad's basement, you know, you take what you can get.... ( <-- see what I did there?)
7:51 AM
Pretty straightforward "telling people what they are or what they aren't" bullshit to me.
8:42 AM +2
A shocking number of +s on this cartoon and all the shares.
8:43 AM
Some of the apparent propopents of the illo could be reading this as anti-booth babe type pandering.
8:45 AM +2
that was how I took it when I first viewed it.
8:46 AM
kirin robinson - Rather than be appalled/disgusted with humanity/whatever it's not too hard to speculate on the underlying trends for why such an assertion is popular.
Although frankly I suspect the gamer community is not actually under any real sort of assault by exploitive hot faux gamer girls.
8:48 AM +2
A shocking number of +s on this cartoon and all the shares.
8:43 AM
Some of the apparent propopents of the illo could be reading this as anti-booth babe type pandering.
8:45 AM +2
that was how I took it when I first viewed it.
8:46 AM
kirin robinson - Rather than be appalled/disgusted with humanity/whatever it's not too hard to speculate on the underlying trends for why such an assertion is popular.
Although frankly I suspect the gamer community is not actually under any real sort of assault by exploitive hot faux gamer girls.
8:48 AM +2
I'll just repeat what I wrote elsewhere:
Let's start with the fact that it's utterly unfunny. If you're going to be offensive, at least be funny doing so.
I have a number of problems with that comic and few of them have to do with the word "slut."
I've got a bigger problem with the normalizing of what gamers "should" be. You're not a gamer if you're cute, girly, or even if you pose provocatively? Who the fuck are you to decide that?
This sounds like someone complaining about booth babes, which is a complaint I have no problem with, but it's being executed in a piss-poor way.
Collapse this comment
8:51 AM +3
I've never been to a gaming / comic Con with booth babes. Is the argument against them that their presence is sexism (because they're sexy) or a Holden Caulfield type disapproval of their being actors and not "authentic" enough? (You're not really Wonder Woman are you? ) As a semi-outsider I find it confusing because the Cosplay community and the Booth Babes are often impossible to tell apart. I posted a link to some PathFinder Cosplay the other day and someone said they were a booth babe. It was a model who was a gamer and had chosen to dress like that to the Con.
8:51 AM +1
Just passed that along to my non-gamer wife. Will be interesting to hear what she says.
8:55 AM
I think part of the argument is the sexifying of ladies only. "Hey, where are the hot dudes in skimpy outfits?"
8:59 AM +1
I think they're mostly in Frank Frazetta artwork. Well, at least the dudes in ridiculous armor (lack thereof, I 'spose), anyway.
9:04 AM
There was a booth babe at the IPR booth at Gen Con one year and there was consternation. It helped that the 'babe" was personal friends with the creator and played the game. It also helped when (later? next year?) we got our booth dude.
(Though, for the record, I wasn't happy with any booth models.)
9:07 AM (edited)
from my non gamer wife, paraphrasing, as she doesn't want a direct rant of her's re-posted (lol): She was pretty appalled. Basically, she points out that the gamer subculture is quick to complain about unfair stereotyping, yet continue to engage in the same behavior. Also, it pisses her off that some people "misconstrue a pretty girl for a slut." Also, she is quite sure not all gamers have horrible hygiene.
9:10 AM
I understand why people dislike booth babes, but wow, this is a horrible way to express that.
9:12 AM +1
I don't like girls who gnaw on game controllers either; it's just unhygienic.
9:14 AM
Our society is into pathologizing and categorization to an alarming degree.
9:26 AM
Let's start with the fact that it's utterly unfunny. If you're going to be offensive, at least be funny doing so.
I have a number of problems with that comic and few of them have to do with the word "slut."
I've got a bigger problem with the normalizing of what gamers "should" be. You're not a gamer if you're cute, girly, or even if you pose provocatively? Who the fuck are you to decide that?
This sounds like someone complaining about booth babes, which is a complaint I have no problem with, but it's being executed in a piss-poor way.
Collapse this comment
8:51 AM +3
I've never been to a gaming / comic Con with booth babes. Is the argument against them that their presence is sexism (because they're sexy) or a Holden Caulfield type disapproval of their being actors and not "authentic" enough? (You're not really Wonder Woman are you? ) As a semi-outsider I find it confusing because the Cosplay community and the Booth Babes are often impossible to tell apart. I posted a link to some PathFinder Cosplay the other day and someone said they were a booth babe. It was a model who was a gamer and had chosen to dress like that to the Con.
8:51 AM +1
Just passed that along to my non-gamer wife. Will be interesting to hear what she says.
8:55 AM
I think part of the argument is the sexifying of ladies only. "Hey, where are the hot dudes in skimpy outfits?"
8:59 AM +1
I think they're mostly in Frank Frazetta artwork. Well, at least the dudes in ridiculous armor (lack thereof, I 'spose), anyway.
9:04 AM
There was a booth babe at the IPR booth at Gen Con one year and there was consternation. It helped that the 'babe" was personal friends with the creator and played the game. It also helped when (later? next year?) we got our booth dude.
(Though, for the record, I wasn't happy with any booth models.)
9:07 AM (edited)
from my non gamer wife, paraphrasing, as she doesn't want a direct rant of her's re-posted (lol): She was pretty appalled. Basically, she points out that the gamer subculture is quick to complain about unfair stereotyping, yet continue to engage in the same behavior. Also, it pisses her off that some people "misconstrue a pretty girl for a slut." Also, she is quite sure not all gamers have horrible hygiene.
9:10 AM
I understand why people dislike booth babes, but wow, this is a horrible way to express that.
9:12 AM +1
I don't like girls who gnaw on game controllers either; it's just unhygienic.
9:14 AM
Our society is into pathologizing and categorization to an alarming degree.
9:26 AM
Here is me paying the Joesky Tax for all this blahblahblah:
1. Grub A dull and ordinary village with a sheer cliff on its western side. Contains:
A stone statue of a manticore (on the edge of the cliff). Any single individual who has bathed in the blood of 4 freshly-slain medusae and then crushes the head of this manticore while swearing revenge will become immune to magic so long as they are in direct pursuit of their vengeance until the task is done.
Nysa Null, an innocent girl who is fated to be the consort of the Insect God.
An intelligent butterfly--secretly a transformed heroine, it will help those of good will, though it cannot communicate.
An intelligent butterfly--secretly a transformed heroine, it will help those of good will, though it cannot communicate.
Jerkin and Orp, two young boys on toy horses who pretend to be a paladin and his squire.
The village elders, who secretly consult a yellow-eyed child of 6 before making any decisions. They believe the child to be a young lamia (it crawled up the cliff toward an elder one day). Their decisions are unremarkable
A charming but apparently useless ring in the pawn shop is actually the signatory ring of a great house in Vrokk. Wearers appearing in that city will be assumed to be long lost members of that house.
A book in one of the elder's homes contains a formula for turning up to 10 cubic feet of magma or volcanic rock into pear flesh.
A field of strawberries. Gorphin, a pig that jumps through hoops during festivals.
The village elders, who secretly consult a yellow-eyed child of 6 before making any decisions. They believe the child to be a young lamia (it crawled up the cliff toward an elder one day). Their decisions are unremarkable
A charming but apparently useless ring in the pawn shop is actually the signatory ring of a great house in Vrokk. Wearers appearing in that city will be assumed to be long lost members of that house.
A book in one of the elder's homes contains a formula for turning up to 10 cubic feet of magma or volcanic rock into pear flesh.
A field of strawberries. Gorphin, a pig that jumps through hoops during festivals.
2. Labyrinth of Ice An artificial maze, carved into a frozen mountain by eleven of the Gorgon sisters to imprison Moroschka, their eldest sister. Contains:
Luminous emerald oozes that feed on magic.
White tamarins, (monkeys the size of squirrels) full of evil mischief, charged with the task of keeping Moroscha isolated and confused. They wear jeweled gloves capable of causing grievous injury. Their red-eyed monkey king, in his crown of knives.
A glass sphere, 10' in diameter, containing their strange, writhing god.
Pale polar lampreys, 7' long.
The egg-filled nests of the "Snow Wallow Nightmares"--a species of 12' tall snow mantis. The creatures themselves roam the slopes outside the labyrinth. Their aura makes the snow viscous in a 20' radius--effectively slowing anyone trying to move or attack in melee (but not shoot or cast spells). Walls of polished ice that reflect anything inside into a distorted infinity.
A glass sphere, 10' in diameter, containing their strange, writhing god.
Pale polar lampreys, 7' long.
The egg-filled nests of the "Snow Wallow Nightmares"--a species of 12' tall snow mantis. The creatures themselves roam the slopes outside the labyrinth. Their aura makes the snow viscous in a 20' radius--effectively slowing anyone trying to move or attack in melee (but not shoot or cast spells). Walls of polished ice that reflect anything inside into a distorted infinity.
Mad Moroschka herself, who roams the halls, fearing to look into the faces of her reflections, believing them to be her sisters. She pleads with the reflections of her own feet, begging to be set free, all the while tormented by the tamarins. Her (usually lowered) gaze turns living tissue to ice.
Ice statues of curious children, bandits, lizards, birds, dinosaurs, and other creatures brave and stupid enough to have entered the lonely, reflecting halls of the labyrinth over the last million years.
The possibility that they will return to life should Moroschka be slain.
The tamarin's warrens, containing whatever weapons, trinkets and treasures these unfortunates may have brought with them.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Instant Easy Lazy Dungeon Blocks
Oh my, wherever did this solid dense chunk of dungeon scenery come from? Surely Mister S such craftsmanship and verisimilitude must be expensive, not to mention heavy?BY NO MEANS! It did, in truth, begin life as a humble pale hunk of mere styrofoam.
The nice part about using styrofoam is you pretty much get a new chunk of dungeon every time you have to replace a major appliance. This here Ghost Tower of Inverness-style dungeon trap came with my new Mac...
So really, this is cake easy--you can do it in like 3 minutes, seriously.Get some black acrylic. Thin it in water. Why acrylic? Because enamel and oil are sticky and smell bad and hard to thin and because tempera flakes right off and gouache is just expensive tempera and ink and watercolor are just for people who don't know that acrylic is cheaper and does the same thing if you thin it down.
So you get a big floppy brush and dip it in there. Be SURE to use a Cherry Dr Pepper bottle--other bottles will not work.
Remember: Do all this in a clean, dry area--or not, you could just do it on your 80-year old hardwood floor. Fuck it, it's acrylic, cleans up with water.
It might kinda look wrong at first, just add lotsa paint and lotsa water, it'll settle...
I personally find the texture can be either Old School Gray Dungeon or do double duty as Brutalized Postapocalyptic Concrete...
It dries pretty fast and voi-fucking-la...
Also, it's fun to throw them at people and they're like Aaaaahh....ohit'sjustafakerockaren'tyoucharmingSo, yeah, ReduceReUseRecycleDumpsterDive all that good stuff and pretty soon you'll have an insane looking dungeon and your players will be like Wow where did you get the idea for that 3-tiered-arena? and you can be all It came to me on a vision quest in the desert instead of saying it's actually just the negative space around a coffee maker.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Dwimmermount Actual Play Slice
James Maliszewski: What are you preparing?
Zak: Awww, man, I'm always hoping we'll find a way to kill someone with Ventriloquism
T: Alright, Ventriloquism
(.....dungeoncrawling occurs......)
J: I have to go soon it's almost midnight and then I turn into a pumpkin and I don't want anyone to see that on camera.
Z: I always suspected. Ok, let's just keep running due south until we meet a monster...
J: South? There's a monster! Well...you hear some orcs up ahead anyway, they sound like the other ones.
Z: Ok, we only have 5 minutes! We have to kill them with ventriloquism! OkOkOk we put a pool of oil here and stretch a chain across the doorway like this and we stand on either side of the door like this...
T: And we Sleep them
Z: And then you make your ventriloquism go like 'Oh no! What do we do with all this treasure after killing all these orcs?'...Oh and throw caltrops in the oil!
T: I love this game.
Seconds later 2 orcs are in the trap and Ryan is begging for death after running out to cast Sleep and getting arrowed through the heart. Tavis refuses to oblige and begins hauling him back toward the dungeon entrance. I roll my eyes at the ways of wizards.
Ryan : Yeah.
Zak: Awww, man, I'm always hoping we'll find a way to kill someone with Ventriloquism
T: Alright, Ventriloquism
(.....dungeoncrawling occurs......)
J: I have to go soon it's almost midnight and then I turn into a pumpkin and I don't want anyone to see that on camera.
Z: I always suspected. Ok, let's just keep running due south until we meet a monster...
J: South? There's a monster! Well...you hear some orcs up ahead anyway, they sound like the other ones.
Z: Ok, we only have 5 minutes! We have to kill them with ventriloquism! OkOkOk we put a pool of oil here and stretch a chain across the doorway like this and we stand on either side of the door like this...
T: And we Sleep them
Z: And then you make your ventriloquism go like 'Oh no! What do we do with all this treasure after killing all these orcs?'...Oh and throw caltrops in the oil!
T: I love this game.
Seconds later 2 orcs are in the trap and Ryan is begging for death after running out to cast Sleep and getting arrowed through the heart. Tavis refuses to oblige and begins hauling him back toward the dungeon entrance. I roll my eyes at the ways of wizards.
Friday, March 2, 2012
My Advice
Life's too short
Life's too short for life-expectancy calculation
Life's too short for focus-grouping
Life's too short for approving your race and your class just yes you want a jaguar man ok let's go
Life's too short for building the statblock from the ground up
Life's too short for but that guy is 3d6 and this guy is 4d6-drop one
Life's too short for oh no rolled a wimpy fighter tough mage
Life's too short for Let Me Copy Tolkienprose
Life's too short for but will the dumb people get it?
Life's too short for is it exportable?
Life's too short for No. Appearing
Life's too short for typofixing
Life's too short for whiny sad cleric
Life's too short for balancing
Life's too short for boxed text
Life's too short for Fixing Your Themes
Life's too short for Ok My Guy Is Like This Guy And He Was In The War Against Cleumeunathrian OrcTrolls And He Has A Special Bow And...
Life's too short for the set piece where you wanted the set piece to be
Life's too short for proper supported
Life's too short to look it up
Life's too short for anything but whatever pen is there and yes a pen not a pencil fine go
Life's too short for expecting stuff
Life's too short for do they even make that kind of dice?
Life's too short for pixelbitch puzzle
Life's too short for practice
Life's too short for glossy or matte or...
Life's too short for watching how a master does it at work for 75$ a day
Life's too short for calculating the masonry density
Life's too short for Oh Fuck There is No Number 7
Life's too short for negotiated
Life's too short for the cryer
Life's too short for OMG WHICH SYSTEMYEARSTYLE???
Life's too short for OMG WHICH SETTING THAT'S VANILLA???
Life's too short for That Initiative or This Initiative
Life's too short for figuring all out on the first day
Just get in there just go just do it
You have two hours find your friends run go play now!
Do it wrong first. Do it wrong nine times. Why not? Just go. Now. Go. Fall. Fail. Start over. Learn. Go. Play. Go. Play. Monsters. Go.
Just say like Look Hey I'm the GM I'm Going To Do It Wrong But You All Are In For Maximum Fun, Yes? All of you? Helping? All the fun you can? Ok We must Be Good Then, Don't Worry. And then yeah go.
That's what I decided.
Life's too short for life-expectancy calculation
Life's too short for focus-grouping
Life's too short for approving your race and your class just yes you want a jaguar man ok let's go
Life's too short for building the statblock from the ground up
Life's too short for but that guy is 3d6 and this guy is 4d6-drop one
Life's too short for oh no rolled a wimpy fighter tough mage
Life's too short for Let Me Copy Tolkienprose
Life's too short for but will the dumb people get it?
Life's too short for is it exportable?
Life's too short for No. Appearing
Life's too short for typofixing
Life's too short for whiny sad cleric
Life's too short for balancing
Life's too short for boxed text
Life's too short for Fixing Your Themes
Life's too short for Ok My Guy Is Like This Guy And He Was In The War Against Cleumeunathrian OrcTrolls And He Has A Special Bow And...
Life's too short for the set piece where you wanted the set piece to be
Life's too short for proper supported
Life's too short to look it up
Life's too short for anything but whatever pen is there and yes a pen not a pencil fine go
Life's too short for expecting stuff
Life's too short for do they even make that kind of dice?
Life's too short for pixelbitch puzzle
Life's too short for practice
Life's too short for glossy or matte or...
Life's too short for watching how a master does it at work for 75$ a day
Life's too short for calculating the masonry density
Life's too short for Oh Fuck There is No Number 7
Life's too short for negotiated
Life's too short for the cryer
Life's too short for OMG WHICH SYSTEMYEARSTYLE???
Life's too short for OMG WHICH SETTING THAT'S VANILLA???
Life's too short for That Initiative or This Initiative
Life's too short for figuring all out on the first day
Just get in there just go just do it
You have two hours find your friends run go play now!
Do it wrong first. Do it wrong nine times. Why not? Just go. Now. Go. Fall. Fail. Start over. Learn. Go. Play. Go. Play. Monsters. Go.
Just say like Look Hey I'm the GM I'm Going To Do It Wrong But You All Are In For Maximum Fun, Yes? All of you? Helping? All the fun you can? Ok We must Be Good Then, Don't Worry. And then yeah go.
That's what I decided.
